gilda_elise

Title: The Winter Of Our Discontent
Fandom: Star Trek (TOS)
Pairing: James Kirk/ Spock
Summary: Kirk and Spock have to deal with the aftereffects, both mental and emotional, caused by Spock’s abduction.
Notes: Originally published in T'hy'la 31 by Kathy Resch (2011)

AUTHOR’S NOTE:
What came before:
“Evolving Toward Forever”, First Time #55, 2002
The incident with Janice Lester is the catalyst for a bonding between Kirk and Spock, and soon after that the Enterprise is ordered to transport a group of scientists to the “salt vampire’s” planet. The leader, Dr. Tom Matheson, and his lover, Irene Norton, make problems for the bonded pair by playing on Kirk’s insecurities as his sexual desires start to focus exclusively on Spock. Things come to a head when Matheson attempts to drug Kirk and ends up overdosing himself.

Six months later (“The Exile”, Beyond Dreams #4, 2002) their bond secure, Kirk and Spock are forced from Starfleet when their relationship is discovered. They begin anew as the command team of a Vulcan research vessel, but their lives are once again disrupted when Kirk falls ills during a planet survey. With no human doctor on board, Kirk and Spock are forced to return to Vulcan when a cure is not found. McCoy’s arrival brings not just a cure for Kirk but the information that Komack, and his involvement with the M-5 research funding, was behind Kirk and Spock’s courts-martial.

With Komack’s duplicity brought to light (“Ties That Bind”, Beyond Dreams #7, 2004) Kirk and Spock are recalled to Earth so that their courts-martial can be reexamined. But just as one problem is dealt with, another appears as Spock is abducted by a Romulan bent on learning the secret of Vulcans’ telepathy, a talent Romulans no longer have. After Spock is rescued, they learn that they have been exonerated by Star Fleet but chose to remain with their Vulcan ship and crew.

~~~~~

A light breeze tickled his cheek, adding to the morning chill. Not enough time had passed for the recently risen sun to bring warmth to his surroundings. The rocks that formed the enclosure behind their house would still be cold to the touch.

Spock drew his cloak more tightly around himself and attempted to return to his meditations. He knew almost immediately that he was doomed to failure. He looked back and up at their bedroom window. The reason for his disquiet continued to sleep. Part of Spock’s disquiet was the certainly with which he knew that.

Almost six months had passed since his rescue from the Romulan, Tazon. The channel Sator had opened between Spock and Kirk in order to facilitate that rescue had not closed as readily as their ship’s healer had anticipated. Half a solar year later, both he and Kirk were still dealing with its effects.

His thoughts drifting to that subject where they often were now to be found, Spock abandoned any attempt at continuing his meditation and took a seat on one of the stone benches that were scattered all through the garden. He’d always found solace in this most special place.

Kirk had ever been the explorer, but Spock had believed that his bondmate had finally found a place to settle, here in their home on Vulcan. But then twenty standard days before, the unfortunate circumstances of their present lives had awakened something new in Kirk. Or so Spock imagined, for what other reason could there be? Restless, quick to anger, he appeared to be looking for something. Or, perhaps, Spock thought with resignation, Kirk was looking to get away from something. Or someone.

Not that Kirk would ever admit that one thing had anything to do with the other. As far as Kirk was concerned, the psychic emanations he still picked up from Spock were a price he was more than willing to pay to get his bondmate back. And if those emanations sometimes threatened to drown his identity in a morass of Vulcan logic and passion, so be it. But Spock knew better. Kirk might still profess his love and singular devotion but with each passing day Spock could feel his bondmate’s discontent driving a wedge between them.

He could only hope that their task for the next three standard months would help ease Kirk’s vexation.

From the day they had first set foot on RP1485, Kirk had been very vocal in his desire to make a second home there; its lush fields and untamed beauty worked as a siren’s call on Kirk. Spock had done what he could to make that dream a reality; he hoped his solution would not turn out to be a huge mistake.

Awake

Spock turned again to stare up at their bedroom window. Kirk was stirring, his mind automatically seeking its counterpart.

He remembered the first time he had felt Kirk’s mind calling to his. Spock had been stunned by the force of his reaction. Kirk’s mind-blindness had never bothered Spock; to have this man at his side, he would have sacrificed a great deal more. Yet, he could not deny the pleasure he had experienced at the thought of this unforeseen gift. So few of his people had the aptitude necessary to be elevated to this illustrious pantheon; for him and Kirk to have reached it would have been gratifying, indeed.

Spock

With a jerk of his head, he tried to ignore Kirk’s summons. More often than not, it had turned out that the contact was completely unintentional, only a random thought from a mind untrained in the intricacies of telepathy. It wasn’t as if Kirk was actually calling him.

And it wasn’t that Spock minded—much. It was more the disappointment of having been given something, then finding you were unable to use it; like acquiring a piano only to discover one is tone-deaf.

Spock

With an involuntary grimace, Spock stood and took the path back to the house. The tug on his being was too strong to ignore. Reaching the house, he opened the door and reentered the darkened abode. He, too, was paying a price, and his steps up the winding staircase were heavy.

Still, he tried to dampen both his misgivings regarding their coming assignment and his disquiet over his and Kirk’s current difficulties. Spock straightened his shoulders and attempted to calm his mind as he entered their bedroom.

The room was empty but he could hear the shower running. He approached the door to the bathroom; Kirk’s form was visible through the opaque glass of the shower stall and the steam that billowed forth from the bathroom.

Spock approached the bed, absent-mindedly putting in order the clothes Kirk had laid out as he debated the merits of intruding on his bondmate. From the slightly off-key singing emanating from the next room, it was evident that Kirk was in a good mood. Spock wished to keep him that way.

“Are you out there?” Kirk yelled, as if defying Spock’s attempt at creating a distance between them.

Spock put down the socks he had found himself rolling and unrolling and entered the bathroom. “Yes, I am here.”

“Good. I talked to Stovan. The ship’s ready; they can beam us aboard any time now,” Kirk commented as he stepped out of the shower and grabbed the towel that hung nearby. He dried himself with quick swipes, obviously in a hurry to get on their way.

“I had our personal items beamed up earlier. I informed Stovan at that time that we would contact him when we were ready. I do not understand why he would—”

“I called him,” Kirk interrupted him mid-sentence as he walked out of the bathroom and over to the bed. He began to quickly dress. “I wanted to make sure the problems with the secondary engine had been resolved.”

Spock took a breath and schooled his features. Stovan didn’t appear to mind Kirk’s habit of expecting something before the time he had been told it would be ready; a holdover, no doubt, from Mr. Scott’s less precise estimations. Spock could count on one hand the times their former engineer had not managed to bring about repairs far sooner than originally promised. How long their present engineer would continue to put up with Kirk’s impatience was another matter. Stovan was Vulcan, but his forbearance was not limitless. At some point he could see the two men coming to an impasse. Spock did not want to be in the room when it happened.

“And were they?”

Kirk chuckled. “Yeah, and don’t give me that look. If Stovan hasn’t figured out by now that it isn’t personal, well, he should have. Besides, they’re going to be on their own once they drop us off on RP1485. I don’t want anything to go wrong.” He stopped, a bemused look on his face. “We really do need to come up with a proper name for the place.”

“I will add it to the list,” Spock dryly responded.

“Very funny.” Kirk stepped into his pants, then sat on the bed to put his boots on. “I’ve been giving it a lot of thought. If there’s any chance we’re going to be living there someday, I’d like it to have a name that’s short and sweet. Nothing fancy, but something that will stick in people’s minds.”

“I truly doubt our wishes will be taken into consideration. Since the planet was discovered by a Vulcan ship and is being surveyed by Vulcans, it will be up to the appropriate committee within the VSA to chose a name.”

“Oh, I know that.” Kirk stood up and struggled into his shirt. “But I figured there must be some way to nudge them in the right direction. We were the ones who found it, after all. That should count for something.”

Spock truly didn’t believe that would be the case, but preferred that Kirk find that out on his own. Instead, he approached the dresser where his and Kirk’s communicators lay. Without missing a beat, Kirk took his from Spock’s hand and flipped it open.

“Kirk to Warrior’s Oath. Two to beam up.”

