Mirrors Pt 2 of 3 (K/S)

[gilda_elise]

* * *

“Wake up. Damn it, wake up!”

Someone was shaking him, as he swam against a dark river in his struggle toward consciousness. There were hands on his shoulders, the golden color above him fading in and out.

“Jim?” His mouth felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

“He’s gone. Come on...that’s it.”

Spock was pulled to a sitting position. He was still in the lockup but it was Skott who knelt next to him. Light was filtering in through the window, the sun just beginning to rise. He held his head in his hands and fought back the pain. “Where is Jim?”

“With my brother and before you ask, no, I don’t know where. I found the note J’han left and came right over.”

“Note?” Spock shook his head to clear the lethargy and confusion that clung, disrupting his thoughts.

“Yes. He’s taken your captain, probably up into the mountains. He plans to keep him there until his demands are met.”

“We must go after them.” He struggled to his feet, pushing away any attempt by the other Vulcan to help.

Skott looked at him critically. “He’s not in any danger. No matter what you might think, J’han would never hurt him. He just wants...”

“I do not care what he wants. I only wish to retrieve my bondmate. J'han had no right to do this, no right.” Spock turned away in an attempt to get his errant emotions under control. The drug has affected me more than I would have thought. “We must go...now.”

“I know. Two mounts are being prepared for us. He has several hours head start, but maybe...” The young Vulcan came up behind him. “I know you’re upset but try to understand. In his own way, J’han’s only trying to help.”

He turned then, his gaze riveted on Skott. “You understand. If anything happens to Jim, whether by your brother’s hand or not, he will pay. Do not make the mistake of others. I am more than capable of killing.”

Shock and alarm passed over Skott’s face. “Don’t say that. Nothing’s going to happen, to either of them. Come on, everything should be ready by now.” Almost to the door, he stopped. “I love my brother, Prince. And I, too, am capable of killing.”

* * *

The ropes that bound him to the pommel were cutting into his wrists as he came awake. Kirk sat up from his slouch over the beast that carried him. The sun was almost straight overhead and he could feel its heat burning through his clothing. His captor had covered his head with the same getup the Vulcan wore, the same white flowing robe thrown over him. J’han rode ahead, the rope in his hand trailing back to Kirk’s mount. He looked around, trying to get his bearings while fighting off the last of the drug’s effect. “Where are we?” he managed to croak.

“You’re finally awake. I was beginning to wonder.” J’han turned around but kept up their steady pace. “We’re on our way to a place I know, a place where no one will find us...not for awhile, anyway.”

“You drugged us.” Kirk’s mouth felt as dry as the land they rode through. The desert heat doing its best to leach out what little strength the drug had left him. His clothes were damp with sweat but the robe, thankfully, served to keep much of it from evaporating.

“Don’t worry. It’ll wear off soon. Want a drink?” J’han stopped his mount to let Kirk’s catch up to him. The water bag was held over Kirk's head while the water splashed out into his mouth. “That’s enough for now. I don’t need you getting sick or anything. Besides, we’ll be at the watering hole in a little bit.”

“Why are you doing this? You know they’ll come looking for me.”

“Well, looking and finding are two different things. Where we’re going, they’ll never be able to get near without me knowing about it. And I figured ‘why’ was pretty obvious. They want you back, they’re going to have to pay.”

“Spock already told you they wouldn’t.”

“They’ll pay.” J’han turned back around and started their mounts forward again. “You better hope they pay."

* * *

Skott lead them through the desert, heading for the range of mountains that loomed large and forbidding in the distance. They rode most of the day, except for the few hours spent under the makeshift shelter to protect themselves from the extreme heat of midday. Trying to make up for lost time, they continued on as the sun moved toward the horizon. Finally, they stopped to rest and water the animals at the small oasis that broke the desolate expanse.

“There’s a path through the mountains, off to the right. We’ll head there.” Skott readjusted his gear and mounted up.

“You are sure they would have come this way?” Spock’s irritability had grown as the day had progressed. It surprised and disturbed him. The time they had spent here seemed eternal and he felt as if they were falling more and more behind.

“As certain as I can be. J’han and I did a lot of exploring through those mountains when we were younger. There’s a series of caves that would be perfect if you wanted to hide out for awhile. And there’s water.” He gave Spock a searching look. “Are you feeling all right? You look...different.”

