gilda_elise

Spock passed the tricorder over the ground again. There was no mistake. The groundwater contamination was wide-spread and getting worse. He wasn’t surprised.

By the time he had taken the stairs up to bed, he’d integrated all the information from the tricorder regarding this situation. There were sites such as this all over the planet. It was a legacy this world would probably take to its grave. He felt a frisson of disquiet. Resigned, he closed the cover on the tricorder. He saw no point in any further investigation.

Turning to return to the house, Spock frowned as he realized it was no longer in view. Kirk would be furious. At the thought of his friend, Spock’s anxiety increased and he quickened his steps.

The rain had turned the dirt to a slimy mud, and Spock had difficulty traversing the field. Haste made him careless. He went down, barely managing to land on his knees. He shook his head and propelled himself to his feet. The anxiety was now full-blown terror. Something was terribly wrong. He could feel it slicing into his consciousness through his link with Kirk.

Spock finally cleared the stand of trees and the house came into view. He stopped, his breath coming in jagged gasps. Everything looked fine. But where was Kirk? Spock started running again, and didn’t stop until he was flinging open the front door.

“Captain? CAPTAIN?” Spock stood in the living room and looked wildly about. When there was no answer, he ran up the stairs, taking them three at a time. A quick check of the upstairs made it clear that the house was empty. He stood in the hallway, his thoughts careening wildly.

Control. He needed to control this panic that was overpowering him. Fists clenched, Spock fought to even out his breathing, to regain the calm he would need if he was to find his friend. Once he had himself in hand, he quickly returned outside.

“Jim?” Spock slowly made a circuit of the house, all the while scanning the surroundings as he called Kirk’s name. Back where he had started, he spied his captain’s phaser lying in the mud.

He approached it and came down on one knee. He recognized the distinctive pattern of Kirk’s footwear and the imprints of at least three other people. Spock glanced over at the vehicle still sitting along side the yard. Retrieving the phaser, he stood and walked up to the car. The rain had washed away its tracks from two days ago. There were no others. Whoever had taken Kirk had not arrived in a contrivance anyway similar to the one that had brought them here.

Spock studied the muddied phaser. He frowned. Up until this morning, both phasers had been fully loaded. Now the gauge showed a slight drop. The weapon had obviously been fired.

He looked around. There was no evidence of a phaser blast. Actually, there was little sign of any type of struggle. Spock concluded that Kirk had been taken by surprise, which would account for the swiftness of his capture. So what had Kirk fired upon?

As he started back to the house, Spock felt a slight raise in temperature as he passed the boulders along the path. He stopped and put out his hand, slightly touching those closest to him. The third one in was perceptively warmer than the rest. This, then, had been the recipient of the phaser’s power. But why would Kirk shoot at a rock?

Several landing party experiences came to mind, and he knew. Standing out in the cold, it would have been the logical way for Kirk to keep warm. Therefore, the phaser had been fired before Kirk was attacked.

So what did he have? Kirk had been abducted, taken by at least three individuals. There was no sign that another vehicle had approached the house, nor could they have taken him on foot in the short amount of time Spock had been gone. That left –

A wave of helplessness swept over him. A phaser blast gave a distinctive sensor pattern; one that nothing on this world would produce. If a ship in orbit, scanning the area, were to identify the source, wouldn’t they investigate? It was the only thing that made any sense. Another space-faring people had destroyed the Beagle. This world was within the Orion’s known sphere of activity. Spock looked up. He had no concrete proof, but he was sure that Kirk was no longer on the planet.

[][][][][]

The next four days were an eternity for Spock. He spent most of his time in meditation. It helped. He was able to forget for a time that his friend was more than likely in the hands of notoriously brutal slavers. But it was always there waiting for him; dark despair that swamped him the moment he emerged from that deep state of nothingness.

It occurred to him to attract their attention the same way Kirk had, but realized the folly in that immediately. There was no telling if he would end up with Kirk, and no sense having both of them forever lost, with no clues as to their whereabouts for the Enterprise to follow. Helpless, he waited for the time to pass.

The last night was the worse. Perhaps knowing the Enterprise would be contacting him within hours, Spock found himself working and reworking how he would find Kirk in the limitless reaches of space. But find him, he would. He never questioned his reasoning, his complete faith in his ultimate success. He could comprehend no other outcome.

Dawn was minutes away when his communicator sounded. Spock flipped open the instrument and lost no time to explanations. “One to beam up, Mr. Scott. Immediately!”

There was no answer other than the distinctive feel of teleportation. Seconds later, Spock found himself on the platform in the transporter room, facing a determined chief engineer and medical officer.

“Where’s the captain... and your guards?” McCoy glared suspiciously.

Spock didn’t waste the time to answer. “Mr. Scott, I want a full scan of the surrounding area. Look for any evidence of recent ship activity, specifically, the signature ion trail of an Orion ship.”

“I knew there was something peculiar going on. Yon ship’s been sitting in orbit since we arrived.”

“Orion?” Spock asked. Was it truly going to be this easy?

“Aye. I’ve kept the planet between us so they don’t know we’re here. It’s a small ship – won’t be any trouble at all to bring it to heel.”
Spock nodded. “Very well. I want full power and phasers fully loaded in two minutes. I’ll be on the bridge. McCoy,” he turned to the doctor, “remain here. If I am correct, the captain has been held on that ship for the last four standard days. Your services will no doubt be needed.”

He didn’t wait for a response from the human but left immediately for the bridge. He was met on his way out by two of his guards, as well as by Farrell. He stopped as he and the human stared at one another. Volumes were spoken though not a word was exchanged. But Farrell was evidently satisfied, for when Spock started for the bridge once more, it was with his captain’s man directly behind his Vulcan counterparts.

[][][][][]

It was that easy.

Spock entered the bridge and went directly to the captain’s chair. “Lieutenant Uhura, open up a channel to the alien ship. Inform them to prepare to be boarded. Any resistance will be summarily dealt with.”

“Yes, sir.” There was a pause from the communications officer as the message was sent and received. “Sir, I have the captain of the vessel. He wishes to speak to you.”