~~~~~

“There you are.” Kirk entered their cabin in a rush but slowed his pace in surprise when he saw Spock sitting in front of his desk, working diligently. “We’ll be orbiting the planet in less than ten minutes. What the hell are you doing?”

Spock closed down his work and turned off the terminal. “I just finished downloading the list of our objectives into the station’s computer, along with Warrior Oath’s schedule for the next three standard months.”

“No, I mean all this.” He spread his arms to include the stacks of large sheets of paper piled to one side.

Spock stood and began rolling the sheets up. “They are the maps of the area.”

“Isn’t that information in the computer?”

“Yes, but there is no way to print them out to such a large degree.” The maps rolled tight, he inserted them in a tube he’d acquired from stores.

Kirk looked at him in confusion. “What’s wrong with a tricorder?”

“There is nothing wrong with it. But these maps show the areas in great detail. On such a small screen, we would either have to sacrifice much detail or be restricted to studying only a minute section at a time. Since our main responsibility is to continue surveying the area in order to catalogue its life forms, I deemed it necessary to procure more appropriate documents.” He tucked the tube under his arm. “I am ready for departure. Our personal items have already been delivered to the transporter room, all ship’s personnel have been briefed on their assigned duties and I have verified that stores at the survey station are more than adequate for our needs.”

“Right. Okay, if you’re ready to go, we might as well get this show on the road.”

Spock only nodded his head, then followed Kirk from the room.

The ship was in a turmoil, or at least as much as a Vulcan ship could be said to be. And though all would deny it, Spock was of the mind that the crew, and especially Stovan, who had been left in command, was...enthusiastic at the challenge of running the ship without its captain or science officer.

He glanced over at Kirk. His bondmate had been surprisingly eager to accept the charge of taking over survey and classification of RP1485 for the next duty cycle. They would be alone on the planet, with little to do once their daily assessments were done; not exactly a situation that was normally to Kirk’s liking.