“No, I am not ‘all right.’ My bondmate has been taken from me, forced against his will into this wasteland. We have been searching for ten point three hours and have nothing to show for our efforts, and now you tell me that you are not even sure we are searching in the right direction.” He wasn’t all right. He could feel it in himself.

By all rights, they should have ridden back to Shi’Kahr and notified the proper authorities, got help. But for some reason Spock had been unable to do so. He had readily agreed when Skott had suggested going after them themselves. He knew the young Vulcan was mainly concerned about his brother. So what was his reason?

“We can probably reach the foothills by nightfall. We can set up camp, spend the night and start fresh in the morning.” Skott started his mount, taking the lead once again.

It took another four hours to reach their destination. Vegetation had appeared as they neared the cooler lands of the foothills, so there was adequate fuel for the small fire Skott built to fend off the coming chill. He hunched down near the blaze, concern growing as he watched Spock tend the animals. The older Vulcan did not look well. His pallor was increasing, and he had not eaten all day.

Spock walked up and tossed a bedroll at the other Vulcan before taking a seat on a large rock near the fire. “The animals have been watered and fed. I will take first watch.”

Skott spread out his bedding, sitting on it comfortably. “I’m really not sleepy yet. I can watch first if you...”

“I do not require rest at this time,” Spock tersely answered.

“Listen, I know this isn’t how you planned to spend your time here and I know you’re worried. I don’t blame you. But do you think you could lighten up a little? We could be together for quite a few days. Why make it worse than it has to be?”

Spock sighed, looking down into the flames. “I...I regret my abruptness. Now...and earlier. I do not understand my behavior. The captain and I have been in worse predicaments. I have always been able to separate my...feelings for him from the situation at hand.”

“You weren’t bonded before.” Skott gazed thoughtfully at Spock. “You know, we thought you were already bonded, to the Lady T’Pring.”

“It was broken.” Spock did not elaborate.

“I didn’t think humans were into that sort of thing.”

“What ‘sort of thing’?”

“Bonding. I’d always imagined that they wouldn’t like it.”

Spock gave his companion a curious look. "Are you not aware that my mother is human?”

“Yes, I knew that. I guess I figured she was an exception, not the rule.”

Spock gazed into the darkness, as if seeing the man who was not there. “Perhaps you are right. It is an exceptional human, an exceptional being, who could so...joyously accept a way that is so alien to what they are.”

“You love him.” Envy and heartbreak sliced through the younger man. “I didn’t know that. We assumed you bonded with him to save him from being sold as a slave."

“I would have done that, if he had so desired. That it was more...was a gift beyond price.”

“So maybe...maybe there are other humans that...that would want to bond with a Vulcan? That wouldn’t be afraid?”

The question seemed to surprised him. “I would be inclined to think there are. Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” Skott turned around and got into his bedrole. “I’m going to sleep now. Wake me in four hours.”

He could feel Spock studying him, as if aware that Skott’s action were an evasion. Did Spock wonder about Skott's dealings with humans? DId he even care? After a few minutes Skott saw the unmistakable signs of a light meditation settle over the other Vulcan. Aware, but resting, Spock would wait out the hours.

* * *

In the distance, Kirk could make out a dim flicker, and he knew without knowing how that Spock was down there. He shivered, the cooler air of the mountains chilling him. They had traveled since early afternoon, leaving the oasis after only a few hours of rest. When darkness had fallen, he’d hoped they’d stop in the valley that opened up as they left the foothills. But J’han had pushed forward, leading them up the narrow mountain path.

He was so tired and he hurt everywhere. His wrists were being rubbed raw by the ropes tying him to the mount and his thighs were on fire from the long ride. The pounding he had taken from Spock had made sitting even more uncomfortable. He smiled, his thoughts going back to the night before. That his oh, so, logical first officer could return his love and passion had been more than Kirk had ever hoped for. He had loved Spock for so long, wanted him in a way he had never wanted another. To be joined with him forever...he felt awed and humbled and so very grateful.

J’han slowed, allowing his captive to catch up. He followed the human’s gaze to the valley floor. “Skott’s probably with him. He’s the only one who’d know where to even begin to look.” He sighed, exasperated. “Sometimes, I don’t understand my brother at all.”

“Why? Because he knows right from wrong?”