“On audio, Lieutenant.” Spock waited for a nod from Uhura before continuing. “This is Commander Spock, currently in command of the I. S. S. Enterprise. To who am I speaking?”

There was a slight crackle of noise before the gruff voice of the Orion came on. “This is Captain Vitar. This is open space, Commander. I have every right to be here. Why are you threatening us?”

“We believe you are holding our captain. He disappeared from the planet below four days ago. Please lower your shields for immediate boarding.”

“This planet is not under the auspices of the Empire. Its inhabitants are fair game. Therefore, I will not allow you to commandeer my ship.” The Orion captain reached to end communications. “There is no point in further discussion.”

“Captain Vitar, either lower your shields or I will have your ship destroyed.” The threat was not an idle one. Spock was very aware of what awaited Kirk as an Orion slave. Death would be preferable.

Vitar’s hand slowly moved back from the controls. “There is no need for such drastic measures. I can assure you, we do not have your captain. We would never think to abduct a citizen of the Empire.”

“I will not argue. If your shields are not lowered in the next thirty seconds, we will open fire. Mister Riley,” Spock addressed the helm, “set phasers at full power to be fired at my command.”

“Commander Spock,” the Orion captain’s voice held a note of panic, “there’s no reason for this. We do not have your captain.”
“Twenty seconds, Captain Vitar.”

Outgunned, the Orions gave up without any further resistance. A full complement of security men were transported over, and with the Orion crew installed in Enterprise’s brig, Spock began the painful task of emptying out the cells as he searched for his captain.

“There must be hundreds of prisoners,” McCoy noted in dismay. He had insisted on accompanying Spock and now the two of them stood at the end of another long line of cell doors. It was cold and dark. The metal walls were almost slimy from the dank atmosphere and the fixtures, intermittently spaced, gave off a feeble light.

“Given the size of the ship, and the crowded conditions they are housed in, I would say approximately seven hundred and thirty three.” Spock stood stoically as security men emptied out the cells. One level of the ship had already been cleared without a sign of Kirk.

“What are we going to do with them?” The doctor shuddered as another prisoner was carried by. The man blankly stared into space.
Whatever had been done to him had destroyed his mind.

“Return them to their planet. There is nothing else we can do with them.”

“Even him?” McCoy pointed to the passing prisoner.

“What would you have us do, McCoy? Most will have difficulty readjusting to their own environment. It would be the height of folly to attempt to integrate them into the Empire.”

“That’s not exactly what I had in mind. I know an owner of one of the larger gladiatorial training camps. Some of the healthier – ”

“McCoy, I do not have the time or inclination to aid in your attempts at profit,” Spock answered disdainfully. “We are here to find the captain. Freeing these people is merely the most convenient method of dealing with them.”

“Mr. Spock! I think I’ve found the captain!”

Spock hurried over to the security man just withdrawing from one of the cells. “Where is he?”

“Fourth bed on the left, sir. But I couldn’t tell for sure if he was alive or not. He... he doesn’t look good, Mr. Spock.”

The door was partially open and inside you could see several narrow bunks lining the walls. On each bunk was a naked male. Spock slipped into the room and approached the bed.

He felt his stomach turn as he passed the first occupant. Dried blood dotted the man’s thighs from a recent and hurried operation. The second was worse. Hormones had obviously been administered, and the man’s body was already taking on a softer, rounder appearance. By the time Spock got to his captain, he was almost shaking.

The human lay face down. Shackles were locked onto his wrists and ankles, the connecting chains attached to the corners of the bunk. There were bruises on his hips and thighs.

“Jim?” Spock squatted down next to the bed and gently lay his hand on Kirk’s shoulder. Cold, his captain was so cold. His fingers tightened their hold and he shook the human in panic. “Jim!”

“Get out of the way, Spock.” McCoy was trying to shove his way past. “Damn it, man, I can help him.”

With an effort, Spock managed to stand and step aside. “Get those off him,” he ordered the guard at the door. Once the manacles were off, he helped McCoy turn Kirk over. There were more bruises, but his friend was at least intact. Spock looked at the doctor. “Will he live?”

McCoy was slowly passing his scanner over the inert form. “I think so. He doesn’t seem to have been beaten up or anything, but there’s a load of drugs in his system. The worst part has been the cold. Damn Orions. Not everyone can live the way they do.”

“Very well. Transport back to the ship with the captain. He is to be your only priority, McCoy. Is that understood?”

“That’s fine with me.” McCoy moved back to make room for the security man to unlock the shackles. “I don’t want to stay here any longer than I have to.”

“I will be in the brig, interrogating the prisoners. Keep me informed as to his progress.” Spock turned and walked swiftly away. He didn’t know how much longer he could have gone without touching his friend again if he had stayed.

[][][][][]

Kirk came awake with a start. Light, warmth. He gave a sigh of relief and relaxed into the comfort of the bed. He’d never been so glad to be in sickbay in his life.

He could hear McCoy out in the outer office, barking commands to his ill-used staff. The sound was almost sweet. Kirk wondered what time it was. Damn, he wasn’t even sure what day it was. He frowned. So much of his time on the Orion ship was a blank.

He remembered being overpowered on the planet. His captors had come out of nowhere. Transported to their ship, he was stripped, thrown into a cell and left alone for several hours. There must have been something in the water, because after that things started getting hazy.

Most of what he could remember was from the beginning of his imprisonment. He was sure he had been visited many times by at least one Orion. But why? Kirk pushed the blanket down to expose his body. Bruises, on his hips and thighs. Raped?

He lifted his hips slightly and slid a hand underneath. Carefully, he probed at the entrance to his body. It didn’t feel sore or tender. Even if McCoy had had to do some repair work, he’d be able to tell. No, not raped then. But something had happened.

Another voice on the other side of the door. Spock. Kirk grinned. He hadn’t been conscious for ten minutes, yet the Vulcan was already here. He pulled the covers back up and waited for his first officer to enter.

Spock didn’t disappoint him. Within seconds the door opened and his friend walked in. His hands were casually held behind his back, his demeanor slightly informal. But Kirk could see it in Spock’s eyes. The Vulcan had been worried sick.