Still, he had to admit that, all reservations aside, he was looking forward to the three months of enforced isolation. Perhaps during that time they could manage to come to some sort of resolution regarding their bond. Spock only hoped that they could come to a resolution. He had no idea what would become of them if they could not.

He shoved that thought aside as they entered the transporter room. Talok, a young student who had recently joined the crew, stood behind the controls. Next to him, Dr. McCoy impatiently waited.

“You know, I’ve got other things to do than wait to see you two off,” the doctor complained as he came out from behind the controls, his hands locked behind his back.

“No one asked you to, Bones,” Kirk responded.

“Well, someone has to make sure you don’t forget anything. Three months is a long time to go without the necessities of life.”

“Which are?”

McCoy brought his arms around. A large bottle, obviously filled with an alcoholic beverage, was in one hand. “The best champagne money can buy. I thought it might come in handy. All work and no play...well, you know how it goes.”

Kirk laughed and reached for the bottle. “Thanks. I’m sure we’ll put it to good use, won’t we, Spock?”

Spock looked over from where he stood in front of the controls. Perhaps unnecessarily, he had wanted to make sure the coordinates were correct. They were. “Indeed, if for no other reason than to celebrate the fact that Dr. McCoy will not be with us.”

“Hey, I moved out of your house, didn’t I?”

“And don’t think we don’t appreciate it,” Kirk interjected. “Has everything already been sent down?” At a nod from Talok, Kirk turned to his bondmate. “Come on, Spock, time to go.”

The two men walked over and took their places on the transporter, while McCoy went to stand next to Talok.

“See you in three months, McCoy.” Kirk nodded to Talok. “Energize.”

~~~~~

They materialized at the edge of a meadow, the forest beyond it little more than a darkening outline; day would soon give way to night. In front of them stood the small structure that would be their home for the duration. Made of a marble-like stone and transparent aluminum, the building gave the impression of strength yet Spock could also see in its facade a welcome of sorts.

Many would have thought it severe, and perhaps in any other setting it would be, but here amid the unspoiled beauty of this virgin planet, it drew you in, its clean lines in stark contrast to the lush wilderness that surrounded it.

“I like it,” Kirk remarked.

Leave it to Kirk to sum up his feelings in three little words, Spock thought as he turned to gaze at the house once more.

The front gave the appearance of one big window; even the door was transparent. From where they stood they could see that even within walls were at a minimum. The living room flowed into the kitchen area, with the bedroom the only section partitioned off. The back wall was broken by two doorways leading into the rest of the house.

Kirk shivered and glanced up at the darkening sky. “Come on, let’s go inside. It’s getting cold out here.” He strode forward, walking up the path to the front door. Already keyed to their individual patterns, it opened at Kirk’s touch.

They entered and Spock smiled at the delight on Kirk’s face as he strolled passed the dining table to the small kitchen set into the back wall. He deposited the bottle of champagne from McCoy in the cooler, then set about exploring the rest of the house.

They found their personal items, supplies and equipment in the storage area behind the kitchen. The room was open at both ends and acted as a hall of sorts that bisected the house. At one end was the bathroom, tucked between the front bedroom and a second bedroom in the back. The rest of the back half of the house was made up of a work area.

“I wonder where this leads?” Kirk opened the door situated on the back wall near the second bedroom.

They stood in the doorway and looked out. A gardened patio ran the entire length of the house, with a stone wall, about thirty feet back, enclosing the entire area. Off to one side was a small pool. It was being continually filled by the water pouring down from two pillars. the sound made by the artificial waterfalls was soothing and added to the overall serenity of the place.

“Nice,” Kirk remarked before closing the door and returning to the storage area. “We’ll have to spend some time back there, but right now I’d like to get settled in.”

“Indeed.” Spock picked up the two bags he knew contained their clothes. “Which bedroom should we use?”

“Do you have a preference?”

“No.”

“But if you had to pick, which one would you want?” Kirk asked, with a strange intensity.

Spock shot him a puzzled look but, realizing that Kirk was serious, attempted to answer the question. “The front room has the view, but that is accessible from the living area also. The back room is more secluded and closer to the work stations, so I suppose, if I had to chose, my own preference would be for the room in the back.”

“Good, good.” Kirk hesitated. “Listen, Spock, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I was thinking, well,” he took a deep breath, “I was thinking that I’d like us to not share a room while we’re here. At least, not right now.”

Spock stared, unable to respond, even if he had had any inkling as to what he could possibly say.

Kirk looked at him in dismay. “I knew you’d react this way. But I swear it’s nothing you’ve done. It’s me. I need...space. There’s something I need to work out and I can only do that if I’m alone.” He turned and walked a few steps away, his back to Spock. “You know as well as I do that things, well, they haven’t been exactly great between us.”

Finally finding his voice, Spock moved to Kirk’s side. “I have attempted to ascertain the problem—”

“But don’t you see?” Kirk spun around. “It’s not something you can fix for me, Spock.”

“If I knew what the problem was—”

“No,” Kirk put his hand on Spock’s chest, creating a barrier rather than a connection. “I need to do this by myself. Besides, we have work to do here. We would have been spending most of the day apart, anyway. All this will do is extend that into the night.”

“‘All,’ Jim? Is that all it will do?”

Kirk gazed at him and Spock could almost swear his bondmate was memorizing his features. Finally, he shook his head. “I’m hoping that’s all it will do. But that’s up to you. You can fight me on this, make it more than it is, or you can allow me this one request.”

Spock straightened, his body as rigid as his features. “Very well. I shall take the back bedroom.”

Kirk pressed his lips together and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he brought his hand down, took his valise out of Spock’s hand and stepped back. Without another word, he walked away.

Spock stood, an empty pit opening up inside of him. He didn’t have to be told what was bothering Kirk. He knew, didn’t he? Had known for weeks, but had illogically hoped that they would be able to work their way past it. Now, it seemed that Kirk had taken matters into his own hands. If he could not separate himself mentally from Spock, he would do so physically.

But how far would he take the separation? How far would he go in his quest to leave Spock behind?

With more control than he thought still possible, Spock gathered up his other valise and walked to the end of the storage area. He looked toward the front of the house and to the closed door of Kirk’s room. Then he turned and walked in the opposite direction.