“No, because his own happiness always come last.”

“His happiness? What does his happiness have to do with all this?”

“J’han continued to stare down at the light below. “It’s a long story.”

“Well, we seem to have plenty of time,” Kirk remarked, his words heavy with sarcasm.

The Vulcan turned, appraising him. “And maybe, someday, I’ll tell you. But right now I need to keep my eyes on the trail. It gets kind of tricky around here and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you. Might be kind of hard to explain to the Prince how his bondmate ended up splattered all over the ground and all.”

Kirk leaned over and looked past the edge of the narrow trail. It was a long way down, even from the short distance they had come. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

J’han’s ready smile was answer enough and Kirk was almost glad his hands were tied. He really wanted to wipe that smirk off the young Vulcan’s face. Bones better never say anything again about Spock’s lack of facial expression. If he never saw a Vulcan smile again, it’d be too soon. Though if he were honest with himself, he’d have to admit that he was more exasperated than angry. Almost against his will, he was beginning to like the young Vulcan. Everything was an adventure for him as he grabbed life with both hands. And you could tell a lot about a person by the way they treated animals. J’han had made sure their mounts always had enough water and, though ridden hard, they had obviously been selected for their stamina. Neither animal showed signs of tiring.

“Come on.” J’han started orward again, pulling Kirk along with him.

Hours passed in silence. Every so often Kirk would turn to see if he could still make out the campfire below. Mostly he’d slip into a troubled sleep, exhaustion and his physical discomfort keeping him from a true rest.

Finally, J’han eased his mount through a narrow passageway and his sigh of relief was audible to his captive. “Looks like we’ve made it, Captain.”

Kirk peered ahead. The trail had opened up as they headed into the mountain range but he could hardly see, and it amazed him how surely J’han made his way. They finally stopped along a sheer wall, its expanse broken by a hole darker than the surrounding night.

“We’re going in there?”

“It’s not that bad,” J’han chuckled as he swung down from his mount. He lit the torch lying just inside the entrance and, settling it between some rocks, started untying the rope around Kirk’s wrists. “I wouldn’t try to get away if I were you. You get lost and you’d never find your way back.” He helped Kirk down, holding him up as Kirk tried to get his legs to start working again.

“I’m okay now.” He pulled away, holding his own weight as he flexed his hands, the tingling intensifying as the blood rushed back.

“Wait here. I’m going to get the animals settled.” J’han grabbed the torch and walked off, leading the mounts in the direction of a nearby stand of trees.

Kirk waited, considering and rejecting several means of escape. There really wasn’t any, not at night in any event. He’d have to wait until morning and hope for a lucky break. He didn’t think he was in any danger; J’han seemed more misguided than dangerous. But this wasn’t the way he had planned to spend his shoreleave.

He saw the light approaching and the young Vulcan signaled him to follow as he entered the cave. It wasn’t very deep, maybe fifty feet, but it was obviously well used. The torch light revealed a well-stocked cache of supplies piled along the back wall.

“Does someone live here?” Kirk asked.

“Just about. Skott and me, we spend a lot of time up here during the summer.” J’han settled the torch in a well-placed sconce and started pulling down crates, setting them together and piling them with pillows and blankets, talking while he worked. “We’ll sleep here for awhile. It’s still a couple of days ride, so we’re going to need it. Here, this one’s all set.” He stepped back, motioning Kirk to the makeshift bed.

Kirk sat on the blanket-covered stand, gingerly testing out its comfort and strength. He removed his headgear and boots and, after a moments hesitation, pulled off his shirt and pants and slid under the blankets. “I thought this was our destination.”

“This?” J’han’s voice was muffled under the billowing tunic as he pulled it off. “This is nothing. Further up, there are hundreds of caves. Some of them must have been lived in once, because there’s old stuff all over the place.” He finished undressing then, seeming to come to a decision, walked over to the bag he had carried in and started rummaging through it.

“Artifacts? You’re saying there are ruins up here?” Kirk propped himself up on an elbow, watching the other man’s determined search. “What are you looking for?”

“This.” J’han had a small tube in his hand as he came over to Kirk. He squatted down next to the human and squeezed out a liberal amount of some kind of cream onto his hands. He spread it out on both palms. “Stick out your arms.”