“Captain.” Spock approached the bed. “Dr. McCoy tells me your injuries were minimal. I am most pleased to hear this.”

Kirk smiled and sat up. “Yeah, my throat’s a little sore, but other than that I feel pretty good. I suppose the Orions can’t say the same.”

Spock grabbed a pillow and helped prop Kirk up comfortably. “We transported their ‘cargo’ back to the planet’s surface and destroyed the ship. Its crew now resides in our brig.”

“How long was I over there?”

“Four days.” A cloud passed over Spock’s face. “I was unable to effect rescue until the Enterprise returned.”

“Four days?” Kirk shook his head. “Funny, it doesn’t seem that long. I could have sworn it wasn’t more than two.”

“What do you recall, Captain?”

“Not much. Mostly being alone.”

The Vulcan’s brow went up in surprise. “We found you in a cell with several other prisoners. You do not remember?”

“No.” Kirk narrowed his eyes in concentration. “I remember one of the Orion’s coming to my cell. I was on the bed... I think he injected me with something. I’m not sure though.”

“McCoy has sent a sample of your blood to the lab for complete analysis. He saw traces of several drugs, but was unable to identify them. Is there anything else you remember?”

Kirk pressed against the bridge of his nose, his eyes shut in concentration. “I think... something.... pleasurable. Something...”

“Captain?” Spock had moved closer and laid his hand on Kirk’s shoulder.

It was like a shock of electricity, the feeling that traveled from the Vulcan’s hand and spread through Kirk’s body. His head jerked up and he found himself drowning in Spock’s eyes.

“Captain?” Spock could apparently see the change, because concern now shaded his words. “Jim, are you all right?”

Kirk couldn’t find his voice. All he could do was sit there, his heart pounding. The hand on his shoulder felt like a brand, and he had to force himself not to reach up and cover it with his own.

“Jim?”

Spock drew nearer, and suddenly Kirk could smell the scent of him. He inhaled deeply and his conscience swam with thoughts new and forbidding. For a fleeting second he almost gave in. But then his mind rebelled and it took all this strength to push the Vulcan away. “I’m fine.” His voice was hoarse, as if from long use or... or what?

Spock didn’t say anything at first, stunned into silence by Kirk’s action. He cautiously appraised his captain. “No, I think not,” he finally responded.

“I’m telling you I’m fine.” Kirk’s jaw clenched. “Are we still in orbit?”

“No, sir.” The Vulcan lapsed back into formality. “Our new orders are to investigate an insurgency by Neural’s indigenous population and to restore order.”

“How long will it take to get there?”

“At our present rate of speed, taking into account the time lost in delivering the Orions to Starbase Seven, approximately six point two days.”

“Fine.” Kirk kept his head turned slightly away from the Vulcan, afraid to look directly at him, afraid of what he’d see... what he’d feel. “McCoy’s keeping me here overnight. After that, I’ll be in my quarters for a couple of days. You can send your reports there.”

“You will not be returning to the bridge?”

He wanted to. By the Gods, he wanted to. But he didn’t dare. “No. Doctor’s orders. I’ll let you know when things change.” Kirk glanced up. “Dismissed, Mr. Spock.”

Spock hesitated, his eyes full of questions. “If I may ask, Captain – ”

“No, you may not.” He glared in a battle of wills with his first officer.

Ultimately it was Spock who looked away. “Very well, Captain. If you will excuse me?”

As the door closed behind the Vulcan, Kirk slumped back into the bed, miserable and scared out of his wits. They had done something to him. And it was going to take the most important person in his life away from him.

[][][][][]

“Doctor, a word if you will.” Spock approached the ship’s CMO on his way to dinner. After leaving the bridge, he had waited here for McCoy, needing to speak to the man outside the earshot of their captain.

McCoy turned and gave Spock and his guard a nervous look. “What is it, Mr. Spock?”

The two of them had never gotten along, but he trusted McCoy’s medical opinion, if not his practices. “When do you plan on releasing the captain to duty?”

“I already did. Yesterday.”

Strange. Kirk had never made it to the bridge. “I was given to understand that he was confined to his quarters.”

“Yeah, until yesterday.” McCoy studied the first officer. “What’s the matter? Isn’t Kirk keeping you informed anymore? You two have a falling out?” There was almost a note of satisfaction in his voice.

“No, Doctor. I was merely verifying the captain’s medical status.”

“Don’t lie to me, Spock. Even I noticed that Kirk hasn’t been spending any time with you.”

Spock straightened. “How much time the captain and I spend together is none of your concern. All I need from you is verification that he is fit for duty.”

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?” McCoy sneered.

“Is he, or is he not, fit for duty?” Spock noticed the glance from his guard. He was allowing too much of his anger and apprehension to show.

The human must have picked up on the anger, too, because his voice held a hint of fear when he answered. “He’s fine. I wouldn’t have released him otherwise.”

“And the drugs? What did you discover regarding their proposed effect on him?”

“Nothing. Whatever they pumped him full of had already broken down so much the lab was unable to identify them.”

“You are not concerned?”

McCoy shrugged. “Kirk says he hasn’t had any residual effects from them. If they’re not bothering him...”

Spock frowned. The medical lab was notorious for doing only as much work as was absolutely required. “I wish you to re-run the tests.... personally.”

“Damn it, I don’t have the time – ”

“You will find the time, Doctor. Or you will find yourself spending it in the Agony Booth.” Spock walked sharply away, leaving the human open-mouthed.

He dismissed his guard at his cabin door and immediately headed for his computer. He had broken the lock on Kirk’s medical records long ago, and now pulled up the most recent. McCoy had not lied. There had been no physical damage done to the captain, outside of a few bruises and a slight case of hypothermia. Yet, something had been done to him, of that, Spock was positive.

Kirk was avoiding him. Worse, he had been actively belligerent the one time Spock had tried visiting him in his quarters. The scene in sickbay had turned out to be but a small sample of things to come. And Spock had no idea what to do about it.