~~~~~

Spock rose before dawn. Going through his morning routine as quietly as he could, he finished dressing then stepped outside into the back garden. He’d grown used to meditating outside; he enjoyed the oneness it brought with all else that lived, be it lying under his feet or just out of sight, a gift of their house on Vulcan.

After exploring a bit, he found a place off to the right that afforded privacy while still giving him a clear view of the house. He settled on the low slab of raised stone, placed there he assumed for just such a purpose, and tried to clear his mind. He needed this this morning more than usual after the preceding night.

He’d not slept well. Slept well? He’d not slept at all. And he placed that disruption squarely on the shoulders of his bondmate. Kirk’s withdrawal had troubled him a great deal. That blatant overreaction to their present difficulties could certainly not benefit the situation. If they were to work their way out of their predicament, it would take both of them working in tandem to do so.

But how could they if Kirk insisted on ignoring the main problem between them? Of course, it was easy for Kirk to ignore what he could not perceive.

Spock shook his head, as if to shake off the disquieting thoughts and tried to force his mind back to his meditations. It was no use. After several more minutes, he finally gave up. He unfolded himself from where he sat and, taking a deep breath, reentered the house.

He walked passed his room and into the kitchen area. He heated some water for his tea and helped himself to a serving of fruit to go along with the toast he was preparing. Placing everything on a tray, he moved over and sat at the small table next to the glass wall. The sky to the east was lightening and Spock could hear the early morning song of the planet’s avian-like denizens.

This part of the planet was heavily forested; they had requested this particular station for just that reason. Their home on Vulcan was surrounded by desert; they had both wished something quite different here.

As he ate his meal, Spock contemplated the fauna of the planet. Though already extensively surveyed, much had still not been found; their records of this planet’s life-forms was still not complete.

He had already mapped out the path he would take as he hunted for new species. An animal trail opened up at the end of the meadow and he had decided to follow it as far as the river to the west where it could not but inevitably reach. Almost without exception, all living things required water. Nothing they had seen here so far challenged that axiom.

Finishing his meal, Spock cleaned up after himself then returned to his room for his communicator and phaser. At the last minute he decided on taking a coat. While he was able to ignore the chill of the morning, it was easier, and thus more logical, to wear something that would alleviate the problem.

As he walked back to the front of the house he noticed that the door to Kirk’s room was slightly ajar. He walked quietly over and peeked inside. Sometime during the night Kirk had pulled closed the curtain attached to the front wall. The predawn light was only now making its way around the drape’s edges and he could see that Kirk was still asleep, bundled up beneath the thick comforter. Spock thought about waking him but ultimately decided against it. A note would suffice just as well.