Kirk hesitantly complied and felt an amazing relief as the Vulcan slathered the cream on both wrists. “God, that feels good.”

“I thought it might. You promise to behave, maybe tomorrow I’ll leave ‘em loose.” He wiped his hands clean on a corner of the blanket, shrugging at the human’s look of disgust. “But for now...” In one quick motion, he snapped one end of the lightweight manacles he had produced out of nowhere to his captive’s wrist, securing the other end around one of the crate slats.

“Hey!” Kirk tried pulling his arm away, but was effectively caught.

“They’re not much, but you won’t be able to leave without making a lot of noise.” J’han sauntered back to his own bed, and getting under the covers turned his back on the indignant human. “’Night, Captain."

* * *

“It is a somewhat steep incline.” Spock looked up at the path, a narrow trail hugging its way along the side of the mountain.

“Just part way. Once you get past the first rise, the climb is more gradual. It’s a few hours journey, so we had better get going.” Skott studied the older Vulcan. They had risen with the sun, riding all morning in an attempt to make up for lost time. But even after a night’s rest, Spock didn’t look well.

They mounted and started up the narrow trail, Skott in the lead. Though the air cooled rapidly, Spock still felt hot, and his body ached. And he needed Jim, needed to know that he was safe. Last night, unable to sleep, he had tried to reach him through the bond, but he didn’t seem to be able to concentrate sufficiently to achieve contact. Could he have contracted some contagion from these people? There were precedence. A group, long out of contact with others of its kind, could harbor an array of deadly illnesses, illnesses that the newly exposed would have no defense against.

Pushing that disturbing thought to the back of his mind, Spock followed the younger man up the incline. The hours passing slowly. Neither man spoke and the sound of the animals hooves beating against the hardpack was the only break in the silence. Finally turning a bend, they reached flat land, the mountains opening up to a hidden plain. Vegetation was thick and it was several minutes before Spock realized that Skott was moving toward a specific location.

“There’s a cave up ahead. If I know my brother, he would have brought your captain at least this far.” Skott picked up the pace as the mouth of the cave came into sight. Riding up to its entrance, he jumped from his mount and rushed in with Spock a step behind him.

“J’han?” The blond Vulcan moved swiftly into the interior, calling his brother as they made their way.

“They are not here.” Spock looked dejectedly around. The cave had opened into a large room-sized area, dimly lit by the filtered sunlight.

“No, but they were. Look at this.” Skott bent down and picked up the empty tube, a smear of ointment all that remained of its contents.

Tendrils of fear spread through Spock, his hand trembling slightly as he took the small tube. “This is for the treatment of injuries. Why would they have need of it?” He turned away, anger growing. “You said your brother would not harm him, that Jim would be safe.” He threw the twisted bit of metal against the wall and rushed out of the cave.

“Where are you going?” Skott caught up with the raging Vulcan as he reached their mounts, fighting the older man for control of them. “Stop it! What do you think you’re doing?”

They grappled, Spock’s rage giving him an added edge over the younger man. “I will find your brother and I will kill him. He has dared to touch my bondmate. No one, no one, dare take what is mine!”

“What’s wrong with you?” Skott managed to get the reins away and pulled Spock from the skittish animals.

Lost in a white hot rage, Spock stumbled, bringing them both down. Their stuggle continued as they rolled around on the ground, each trying to gain the upper hand. Finally, Skott was able to twist Spock’s arm behind his back and pin him to the ground. As he straddled the enraged Vulcan, he secured him with an arm gripped tightly around Spock’s neck.

“Listen to me! J’han wouldn’t hurt him!” He tightened his grip until Spock’s resistance ebbed, though his body remained taut.

“There is only one other reason he would have need of the ointment. Either way, your brother will die.” Spock’s voice was calm, but his words were edged with ice.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. What other reason?”

“Do not toy with me. To violate another’s bondmate is...”

“Violate? You’re crazy! J’han isn’t that way.” Skott held Spock down until finally seeming to realizing what it was Spock was thinking. “Spock, J’han isn’t like you or your captain. He doesn’t desire other men.”

Spock rested his forehead against the dirt. “Then Jim is injured.”

“No, not necessarily. For all we know it was used on J’han.” He loosened his hold. “If I let you go, will you calm down and listen to me?”

He didn’t answer at first, but his body relaxed and his breathing returned to normal. “Very well. I will listen.”