He missed Kirk, desperately. And he found himself continually chastising himself for allowing the human to get so close. He had tried to go on as if it didn’t matter. For, surely, he would be better off without the disruptions caused by his ties to the human. He was, after all, Vulcan, and he would control. But what good were his vaunted controls when all he felt was the wound left by his t’hy’la’s retreat?

Spock turned off his terminal and, with no chance of a call from Kirk, decided to retire. He undressed and padded into their shared bathroom. About to order the lights on, he noticed that none shone from beneath the door into Kirk’s cabin.

He kept the room dark while he silently approached the opposite door. He could hear voices. Kirk’s and another’s; a woman’s. Apparently, his captain had finally found himself someone to replace Lieutenant Moreau. No casual assignation would be allowed to remain so late. It had been Kirk’s strict policy, one that, no doubt, had facilitated the human’s continued existence.

With an unVulcanly sigh, Spock backed away from the door and then, bringing the lights up, proceeded to his shower. He stood and let the sonic waves cleanse him while his mind processed this latest development.

As much as he was loathe to admit it, Spock realized that this was the final nail in the coffin of their friendship. Kirk was reverting back to the man he had been before the transference with that other universe: hard, cold, separate. Obviously, the human was not having the problem Spock was divorcing himself from the relationship that had come to mean so much.

Perhaps it wasn’t Kirk, after all, who had changed. Though he couldn’t fathom what it was he could have done, perhaps it was Spock who was the cause of his friend’s change of affection. Had he so upset Kirk that the human could not find it in his heart to forgive him? Was the human so rigid that one misstep on Spock’s part would cause such a rejection? No. This change had come about between one breath and another. Spock could pinpoint the very second it had happened. Kirk had been happy to see him when he first awoke in sickbay... and then he had not.

With a brusque motion, Spock turned off the sonic and stepped out of the stall. He finished his nightly preparations and retreated to his bed. There was nothing he could do tonight. What needed to be said would be said to Kirk alone. He would know why Kirk had withdrawn his friendship. And somehow, Spock vowed, he would get it back.

[][][][][]

Spock cast a glance at Kirk. Since his appearance on the bridge this morning, the captain had been brusque in his manner to not just Spock, but the entire bridge crew. Whatever had created this schism between them was now affecting Kirk’s behavior toward everyone.
“I asked for a plot change, Mr. Riley. What exactly do I have to do to get it?” Kirk practically snarled at the navigator.

“Sorry, sir. I have it now.” The young man’s hand shook slightly as he input the new data.

Kirk swore and cast a glance behind him. “Lieutenant, let me know the minute I receive an answer from Starfleet regarding my request for personnel replacements.” His gaze swept the room, going from position to position. “We may have a few vacancies soon.”

Spock’s head jerked up in alarm. The Empire tended to look the other way when an officer turned up dead, though, officially, the practice was frowned upon. But it was the height of folly to, however indirectly, threaten the entire bridge crew. Was Kirk deliberately trying to get himself killed?

More and more, that suspicion was growing in Spock’s mind. Kirk’s visitor from the night before had turned out to be a lowly ensign. There was no way his captain would have taken the female as his woman. Yet Spock had seen her stroll out of Kirk’s cabin in the early hours of the shift change. Even more ominously, none of the captain’s guards were anywhere to be seen. He had almost gone to Kirk right there and then to demand answers. But his resolve had failed him. Now, there could be no delaying their confrontation. This was not just affecting the two of them anymore.

Hesitating slightly, Spock stood and approached the center seat. Kirk was busy scanning a report but Spock knew the human had noticed him. Yet, Kirk continued reading, ignoring his presence.

Spock cleared his throat. “Captain, if I may have a word with you?”

Kirk turned towards him. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his mouth was set in a straight, cold line. “What is it, Mr. Spock?”

“I wish to schedule a meeting with you at your earliest convenience.”

The human’s eyes narrowed. “What about?”

Spock pressed his lips together, his hands tightening behind his back. “It is of a personal nature,” he quietly responded.

“Now why would you come to me with something personal?” Kirk’s voice was heavy with sarcasm, yet there was an underlying tone of fear in his words.

Anguish tore through Spock. It had been an error on his part to approach Kirk in the presence of others. He saw that now. But it was too late to withdraw. And at least here, Kirk would be forced to respond. “Please, Captain. It is vital that I speak with you.”

Kirk looked forward, as if unable to face him, and for the first time Spock really looked at his friend. Not just at his face, but at the entire man. Kirk’s hands were clenched into fists on the armrests of the chair. Yet a fine tremor could still be seen coursing through them. Droplets of sweat dotted the human’s temple and upper lip. And when Kirk finally turned back, his eyes were glazed over and held a silent plea that Spock did not understand.

“Jim,” Spock whispered, “what is wrong?”

“Spock...” Kirk appeared to reach out as his hand lifted from the rest. But then a shadow crossed his face and he seemed to withdraw deeper into himself. The once fierce charisma was blunted and withdrawn. “Come to my quarters at seventeen hundred hours.”

With that, Kirk turned away once more, leaving Spock with little alternative but to return to his station. Spock had been concerned and deeply troubled by the loss of Kirk’s affection. But now he was terrified that the friendship he had so prized was only the first of his losses.

[][][][][]

The room was dark, the only light the feeble radiance emitted by the small lamp on Kirk’s desk. His captain sat so that his face shone ghostly white within its cast. Spock let the doors of Kirk’s cabin close behind him and approached the human.

“Sit down, Mr. Spock.” Kirk motioned to the chair across from him.

Spock took the seat and waited. Kirk had a glass of liquor in his hands and a half empty bottle sat within reach. Whatever it was his captain had finally decided to tell him was apparently not going to be pleasant for either of them.

“Mr. Spock,” Kirk cleared his throat nervously, “I’ve been asked to recommend someone for the captaincy of the Constellation. Matt Decker just got himself knifed and they’re looking for a replacement from somewhere other than the ship.” He took a sip from the glass before continuing. “It’s the third captain they’ve lost in as many years. The ship needs a strong hand. I’m going to put your name in.”