He returned to the kitchen only long enough to collect the back pack he had stocked the night before and to write something out for Kirk. He propped the note up against the coffee maker, the one sure place his bondmate could hardly fail to see it. Buttoning his jacket, Spock slipped out the front door. He heard it close with a soft click and without a backward glance, he walked out onto the wide meadow.

~~~~~

Which way? Spock hadn’t counted on this. Mere feet into the forest proper the trail split. The one on the left appeared to lead toward the river, the one on the right followed a more northerly direction but was lost in the deep thicket less than fifty feet along. He decided to follow his original plan, since those were the directions he’d left Kirk. Perhaps he could explore this second trail another day.

He set off toward the left, taking it deeper into the forest. The newly risen sun sent streams of light through the canopy above dappling the ground around him. For all the dissension he’d left behind him, he could not help but be soothed by his surroundings. The quiet of the place was broken only by its avian residents and by the scurrying of creatures through the underbrush.

He continued west, marking his trail as he went. As he suspected, the river appeared after only an hour’s walk, at which point he changed directions and began heading upstream. He knew there was aquatic life on the planet; the last survey team had extensively categorized the freshwater variety. He hoped to discover those that fed on that bounty.

Within minutes he ran into a herd of ungulates, their young offspring kept near, though every so often one would take a few awkward steps away from the herd, only to be goaded back into the group by one of the older animals. There was an obvious wariness to the animals. But what, exactly, were they wary of? He scanned the animals. From the records of previous surveys, they were apparently quite plentiful.

He followed the river for another two point seven hours but was unsuccessful in his attempt to discover anything new. He stopped at an open area and shaded his eyes while he gazed up at the sun. It was at its zenith; he would need to be starting back soon. Rather than going any further, he decided to eat his lunch where he was; after that, he would begin his return journey. It was a pleasant enough spot, the river to one side, the trees, close enough to provide shade but still far enough away to afford a clear view, on the other.

Looking around, he found himself a log sufficiently even and clean to use as a place to sit. He removed one of the energy bars from his pack and proceeded to consume his lunch.

A light breeze was blowing, slightly mussing his hair with every gust. But the sun was warm on his face and his coat afforded him all the protection he needed. The quiet lulled him and once he was finished eating the bar he placed the empty wrapper in his pocket and then just sat. This was a place made for contemplation.

He tried to imagine what life would be like here for him and Kirk. If there was a ‘him and Kirk’ to imagine. He was no longer as sure as he once had been of the inevitability of their continuing. How far afield they had come from those first heady days of their relationship. First, comrades in arms, then friends, then finally lovers, they had persevered through all that had been thrown their way. Yet it seemed as if the universe would allow them no respite.

Kaiidth. There was no logic in the making of assumptions. He closed his eyes and let the place act as a balm on his psyche, letting go of any discordant thoughts. When his controls were once more firmly back in place, he opened his eyes and stood up. Shouldering his pack, he stepped back onto the trail and began retracing his steps.

~~~~~

The forest opened up and Spock stepped out onto the meadow. As he walked through the grass toward the station house, he had to work at keeping his breath even, his heart from racing. It grieved him that trepidation had replaced equanimity when it came to his interaction with Kirk. And though he realized the situation could not continue, that there would need to be some sort of resolution to their predicament, Spock did not feel sufficiently prepared for the conversation that would necessitate.

Kirk was not content with their situation, that much he had made perfectly clear. What he had not made clear was how far he was willing to go to alleviate that discontent. Spock felt he had been more than accommodating in regards to his bondmate’s quixotic expectations; yet he had seen no such consideration from Kirk in return. Still, he wished their discussion to be free of recrimination. Somehow, he needed to ascertain how such a discourse could be formulated.

As he neared the house, he could see that the curtain in Kirk’s bedroom had been pulled open. It and the rest of the front rooms were vacant. When he stepped inside, he discovered a note propped up on the kitchen counter in almost the same place he had left his for Kirk.

Placing his pack on the dining table, he unfolded the paper and read Kirk’s note. Kirk had left approximately two hours after he had and expected to back around sunset. It appeared as if they would be spending as little time together as possible.

Very well. Spock took the note and disposed of it, then refilled his pack with supplies for the next day before going in to shower. Afterwards, he retired to the office in order to input the data he’d collected that day. He had almost completed his work when he heard the front door open.

He continued what he was doing, though he was very aware of every noise Kirk made as he unloaded his gear, turned on the tap and filled a glass with water, then kicked off his shoes before walking around to the office.

“I thought you’d be in here,” Kirk commented.

Spock looked up. He was surprised to notice how tired Kirk appeared. “I have just completed my entries for the day. If you wish to use the terminal....”

Kirk absently waved his hand. “No, that’s all right. I’ll do it later. Right now all I want to do is take a nice long, hot bath.”

Not knowing what else to say, Spock said nothing and the silence between them was deafening. They stared at each other, neither saying a word. The seconds dragged on until finally Spock could take no more.

“Could I assume you’re also hungry?”

Kirk chuckled. “That’s an understatement if I ever heard one. Starving would be more like it. Since you’re done there, would you be willing to throw something together while I bathe? I promise I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“Very well.” Spock stood. “I will begin immediately.”

“Okay.” Kirk smiled tentatively. “And, thanks, Spock.”

At one time, Spock would have answered that thanks were illogical and they would have started a bantering back and forth. Those days were gone. Instead, Kirk turned and walked tiredly towards the bathroom. After a moment, Spock retreated to the kitchen.

He had little recollection of what he prepared, walking though the task with as little thought as possible, his mind purposely disengaged. It was only as he set the bowls down on the table that it occurred to him that perhaps a bowl of vegetable soup might not be to Kirk’s liking. After a day traversing the wild, Kirk might be in the mood for something more substantial.

Spock hesitated, unsure how to proceed. Perhaps he should add...something. He quickly returned to the counter and pulled out a package of rolls. He dumped them into a basket, heated up the lot and placed them on the table just in time for Kirk’s entrance.

“Smells good.” Kirk took a seat.

His hair was still damp and he’d dressed in a t-shirt and sweat pants. It made him look years younger and Spock felt a wave of nostalgia overtake him. Would they ever again be as they had once been?

They ate in silence, though neither was actually eating all that much. Kirk had expressed hunger, but he’d barely touched his food, except to systematically tear his roll to shreds, the pieces now floating like soggy debris in his soup.

“Is it not to your liking?” Spock asked.