Skott slowly slid off his now calm adversary, and stood to one side. When Spock finally turned over and sat up, Skott reached down and helped him to his feet. “All right. Let’s go back in and see what we can figure out.”

They returned to the cave and Skott lit the torch in the wall sconce. He began looking around, keeping an eye on Spock who sat silently on one of the crates scattered around. “It looks like they must have stayed here over night.” He picked up the top blanket from a pile shoved behind some supplies. “Yeah, this looks about right. Leave it to J’han to not put anything away.”

“Jim is much the same.” The words were quietly spoken.

Skott approached and sat next to the despondent man. “I know this looks bad. But, Spock, I know my brother. He’d never hurt your captain.”

“Jim. His name is Jim.”

“All right. Jim.” He studied Spock, intently. “You’re feeling worse, aren’t you?”

“I do not understand what is wrong with me.” Spock looked away, his words filled with worry and confusion. “I must be ill but I am unable to identify its cause. I fear it is something indigenous to your people, something I have no defense against.”

“Is there something I can do?”

“Not that I am aware of.” Spock stood up. “We should be going. We must hurry if we are to gain on them.”

Skott watched him walk away. Finally, he stood and followed him out.

They continued on, making good time, Spock's state not a hinderance. Whatever was wrong with him, it wasn’t slowing him down. He would not allow it. When they finally stopped for the night, Spock’s terse statement that he needed to meditate was met with silence and a look of deep concern.

* * *

Scott kept looking in the direction Spock had taken. He had been gone a long time. Sitting next to the fire, he debated whether to go and look for him but then Spock appeared out of the darkness and took a seat on the ground across from him.

“I know what is wrong now.” He said it stiffly, his eyes refusing to meet the younger man’s.

“What it is? What’s wrong?”

“I am...it is pon farr.” Spock lowered his head, his words a barely audible whisper.

“That can’t be. You were fine before we left. Pon farr doesn’t hit that fast.”

“Nevertheless. It has happened.” He could hardly forget the shame and humilation of his first time. Bad enough in front of his friends, but to have a virtual stranger see him like this...

“How long do you think you have?”

“I do not know. Not more than two days...three at the most. The symptoms are manifesting themselves quite rapidly. More so than the first time.” He brought his head up, gazing at Skott. “You may wish to leave. I am not sure how I will respond to an unbonded male.”

Skott eyed him warily. “What do you mean?”

“I may try to kill you.”

"How do you feel toward me right now?"

"It has not progressed sufficiently enough for me to consider you a rival at this time. That does not mean that it will not change. If the bonding has caused this..."

"You think that's what's done it? I've never heard of that happening before but I guess anything's possible." Skott pondered for a moment. "I don't know. I'd think there'd have to be more to it."

Spock sighed. "Perhaps there is. My first time was...interrupted."

"Interrupted? What does that mean?"

Color suffused Spock's face. "It is complicated. Suffice to say that I was left unbonded...and why I know I will see any unbonded male as a threat."

“We’ll worry about that when it happens.” Skott got up, retrieved their bedrolls and spread them out. “Right now, I think you need to get some rest. The going gets pretty rough from here to the main cave.”

Spock stood to remove his boots before climbing into his bedding. He lay down, staring into the fire, his thoughts of Kirk. What would happen to Jim, now? If Spock was unable to reach him before his condition became too grave, would the human survive his bondmate’s death? The Vulcan shivered, dread washing over him. He did not want to die, not now, now that he had finally found the completeness he had long known was only possible with Jim. Fate could not possibly be that cruel. He closed his eyes.

* * *

J'han had them on their way as the sun rose. They continued to climb, the high desert growth giving way to the thick vegetation of the mountains. They rested only briefly, a stop as the road forked, before taking the path down to their final destination. Kirk had promised not to try anything and J’han had let him ride untied. The path meandered down awhile but then flattened out as they continued deeper into the mountains. With the coming of night, they made camp.

“Sit down. You’re driving me crazy.” J’han sprawled back on his sleeping bag, watching the furiously pacing human.

Kirk turned and stared at him for a moment before coming over and sitting on his own bedding next to the fire. “Something’s wrong. I can feel it.”

“Really? I didn’t know humans were psychic.”