Spock’s mouth went dry. He was stunned by the information and it took a few moments for his mind to form a response. “I do not wish command. You are aware of this.”

“Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do. You know that as well as I do. It’s for the best... all around.”

“Jim,” he saw the rejection of his use of Kirk’s name in the captain’s face, “Captain, I do not wish to leave the Enterprise.”

Kirk shrugged. “You’ll get over it.”

“So, I have no say in this?” Spock stood and turned his back and let his anger have full reign. “I was a fool to believe you could maintain the sort of relationship that had grown between us. I allowed you to become a part of me, took you as t’hy’la. This is how you repay me. I should have known better.”

“Spock, I – ”

“There is no need for further explanation, Captain.” He turned to face his former friend, but kept his eyes riveted on the wall behind the human. “My resignation will be on your desk within the hour. If that is all, sir – ”

“Resignation? Who said anything about you resigning?” Kirk shot to his feet. “You can’t leave Starfleet!”

“Can’t I?” Spock responded. He was furious now. Kirk had withdrawn his friendship, yet had the audacity to think he could still control Spock’s life.

“You’ve been an Imperial officer. Do you believe you can just walk away from that? You’ve made a lot of enemies, Spock. We both have. The service is the only place either of us is safe.”

“Do not concern yourself, Captain. As I will no longer be your first officer, it will not reflect adversely on you.”

“That’s not it!” Kirk came around the desk and planted himself in front of Spock. “I don’t want you dead!”

“Why?” He grabbed the human’s arm, forgetting the difference in rank. All he knew was that Kirk did still care, no matter how he seemed to be trying to deny it, and Spock would not leave this room without knowing why. “What difference should it make to you whether I live or die?” He jerked Kirk’s arm. “Answer me!”

“Damn it, let go of me.” Kirk tried to draw away, but was unable to break Spock’s hold.

Through the physical connection, Spock began to feel what his captain was trying desperately to hide. Kirk was afraid, terrified. Of him? No, the fear was of being alone once more, of losing what he held most dear. And beneath it all... Spock allowed their link to open all the way.

“Stop it!” Kirk began struggling even more as if realizing what Spock was doing.

Images coalesced. Images of Kirk beneath an Orion male, being taken and responding to it, desiring it above all else, but only from the one closest to his heart. Spock’s eyes went wide and he unexpectantly let go of the human.

Kirk stumbled back against the screen that divided the room. He slowly drew himself up as he nursed his arm against his chest. “So, now you know. Satisfied?”

“How – ”

“Drugs... and some machine I’ve never seen before.” He walked dejectedly toward his desk and took his seat. “Does it matter?”

“Jim,” Spock moved to regain his chair, “it matters a great deal. There may be a way to reverse the process.”

“No,” Kirk shook his head. “I’ve already checked that out. Apparently I’m not the first person the Orions have ever done this to. They’ve never been able to change anyone back. Pathetic, isn’t it?”

Spock ached for the shame and self-loathing that emanated from his friend. So much lost, for both of them. For what Kirk had felt, was only for him. Kirk now desired no other. “This is why you attempted to drive me away. You feared my revulsion.”

“Well, aren’t you?”

“No, I am not. You cannot help what you feel. This was done to you. You did not chose to have this done.”

Kirk’s expression held a certain amusement with the scorn. “You don’t understand, do you?”

“That you desire me sexually? What is there to understand? The Orions forced this on you in order to sell you into sexual slavery.”

“What kind of sex-slave would I have been if the only person I was attracted to wasn’t around? Think about it, Spock. They wanted me to desire males!”

Spock’s eyebrows rose. “But that is not what you feel. All your desire is towards me.”

“Don’t you think I know that? It’s because I love you!” The last words were almost a sob. Kirk lowered his head and pressed his fingers against his forehead, shadowing his face. “They took what I felt for you, our friendship, and twisted it into this... thing inside of me. I don’t think they meant for it to happen, but they didn’t know... didn’t know how I felt about you. But I knew the moment you touched me that you were all I would ever want.”

He looked up and his eyes swam with the unshed tears that hoarsened his voice, “You must know I loved you before. You were the best friend I’d ever had. But I didn’t desire you. Now I do. And all you feel is friendship. That’s why I can’t have you around me anymore, Spock. It hurts too much.”

“Do you know me so little that you could believe I would turn from you once I knew this?” Spock shook his head. “You are still my friend, James Kirk. Nothing could ever change that.”

“There’s a world of difference between friendship and what I feel for you now. It can’t be the same for us anymore. I don’t want your pity.”

“I do not pity you. You are the strongest person I have ever known. And though I do not understand this thing you humans call ‘love’, I know that what I feel for you is more rich, more fulfilling to me than anything else I have ever experienced with anyone. Is that not enough to allow our friendship to survive?”

“No,” Kirk whispered. “I know that just from what I’ve gone through in the last few days. I want you, Spock. In a way I’ve never wanted anyone before. All the women I’ve had in my life,” he shook his head in disgust, “I don’t think... no, I know, I didn’t love any of them. And I didn’t care how they felt about me, either. That’s the difference, you see. I trusted you, wanted you at my side, and worried about you when you weren’t. Now that I desire you, too, the kind of man I am, I’d probably end up hating you for not wanting me in return.”

“Is there nothing to be done for us then? Jim, I do not wish to leave you.” He felt an emptiness, like the deepest abyss, open up before him as he contemplated his life from this day forth. Without Spock’s awareness, Kirk had insinuated himself into his very being. There would be no filling the void the human’s absence would create.

Kirk leaned back in his chair and turned his head away. He sat there as if alone for several seconds. When he finally spoke, Spock understood that his exile had begun.

“I’ll sign your transfer... or resignation as soon as it hits my desk. That’s all Mr. Spock. You’re dismissed.”

His captain did not turn to watch him as he stood and walked from the room. And when Spock looked back as the doors closed behind him, he saw that Kirk had still not moved, once again no more than a ghostly image in the circle of light.

[][][][][]

Spock rested against the pillowed headboard, his hands folded across his abdomen. He’d returned to his quarters to contemplate steps that would forever change not just his life, but that of those closest to him.