Kirk looked at him in surprise and then at his bowl. With a sheepish grin he picked up his spoon and began eating. After a couple of spoonfuls, he nodded in appreciation. “This is really good. Did you make it?”

“No, there are several containers of it in the cooler. I merely heated it.”

“Oh.” Kirk looked around, apparently at a loss for words. He took another spoonful of soup.

Somehow, they managed to get through dinner.

Kirk placed his spoon on the table and leaned back, rubbing his stomach. “That was really excellent. After hiking all over kingdom come today, it hit the spot.”

“I assume your venture was as unsuccessful as mine.”

“If by that you’re asking if I found anything new, the answer is no.” He shook his head. “I don’t know, maybe we’ve found everything there is to find.”

“That is not possible.”

“Why not?”

Spock pushed his plate away and leaned forward to place his elbows on the table, fingers steepled. “Because there is a vital component missing.”

“And that is?”

“Jim, we have seen no large predators. And without them the forests, the meadows, all would have been eaten to the ground. Most of the animals we have seen have been herbivores or lesser predators. Without the apex predators to keep their populations in check, this green world would be dust.”

“So why haven’t we seen any?”

“Big predators are inherently rare—as ordained by their tiny perch atop the food pyramid. Also, they tend to roam too far for conventional observation. On your own planet, a wolf can travel hundreds of miles in search of a mate. Being predators, they are by nature enigmatic and stealthy...not to mention dangerous when cornered.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Kirk seemed to weigh the information. “So, how do we go about finding them?”

“Unfortunately, I believe supervention will play a somewhat large part in our endeavor.”

“In other words, luck. That being the case,” Kirk stood and started picking up the dishes, “I think I’ll turn in early, maybe get an earlier start in the morning. No, I’ll take care of this,” he added when Spock tried to help. “You cooked, so I’ll clean.”

Spock acquiesced. Though Kirk had relaxed somewhat at dinner, his demeanor still proclaimed ‘do not disturb’ in very large letters. In any event, he needed to prepare their travel routes for the next day. He stood and left the room, feeling very much like he’d been maneuvered into abandoning the fight without having so much as fired a shot.

~~~~~

It was strange, Spock thought as he lay in bed staring at the ceiling, that a noise that should lull one to sleep was having the opposite effect with him. Outside, the beginnings of a storm was making its way toward them and the leading edge had created an almost constant wind.

It blew through the trees that surrounded them, the leaves whispering secretly to each other. The waterfalls in the garden seemed to murmur in response, while intermittently thunder clapped off in the distance, adding its voice to the refrain.

Spock turned on his side and pulled the covers up. It did nothing to drown out the noise, though it did diminish the moonlight that managed to make its way around the thick drape. The window in this room was nowhere near the size of the one in the front, but RP1485 had two moons. When, as now, they were both risen, the light they shed was considerable.

Still, he knew neither the noise nor the light would have made any difference at all if not for the fact that he slept alone.

He wondered if Kirk was having as much difficulty finding sleep; he’d looked tired earlier, but that could have just as well been caused by him overtaxing himself during the day. He’d implied as much. But what if Kirk’s statement had been a blind, a facade to keep Spock from...what? From realizing that Kirk missed him? Why would he wish to keep that hidden? From realizing that Kirk planned on leaving him? Spock rejected that thought out of hand. Once Kirk made a decision, he had never been diffident about letting you know what it was, no matter how unpleasant. His bondmate had his share of unpleasant traits, but cowardice and deception were not among them.

Then what? Spock greatly desired to know the answer;even more, he needed to reconnect with Kirk, to know that what they had still lived. Needed it enough to do something he had refused to do all these months—attempt to strengthen the mangled conduit which still joined their minds together.

It was not a choice he made lightly. The random thoughts from Kirk’s mind to his were slowly fading; Spock had noticed that there had been none in the last two days. He was adverse to reactivating its flow, but he needed something of Kirk, even if it was only the ethereal fragments of his affection.

He rolled onto his back again and slowly emptied his mind of everything but the singular focus on that troubled passage. With deceptive ease, his thoughts traveled down its barren corridor, moving ever closer to his goal.

The stark barrier that suddenly rose before him was an impenetrable wall, a potent manifestation of Kirk’s indomitable will.

Stunned, Spock realized that somehow Kirk had managed to deal with the troublesome issue in his own way. He’d locked himself in—and Spock out.

A dull blanket of detachment settled over him and he welcomed it. He closed his eyes and waited for the dawn. Sometime later, it began to rain.

~~~~~

The grass was wet and somewhat slippery as Spock made his way through the open field. When he came to the forest he took the path on the right, following the narrow cut through the trees while trying to keep from collecting too much mud on his shoes.

He had left at first light but the dense canopy above blocked much of it, making the way treacherous. He finally decided to leave the trail and instead walked among the trees, the blanket of leaves making for better traction. He continued deeper into the forest. Except for the sound his steps made as the leaves crunched beneath his feet, all was still.

Unfortunately, the same could not be said for his mind. Seemingly without his volition, his thoughts had spiraled back to Kirk. Always Kirk. Spock had to ask himself at what point had he lost such total control of his life?