“Very funny. Something is wrong, whether you want to believe me or not. I just wish you’d get over this crazy idea of using me as trade and just let me go.” Kirk grabbed a small twig and started scribbling in the dirt, unable to keep still.

J’han leaned forward. “It’s not a crazy idea. If Spock wants you back, he’ll have to convince his family to give me what I want.”

“Just what do you want?”

“Ever heard of Uzhau’kahr?”

“No, can’t say I have.”

“No reason you should. It’s a small city just outside the northern-most boundary of our land. That’s what I want.”

“You want a whole city?” Kirk asked, incredulous.

J’han nodded. “Yes. I want them to make it part of our holdings.”

“Why?”

“It’s...personal. It doesn’t matter, anyway. As long as they give it to us.”

“You’re crazy. They're not going to hand over a whole city. What about the people who already live there?”

“That’s their problem. The ones that want to stay, can.”

“Just like that? You’ll just walk in there and take over.”

The Vulcan laughed. “Sure. Why not?”

Kirk sighed. “Listen. I know Vulcans...regular Vulcans, anyway. They won’t do it, not ever.”

“You believe what you want. And what makes you think you know them better than I do, anyway?”

The human sighed and standing up, began to slowly pace. “I’ve had a few dealings with them. Mainly through Spock. It’s always amazed me how a logical, supposedly unemotional people could have treated him the way they did.”

“How’s that?” J’han's gaze followed the human.

“Pretending he wasn’t half human, but never letting him forget it at the same time. That’s how I know they’ll never give in to your demands. They’ll find some ‘logical’ excuse, and it isn't like there wouldn’t be plenty, and stick to it. That's the way they are. They’ll demand Spock back out of principle but I don’t think they realize just what it is they have in him. They see what they want to see, and if for some reason you don’t fit into their scheme of things...”

The Vulcan frowned. “I wonder if that’s why my brother is the way he is.”

Kirk stopped his pacing. “Your brother?”

“Skott lived out there for several years.”

Settling on his bedding once again, Kirk gave his full attention to the young Vulcan. “And?”

“And, what?”

“And what’s that got to do with the way he is?”

J’han laughed, an unhappy sound. “You weren’t around him very long, so you probably didn’t notice. He’s a lot like the prince. Quiet. Reserved. Doesn’t talk much.”

"How do you know so much about Spock?"

"He is a prince, no matter what he says. I made it my business to know, especially after Skott came back. It helped me to better know my brother."

“I thought you two were really close.”

“We are. But Skott’s torn between the two worlds. A part of him wants to stay here, being able to be who he is. But another part...he’s torn, that’s all.”

Both men remained quiet, each thinking about the one closest to them. Finally, J’han broke the silence. “Can I ask you something?”

Kirk looked at him askance. “What?”

“Do you love Spock?”

That one was easy. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

“Why?”

“Why do I love him?”

“Yeah.” J’han sat up, intently studying the human. “He’s Vulcan...and he’s male. Doesn’t that bother you?”

“Should it? I didn’t think Vulcans had those kind of prejudices.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I mean all the things that come with who we are. The bond...”

“Pon farr?” Kirk smiled.

“Yes. Pon farr.”

The human settled back. “I’ve never known anyone like Spock. He’s strong and brave, loyal to a fault and probably the smartest person I know. And the gentlest. We had a...I guess you’d call it an infestation of little creatures on the ship one time. They weren’t dangerous or anything, just something of a nuisance. One of the crew had brought one aboard and it procreated like crazy. Spock and I were in one of the rec rooms and there were about a dozen of them spread out on a table. Spock picked one up, petting it and listening to it...purr. You had to see the look on his face. The intensity and sensuousness...and sheer love of life that he just radiated. I think that’s when I knew I was in love with him. I could never be afraid of Spock. Never. If pon farr comes, when it comes, I’ll be there for him. I can’t imagine not being there.”

“You’re lucky...to have the one you love. But what would you do to keep it?”

“Anything. I’d do anything.”

“And if you couldn’t? Could you forgive the person who got it for you...even if they used a way that, maybe, you didn’t agree with?”

He puzzled over that for a moment. “I don’t know. I’d hope that I could. The person would probably have to love me a lot to do something like that.”

J’han looked into the darkness, displaying an unexpected seriousness.“Yeah, I guess.” Suddenly he was back to the carefree young man. “We better turn it. Don’t try anything with the mounts, Captain. They’re well trained.”