There was, after all, a solution to their problem. The question was, was it one Spock was willing to take? He had to carefully study his options, carefully think this through. There could be no room for error.

Kirk. That he “loved” the human was really not in doubt. After listening to his captain’s own reasons for believing he held that emotion for his first officer, Spock was left with little choice but to accept that he held the same for Kirk. They trusted each other, completed each other. And if bonded, would desire each other.

And they would have the stars. Spock would have no reason to return to Vulcan. Together, he and Kirk would blaze a trail across the stars that would be the stuff of legend.

On the other side, T’Pring. She had agreed to be his consort, but only if he returned to Vulcan. There would be no children, but at least the honored place of head of clan when Sarek stepped down and the ambassadorship if Spock so desired. He and T’Pring would have a life of peace and contentment.

But he would have to give up the stars... now. By cutting all ties to Kirk, he would be totally dependent on T’Pring’s good will. He could not afford to further try her patience. And he would miss his friend.

Spock sighed and sat up. Who did he seek to delude? He could not bear the thought of leaving Kirk. The link that already bound them had given him the first true happiness he had ever known. Life without the human would be a slow descent into a gray miasma of loneliness and boredom. It went without saying that bonding with Kirk would be the more desirable course. But what would his captain’s response be to such a suggestion?

Enough. Spock knew what his course of action must be. He closed his eyes and reached into his mind. The path to his link to T’Pring was dark, an ill-used corridor that neither had traversed since his pon farr. It was many moments before he saw the faint emanations of her thoughts reaching out to him. Without hesitation, he allowed her into the deep recesses of his mind.

He felt more than heard her. Whatever words she might have had for him were lost in the anger she threw at him as his intentions became clear. Spock had thought the greatest pain would be the struggle to make her let him go. What he had not expected was her bitter relief as she redrew from him. He would never know if it was a sop to her pride or if she had always held him in such low regard. It no longer mattered. From this day forth, his only concern would be for the man fighting his own pain in the next cabin.

Yet, there was much Spock still did not understand. Though heterosexual, Spock knew that Kirk had not been above taking to bed any young male yeoman he happened to fancy. His friend had never tried to hide that fact. It was an accepted practice within the Empire, to seek relief with a subordinate, be they male or female. Why then this overpowering fear at being a source of pity now that it was his exclusive inclination?

There was only one way to find out. He would go to Kirk. He would offer the bond and all it entailed. For truly, there was no other way now... for either of them.

[][][][][]

The bottle was almost empty, yet he still felt sober. Kirk pushed himself to his feet and headed for bed. Asleep was the only way he felt good anymore. Except for the dreams. Who would have thought Spock would come to haunt him at night, too? But he did, such wonderful dreams that depression would come crashing over Kirk when he woke to the cold reality of morning.

Strange how those dreams had brought back his memories of being on board the Orion’s ship. Memories that were at once terrifying and glorious. He cringed when he thought of what had been done to him, those cold hands on his body and the horror of being invaded. Yet, he remembered responding to those touches and the flesh that filled him. By then, he’d had little choice.

Now the thought of Spock doing that to him could bring him to painful erection. He wanted Spock. But he couldn’t have Spock.

Dejectedly, he sat on the foot of the bed and worked his boots off, his socks quickly following. He’d started to remove the sash at his waist when the tone for the door sounded.

Company was the last thing he needed. It better not be McCoy. With any luck, it would be an emergency that would take his mind away from his troubles. He returned to his desk before hitting the switch to unlock the door. “Come.”

The last person in the world he would have expected stood at the entrance. But Spock wasn’t in uniform. The loose fitting tunic hung to mid-thigh and draped over pants that clung to the Vulcan’s form. The midnight blue color made Spock look even more dangerous than normal. Dangerous, and the most erotic looking sight Kirk had ever beheld.

The Vulcan kept his hands behind his back as he stepped into the room and approached Kirk’s desk. He didn’t sit down. “I have come to a decision.”

Kirk’s voice deserted him. No, it was too soon. He’d thought to have a couple of days to at least know that Spock was still on the ship. All he could do was stare as the Vulcan took a step closer.

“I do not wish to leave the ship.”

Kirk forced the words past his lips. “You don’t have a choice in the matter. Either you – ”

“Captain, please hear me out,” Spock interrupted. “I believe I have a solution to our problem.”

“A solution. That would be quite a trick, Mr. Spock.”

“Nevertheless, I think you will find that my proposition has merit.”

“All right, go ahead.”

Spock swallowed... hard. It was a tell-tale sign, and suddenly Kirk became angry. “No! Whatever it is, I don’t want to hear it!”

Spock looked clearly stunned. “Why – ”

“Because I know you, Mr. Spock. You’ve come up with some way to sacrifice yourself so that I can have what I want. Well, it won’t work. I don’t want your sacrifices, Spock, not anymore than I wanted your pity.”

“Jim, what I am advocating would not be a sacrifice on my part. On the contrary, I believe I would gain more from it than you would.”
Kirk’s eyes narrowed. “That’s hard to believe. But, okay, I’ll listen.” He settled back in his chair, intrigued in spite of himself.

“There is a way...,” Spock looked down, apparently uncomfortable, “...a way to insure that each of us is of paramount importance to the other.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You asked if someday I would have a mental closeness to T’Pring.”

“I remember. You said you didn’t have a mental affinity.”

“That is correct. And for Vulcans, that affinity is the most important aspect when it comes to choosing a mate. There is one I feel such an affinity with.”

Kirk went cold inside. “No.”

“Jim, it would be the perfect solution. We could be together. We could have what our counterparts have,” Spock argued emphatically.
“So that’s it. I get you and you... what? Pretend I’m that other Kirk?”

“I want no other but you. It is you who has brought meaning to my life. But does it not add to the argument that our lives would parallel theirs?”

Kirk only stared, afraid to answer. He wanted to say yes so bad he could taste it. He loved Spock and his body was crying out for the completion only the Vulcan could give him. But could he play Caesar to Spock’s King Nicomedes? And would he be allowed to keep the Enterprise once it became known that he had?