As if he didn’t know. It was the moment he had become aware of the link being forged between him and his captain. Instead of discouraging its growth, he had actively nurtured it, ignoring any thought of how it was changing who they were and what they were to each other.

How very ironic that the reservations he had voiced to Kirk as the link had grown had come to fruition. Spock had had reservations regarding his friend’s easy way of discarding lovers, Janice Lester being the very relevant case in point. But he had ignored them, easily swayed by Kirk’s honeyed words. And then they had become lovers, and Spock had forgotten all in his wonder and deep contentment.

“I promise to try and live with the way things are between us...if you promise to stay with me, always.”

His eidetic memory had burned the words into his soul. How unfortunate that it had not occurred to him that Kirk had never promised to stay with him.

It was certainly occurring to him now, now that it was too late. Now that Kirk had decided to cast Spock from his life. He shook his head, unsure who he was more displeased with, himself or Kirk.

At some point, he realized that he had been walking without any sense of where he was going. He stopped and used his tricorder to get his bearings. With much relief, he found that the station was two point three miles behind him; nor had he traveled far from his original path. He could cut through the forest and rejoin the trail less than three hundred meters away.

He had covered perhaps a third of the distance when the ground began to gently slope. A little further on and the land to his left fell away, leaving him traveling through a forest floor canted at a forty-five degree angle mere feet from the precipice. The trees seemed to cling precariously to their roost above the small valley below.

The ground was covered with at least a foot deep layer of leaves and detritus. He slowly and cautiously worked his way forward, catching hold of the closest tree, then grabbing the next as he advanced. Up ahead, he saw the land begin to even out. Perhaps that is what made him grow careless.

He let go of one branch and leaned forward to grab another. As he did so, the ground beneath him shifted and he found himself sliding, falling and unable to grasp onto anything as he tumbled down and over the edge of the escarpment.

How long his descent lasted, Spock was unable to ascertain since it seemed to be over almost as soon as it had begun. He came to an abrupt stop and found himself sitting in a thick growth of tall grass. Spock gingerly got to his feet, testing as he did so that nothing had been broken. Fortunately, nothing but his dignity seemed to have been damaged.

It was then that he heard a soft chuffing sound coming from his left. He stood very still, straining to hear more. Gradually he was able to make out at least six separate noises, all very similar but clearly coming from different sources. They drew nearer and Spock noted the grass shifting back and forth, signaling their advance.