Kirk pulled off his boots and lay out on his bedroll. He pulled his blanket up over himself and got comfortable before replying. “J’han, my name is Jim.”

* * *

Spock woke with a start, unsure of his surroundings. He had been dreaming, something he had rarely done before. And he knew it meant he was losing control faster than he had originally thought. The sun was just coming up, signalling another day to try to get through.

"How are you doing?" Skott walked over from the fire, a small bowl in his hand. "Here, I made you something to eat. It's not the best tasting stuff, but it'll keep your strength up."

"I am not hungry." Spock turned away, his stomach rebelling at the smell.

"Spock, you've got to eat. You'll never make it if you don't."

"Leave me alone." Spock swiftly rose, walking away from the young Vulcan. He began collecting his things to ready himself for the day's ride.

Skott stared at him for a moment, and then shrugged and went back to the fire. He sat eating, watching as his companion went about the campsite. "We'll leave in a bit. The next part of the trail isn't bad. but once we pass the crossroads, it gets pretty rough."

"Will we make the caves today?" Spock was settling his gear on his mount, his back to Skott.

"I think so." Skott put out the fire and turned to get his own mount. "Spock!"

Hit by the pain unexpectedly, Spock dropped to his knees. He held himself, fighting for control as he rode out the fire that was burning through him. Skott was suddenly at his side, holding him up until the pain ebbed. Finally, Spock shuddered and tried to gain his feet, Skott still holding him. "I am all right. It has passed."

"Let's go then." Skott helped him mount before retrieving his own animal. He kept them at a steady pace, both aware that they were running out of time. Every so often, he would glance at Spock, worry deepening. "Do you need to stop?"

"No. The pain has not returned." Spock returned the young Vulcan's gaze. "I truly appreciate your concern but at least at this time, there is no need."

"I wish I knew how long we had. But I've never been through what you're going through." Skott hesitated. "Is it bad?"

Spock thought for a moment. "I do not believe it would be so, if Jim were here. The feeling this time is different from the first. Then, there was pain, not just physical but my mind also was...disturbed."

"I don't understand."

"I do not know if I can explain it any more satisfactorily. Though Jim is not here, my mind is...calm. The distance does not hinder it. Almost as if, through the bond, I can 'touch' him, be one with him. The loss of control is not as complete as the first time."

"Maybe that's why you haven't tried to attack me."

"Perhaps. I do not know."

Skott looked back to the trail. "There's the fork up ahead. It's going to get kind of rough from here on in. The road goes up almost to the caves. Near the end, we'll have to leave the animals behind and climb the rest of the way. You think you'll be able to do that?"

Spock stared off into the distance. "I do not have a choice. I must find Jim."

* * *

“How long before we get there?” Kirk was getting tired of riding.

“Just a few more hours. It hasn’t been that bad, has it?” J’han gave the human a teasing smile.

Kirk stretched, trying to work out the kinks as best he could while on top of the animal. The sun had burned off the morning chill and its warmth felt good against his body. He was wearing only his pants and boots, the mountain coolness more than agreeable.“Easy for you to say. You’re used to this kind of life.”

“Hmm. Skott’s always said that I was born to this.” The Vulcan laughed. “He’s probably right. I can’t imagine living any other way.”

“It’s beautiful. I wonder why no one lives here.” The human looked around, taking in the pastoral setting. The gentle slope of the trail was bordered by lush vegetation and the trees provided a rich canopy.

“They used to. Like I said, some of the caves have a bunch of old stuff in them. But there’s not enough game up here to make it worth your while. Probably gets too cold for them. Skott and I would mainly come up here to explore, spend some time together. Especially when he first got back.”

“You mentioned that he lived away from here for awhile. How come?”

J’han stared off for a time and at first Kirk thought he wasn’t going to answer. Finally, the young Vulcan began to speak.

“Skott’s mother...she wasn’t from here, wasn’t one of us. Her air car had crashed nearby, just south of the village. She was pretty busted up, so they brought her in and got her fixed up. Our father was one of the men who found her and by the time she was okay he had decided to keep her.”

“Against her will?”

“Yeah. I know it sounds...uncivilized, but our father, well, he’s always got whatever he wants...one way or the other.”

“Nice fellow,” Kirk quipped.