But most of all, what would it mean to Spock? To be referred to as one of the oft-maligned “warrior-mates” of Vulcan’s ancient past? Could he allow such a sacrifice, even if it was what Spock thought he wanted? No, he couldn’t.

“I don’t want to be bonded to you, Spock. I’ll get over this, even if it takes screwing every woman between here and Terra. You think I’d throw away my career on some sentimental dream of settling down and playing house? Go back to T’Pring, Spock. I don’t want you on my ship anymore. Now, get out of here!”

The Vulcan seemed to panic for a moment, as if unable to decide what to do next. But then a calm appeared to settle over him. He brought his hands to his side and came around the desk to Kirk. Once he stood directly in front of his captain, he sank to his knees and placed his head on Kirk’s lap. “Please, t’hy’la. Do not send me away.”

Kirk sat, frozen, unable to push the Vulcan away. “Spock, don’t,” he croaked.

Spock lifted his head, the long expanse of lonely years ahead already beginning to show in his eyes, and Kirk was lost. He allowed the slightly trembling hand that stretched forth to settle on his face. It was what he wanted. He couldn’t fight it anymore.

It was a warmth that spread out from the warm fingers on Kirk’s meld points to inundate his soul. He could feel the Vulcan become part of him, inextricably linking them for all time. It was like nothing he had ever known, a comforting presence that would forever after be the focal point of his existence. It was Spock in his mind and in his heart. And he would never let him go.

He felt the caress across his cheek as Spock withdrew his hand. Kirk opened his eyes. He didn’t remember closing them, but so much of what had just happened was like a vague and diaphanous dream.

Spock smiled up at him. “It will become clearer with time. You will remember it, always.”

“Spock, I – ”

Spock brought his hand up to place two paired fingers against Kirk’s lips. “It is past time for talk. I wish to make us one... in all ways.”
Kirk’s answer was to stand, pulling Spock to his feet at the same time. He took Spock’s hand and led him to the sleeping area. In his own way, Kirk would be in control. If it was to be his role to take the Vulcan into his body, then he would set the pace. He would give his lover pleasure Spock could never have dreamed of. If nothing else, the Orions had taught him that.

He slowly undressed and then turned to allow the Vulcan an unimpeded view. Spock had stopped at the entrance to the room and his hand tightened on the divider. Kirk could see desire spark in the dark eyes.

“Do you want me?” Kirk lay on the bed without taking his gaze away from Spock. He brought his knees up and spread his legs wide. He touched himself, his hand bringing his own cock to straining hardness while the Vulcan only stared. Kirk smiled and whispered huskily, “I want you.”

In a blur of motion, Spock divested himself of his clothing. He approached the foot of the bed and stopped. His breath deepened as through dilated eyes he watched Kirk pleasure himself. Finally, he moved onto the bed and knelt between Kirk’s legs. “Yes, I want you. I will always want you.”

Kirk removed his hand from his organ and reached out. “Take me then.”

When Spock’s hand settled lightly on his thigh, Kirk groaned and arched his body into the touch. It was like a brand on his skin, moving along the inside of his leg, inching ever higher. “God, yes, touch me.”

Fingers stretched over his thighs, tightening and untightening as they made their way up his legs to dance over his stomach and across his chest. Kirk felt hot breath on his genitals and then Spock’s tongue licked along the crease between his leg and groin.

Kirk almost came up off the bed then, if not for the hot Vulcan hands pressing him down. Spock caressed his chest, pinching lightly at his nipples as he grabbed convulsively at Kirk’s body. All the while his tongue moved sensuously through Kirk’s pubic hair, nipping his balls, teasing Kirk.

Kirk brought his hands down to tangle in Spock’s hair. He pushed the Vulcan’s head down as he tried to force Spock’s mouth on his cock. “Suck me, suck my cock.” Kirk was almost delirious with want.

Spock stopped and raised his head only enough for Kirk for see the look on his face. Lust radiated from the Vulcan’s visage. Hunger for Kirk ruled him now, and Kirk felt a power like he’d never known before.

“You want it, Spock. I know you do. Do it to me. Do it to me now.” Kirk threw his head back with a cry when the Vulcan’s mouth engulfed his swollen organ. It was a caldron of heat that threatened to burn him alive. And when Spock started sucking on him, the wet noises filling the room, Kirk lifted his hips and buried his cock as far as it would go into that hot cavity. It felt so good, so damn good. Kirk’s hips began to slowly undulate, his cock slipping in and out of the Vulcan’s mouth. He felt himself lifted and he wrapped his legs around Spock’s shoulders.

He didn’t know how long it went on. Time had no meaning. Existence was the rapture of Spock between his legs, Spock’s tongue doing crazy things to his cock. Kirk didn’t even notice the pillow at first. All he knew was that Spock’s hands were free again and on his body. The slightest move on his part was enough to get the Vulcan to do exactly what he wanted him to do. He flexed his ass and Spock’s hands were there, fondling his flesh. The long fingers skimmed between his ass cheeks and pulled them wide to expose Kirk’s anus. Saliva had run between Kirk’s legs and onto his buttocks, so when Spock’s finger suddenly entered his body, it was wet and met no resistance.

A low moan escaped from deep in his throat. Kirk loosened the grip his legs had on the Vulcan. At the same time, he grabbed at Spock’s arms and tried to pull his lover closer to him. “Kiss me. I want you to kiss me.”

Spock looked half dazed as he struggled to obey the command. He almost fell on Kirk in his haste to react. With his fingers still buried in Kirk’s body he leaned over and covered Kirk’s mouth with his own.

Kirk had never tasted anything as sweet. He devoured the Vulcan. His hands were in Spock’s hair, holding handfuls in his fists. Small noises escaped his throat with the moans of pleasure. His sphincter clenched around the fingers plunging into his body, while he sucked at the hot Vulcan tongue in his mouth.

Suddenly his lover pulled away. Grabbing Kirk’s legs below the ankles, Spock pushed himself up on his knees. The Vulcan seemed to be barely holding on. He was panting, a half crazed look in his eyes. His neat beard was wet with saliva. “I need... I need...”

“You need me. And you belong to me now.” Kirk watched his lover through slitted eyes. The Vulcan was almost shaking with desire, with hunger. With a feeling of triumph, Kirk leaned forward and pulled Spock’s hips closer until the Vulcan’s cock nudged at the opening of Kirk’s body. “This is yours. Take it.”

Spock’s eyes rolled back as his organ slid into Kirk.

He choked back a scream as the shaft buried itself in his body, pulled out and plunged back in again. The Vulcan was in a frenzy, as if lost in his single-minded pursuit of gratification.

Suddenly the newly formed bond sprang to life, and then Kirk felt like he was dying and being reborn. The cock that pounded into his ass was nothing to the mind blowing sensation of Spock exploding into his soul. He could see all that Spock was, and what he was to Spock. And he knew that somehow Spock was seeing all that he was, too. He could hear noises, moans and sobs that went on and on but he couldn’t tell if it was him or Spock making them.

Kirk reached above his head and grabbed hold of the headrest. His body was being rocked from inside and out, and every time the Vulcan’s organ slid across his prostate convulsions of pleasure shot through him. His organ bobbed against his abdomen every time Spock pushed into him. And when the Vulcan froze and Kirk felt his rectum fill with heat, his own orgasm washed over him. He moaned as his seed pulsed out and puddled on his belly.

He looked up in time to see sanity return to the Vulcan’s eyes. “Are you okay?”

Spock let go of Kirk’s legs and gently extricated his cock from Kirk’s body. He lay down to the side, pulling the pillow out from under Kirk’s hip as he made himself comfortable next to him. “I have never been better.”

“Me, either. You’re pretty good for a novice, Spock.”

The Vulcan almost blushed. “The bonding created a sort of semi-heat. I wanted you... desperately. But I have hurt you.” He touched at the bruises forming on Kirk’s hips and thighs.

Kirk shook his head. “No, you didn’t. And I liked how you got. Do you know how powerful I felt knowing I could do that to you? Get you into such a state? It was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Then I will look forward to being on the receiving end of such feelings. It should be interesting to watch you lost in such ecstasy.”

With a scowl, Kirk turned on his side and away from Spock. “That’s not even funny.”

“What is wrong? What have I said to bring offense?”

“You know that can never happen. You know it, yet you said what you said anyway.”

“Jim, I do not know what you are referring to.”

When he felt Spock’s fingers on his shoulder, Kirk abruptly sat up. “It’s never going to be me in you. Or don’t you remember what I told you?” He was practically shouting, but he didn’t care. He had felt love, but now all he felt was a crushing pain.

“I remember. But I do not believe it.”

Kirk was speechless for several seconds. How did one respond to such an asinine statement? Finally, he responded. “And just because you don’t believe it, it’s not true, is that it? Just because Spock of Vulcan wants cock up his ass, his bondmate is going to miraculously be able to give it to him.”

“Precisely.”

If Kirk hadn’t known better, he would have sworn Spock was toying with him. But he did know better. Given time to think about it, he knew Spock would never hurt him. Ever. “What are you talking about?” he ruefully asked.

Spock sat up and folded his legs in front of him. “The bond is a miraculous thing. It binds us together, makes us one. And it allows us to find, and give, pleasure to each other in ways non-telepaths cannot comprehend.” He shifted around to face Kirk. “Do you honestly believe that I would have argued so fervently for a union that would be a mere travesty of one?” Spock brought his hand up to cup Kirk’s face. “No, t’hy’la. Whatever I can feel, you can feel. That is the way of the bond. Nothing can change that. Whatever mental blocks the Orions placed so that you would be unable to complete penetration of another male are powerless against it.”

“Then why don’t I feel like I can now?” Kirk was trying to keep the hope out of his voice, but he wasn’t doing a very good job.

“We have been bonded for twenty point three minutes. You must give it at least a little time.”

Kirk searched Spock’s face for any sign of doubt. There was none. Gradually, he let himself relax and he smiled. “Okay. I’ll give it... how long should I give it?”

Spock unfolded himself and drew Kirk down with him. He used the corner of the blanket to clean them both up, and then rolled on his back so that Kirk’s head could lay on his chest. “I would not be surprised if, before the night was through, I will have experienced the pleasure of being filled by you.”

“I can hardly wait.” Kirk snuggled closer and wrapped his arm around Spock’s waist. “I love what you did to me, but still...”

“‘King Nicomedes’? Really, Jim,” Spock chided.

Kirk’s head came up in surprise. “How did you know – ”

Spock tapped Kirk’s brow. “Much is shared during the meld, especially if sexually conjoined at the time.”

Kirk shrugged. “It haunted him the rest of his life.”

“And he came to create an empire that exists still. Is that so terrible a fate?”

With a smile, Kirk lowered his head back down. “I guess not. But I think this is better, don’t you?”

“Immeasurably.”

Kirk laughed but then grew pensive. “Do you think something like this is why they’re together?”

“No. Their McCoy was privy to their reasons. They loved one another from the start. They came together out of a shared need and desire.”

“Strange how we ended up the same way, even if it was by a totally different path. I wonder if it will always be that way. If our lives will always shadow theirs.”

Though Spock’s fingers were carding through his hair, he could tell the Vulcan was having a hard time staying awake. Yet he still managed to respond to Kirk’s musings. “Who can tell what is shadow and what substance? Perhaps we both are, perhaps neither.” He used his free hand to gently squeeze Kirk’s arm. “This is real enough for me. Let my counterpart have his worlds. I find mine quite satisfactory.”

Spock’s breath deepened and Kirk felt the Vulcan slip into sleep. Shadows and substance. Kirk grinned. Smoke and mirrors. He had what he wanted. He was happy. What more was there? And, somehow, they’d deal with the problems to come. He settled into sleep, giving no more thought to those other worlds. Except, perhaps in the back of his mind, for the slightly blighted one they had left days before. For good or ill, it had inadvertently given him this. Perhaps he would find some way to repay it. Perhaps.

Finis