“You’d have to know him. He’s larger than life. Besides, he’s our leader. He has to be like that...and his time was coming. Anyway, she hated it here, hated him. When she had Skott, he thought she had finally accepted things. She hadn’t.”

“What happened?”

“My father’s times are pretty close. Three to four years. But by his next one, he had fallen in love with my mother.”

“You’re only half brothers? I hadn’t realized.”

“Yeah. I guess he got kind of lax with Skott’s mother, because she finally managed to escape...bribed a couple of the men. She took Skott with her.” J’han studied his hands, his voice lowering. “I can’t imagine what my brother went through. He was six years old and suddenly he was surrounded by people who don’t feel. Or pretend not to, anyway.”

Kirk closed his eyes. The thought was incomprehensible. It was so close to what Spock had gone through. Except Spock had had Amanda to soften the blow as best she could and he had been exposed to the Vulcan way from the moment of his birth.

“But he survived.” There was sorrow and anger and a bone-deep pride in J’han’s voice. “Somehow, he managed to get through it and when he was sixteen we got him back. But he was so...cold. It took him a long time to get over it, to be able to love, and accept love.”

Kirk leaned over, resting his hand for a minute on J’han’s shoulder. “You must have been a big help.”

“I tried. It was so hard to watch him. He wanted so badly to fit in. We’d go for long rides together and he’d tell me about his life, how rough it had been. I had heard so much about him from my father...I was only two when he left, so I didn't really remember him. And now, all of a sudden I had my brother back. But he wasn’t...back.”

“Something like that would take time. It’s a slow process, getting someone who’s never done it to let go, be the person they should be.” He remembered his own uphill battle, wanting so much to get under that cold, Vulcan veneer Spock had worn. But it had been worth it, all of it, every last wonderful moment.

J’han chuckled. “You could say that. Little by little, he opened up. But there was always a part of him hidden away. I only found out what it was a few years ago.”

“What was it?”

“A girl. A young human girl.” The Vulcan looked over, smiling at Kirk. “Guess he’s more like Spock than you thought.”

“She lives in that town, doesn’t she? The one you want them to give you.” It all made sense, now.

“Yes. He’s never forgotten her, talks about her all the time. It’s been almost ten years and he still thinks about her.”

“You know, she may not even live there anymore. Or maybe she’s with someone else. Have you thought about that?”

“She’s still there. Skott would know if she wasn’t, or if she’d found someone else.”

“How would he know that?”

“I’m not sure.” J’han gave Kirk a perplexed look. “But he does. I know he does.”


The going remained easy and the sun was heading down when J’han pulled them into a narrow canyon. Straight ahead, Kirk could see the wide opening of a good sized cave, a small stream running along side the brush that grew to the left.

“Okay, we’re home.” J’han eased off his mount, pulling off his bedroll and tying the animal to a nearby tree. “Come on, I’ll show you around.”

Kirk dismounted and followed the younger man into the cave. He was surprised at its openness. There was plenty of light, a second opening toward the back allowing the sun’s rays to enter. If the first cave had seemed well equipped, this one was doubly so. There was a real bed, wide and low placed against the back wall, and a small table and chairs that occupied the center of the room. Crudely built shelves lined one side, stocked with blankets, lanterns, and a wide variety of food tins. Someone had invested the time and effort to build a small fireplace out of large stones.

“You weren’t kidding about this being home.” Kirk dropped his pack on the table and started walking around the large expanse. “Just how long are we going to be here?”

“As long as it takes.” J’han grabbed a couple of pitchers from the shelves and headed back out. “I’m going to water the animals and get some for us. Be right back.”

The human settled on the bed, pulled his boots off and lay down. He sighed contentedly. He really didn’t figure on being here long. The disquiet from the night before had been gone by morning and Spock couldn’t be very far behind them, anyway. But until he got here, he’d play along with J’han. It really amazed him, what J’han was willing to do for his brother, no matter how ill-advised. Maybe, once back home, he’d be able to do something to help the two brothers.

Kirk was fast asleep by the time J’han returned, his arms loaded with firewood, one pitcher precariously held by its handle. He started a small fire, the soft glow giving the cave the homey look he had always associated with it. He grabbed a few blankets and settled on the ground next to the hearth. Within minutes, he had joined his companion in slumber.

* * *