Whatever they were, they were now very close. Somewhere along his headlong plummet, he’d lost his bag; he no longer had his phaser, or anything else to use as a weapon. Perhaps it would be him leaving Kirk after all.

~~~~~

He closed the door behind him and dropped his bag on the dining table. Torn between exhaustion and elation, Spock barely glanced into Kirk’s room as he passed the door on his way to shower. He undressed, not even sure if he should bother to save his clothes. Both his shirt and pants were muddy and torn. What damage hadn’t been done on the way down, he’d managed to do on his climb back up the steep embankment. He tossed the clothes on the floor; he’d think about it later.

The water was steaming hot when he walked into the shower stall. Except for the large bruise on the right side of his face, there had been no visible injury to his body; his muscles, however, had definitely been strained. Half way up the incline, he had stopped and turned—and then spent the next two hours just observing the tableau below. If it hadn’t been that the time he would be expected back was fast approaching, he’d be there still.

Finishing his shower, he stepped out and dried himself off. He entered his room and was in the process of donning his trousers when he heard the soft whistling coming from the area behind the house. He assumed it was Kirk, but long years of habit had him stepping cautiously outside to check. He heard the sound again; looking over to the pool area, he saw Kirk.

Though Kirk was facing the other way, there was something in the cant of his shoulders, coupled with the soft whistling, that bespoke a mind in turmoil. Spock bit his lip. No matter what was to come, no matter what Kirk had decided, there was no way Spock could turn away from such obvious pain.

His bondmate wore only trousers, the legs rolled up above bare feet. Doing the same to his own pants, Spock walked up behind him and lay his hand on Kirk’s shoulder.

“What troubles you?”

Kirk didn’t turn, but continued to stare down into the water. “I’ve got a problem, and I can’t seem to find a resolution. Not one that’s particularly appealing, anyway.”

“Perhaps I could be of assistance.”

“Perhaps you can,” Kirk responded, almost to himself. “Come on, sit.” Kirk brought his feet out from under him to sit at the edge of the pool, his feet dangling in the water below.

Spock followed suit, sitting at his side. After a moment’s hesitation he also immersed his feet.

“I’ve been wondering...” he responded haltingly, and then finally turned to look at Spock. His eyes widened. “What the hell happened to you?”

“I had a slight mishap.”

Kirk brought his hand up to lightly touch Spock’s face. “I’ll say. What did you do, run into a tree?”

“You are more accurate than you would imagine. I fell...several feet down an embankment.”

“Are you all right?”

“I am unimpaired.”

Kirk turned away to once more stare into the water. “I should have been with you. I shouldn’t have let this...thing get between us.”

Spock’s heart was suddenly pounding. The time had come. “What precisely is this thing between us?”

It seemed eons before Kirk finally answered.

“Have you ever felt useless, Spock? Not just for an hour or a day but all the time?” He shook his head and chuckled. “Of course you haven’t. How could you? No matter what the situation, you’ve got a talent that fits it perfectly.”

This was not at all what Spock had expected to hear. “You feel useless? Jim, you are perhaps the least ‘useless’ person I have ever known. What has brought this about?”

“It wasn’t any one thing. At first, I thought it was hearing about the Enterprise, about Matt Decker’s son getting command of her. And I suppose that is part of it, because it started me wondering, what was I doing on a Vulcan ship?”

“Jim, the Council—”

“No,” Kirk interrupted, “I don’t mean it like that. I know how. I even sort of know why. But then I began to think about it and it didn’t make sense. Why did they go so far out of their way to give a human command of a Vulcan ship, when there were plenty of qualified Vulcans who would have jumped at the opportunity? What exactly was I bringing to Vulcan that a Vulcan couldn’t bring? And then,” he looked down for a moment and then swung around to confront Spock, “and then you started making it really obvious how disappointed you were with how things were between us.”

Spock stared at Kirk, unable to hide his surprise. “I have never been disappointed in you, or our relationship.”

“Oh, come on, Spock. Don’t you think I couldn’t tell how disappointed you were when you found out that I couldn’t reach you through the bond? That all you were hearing was,” he made a groping gesture, “background noise? Maybe you weren’t doing it on purpose but it was obvious to me. I didn’t need to read your mind to know that you’d thought you’d hit a gold mine only to find it was all fool’s gold.”

Had that been the way of it all along? Spock could not deny his disappointment; he had accepted the feeling from the very beginning. But had he been deceiving himself as well? Had what he felt been more than disappointment? Looking now at Kirk, and at the pain he so obviously felt, it was hard to totally discount out of hand.

“Perhaps there is a certain amount of truth in what you say; it would be a lie on my part to tell you that I was not...distressed when I realized the truth of what was happening.” He gazed purposely at Kirk, willing him to believe his next words. “But never, never, have I been disappointed in you or in what we have.” He chanced a smile. “To be perfectly frank, I was under the impression that you were dissatisfied with me.”

“Why would I be dissatisfied with you?”

“Because you were not hearing ‘background noise.’ You were being inundated by my thoughts.”

Kirk nodded. “I won’t lie to you, it was a real pain at first. But after awhile it either started to die down or I just got used to it.”

“So you are not dissatisfied with what is between us?”

Kirk smiled and then leaned forward to kiss him lightly on the lips. “Not on your life, Mister.”

“Then why did you insist on separate rooms?”

“Oh, that.” Kirk had the good graces to look abashed. “I was still struggling with the whole issue of the Enterprise, especially after I was contacted by Starfleet.”

“When was this?” Spock brought his hand up before Kirk could respond. “twenty-four standard days ago.”

“How did you know?” Kirk snorted. “Never mind, I think I know. Anyway, I didn’t want to make things worse for you. You know, all that background noise filtering over.”

“I see.” It made a certain sense. Yet there was still one question unanswered. “Last night, I was unable to receive anything from you. I assumed you had succeeded in finally cutting yourself completely off from me.”

“Spock! I’d never do that.” Kirk crinkled his brow. “Have you tried it again since?”

“I saw no point.”

“Well, try it right now.” He scooted a few inches away so they would not be touching.

Spock closed his eyes. Taking a breath, he cleared his mind and then tried to reach for Kirk’s. After several seconds, he reopened his eyes. “I can ‘feel’ that you are near and that you are content, but nothing else.”

“So it’s back to how it was. Last night when you tried I was probably asleep.” Kirk laid a hand on Spock’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, Spock. I really am. I know how much it would have meant to you.”

“It is of little consequence. Truly,” he added when he noted the look of disbelief from Kirk. “That we are as we were—in all ways—is the greatest gift I could have ever received.”

“I’m glad.” Kirk hand slid down Spock’s arm to grab his hand. He held it contentedly in his own for several minutes before speaking again. “Now all I have to do is decide what I want to do about the Enterprise.”

“What is there to decide?”

“I didn’t tell you. They’re willing to give her back to me, boot Will Decker right out the door if I give the word.”

Spock squeezed Kirk’s hand. “If that is your wish, I will agree to return to Starfleet.”

“But?”

“I do not understand your concern regarding your place within Vulcan society. You play an enormous and indispensable role in the future of my planet; your absence would have a profound effect.”

“What are you talking about? I’m just one human on a very large planet.”

Spock thought a moment, then stood and extended his hand. “Come with me.”

~~~~~

They had departed the station almost immediately, stopping only long enough to don shirts and shoes and now Spock led them through the forest, taking the path he had discovered during his return journey. Less than thirty minutes later, they started down the gentle slope that deposited them approximately a hundred feet from where Spock had ignobly landed.

“Over there.” He pointed to the large swathe of tall grass that grew along the side of an embankment. “I was traveling along the top of this ridge when the underbrush gave way and I found myself deposited amid the grass below.” He motioned Kirk forward. “We must be very quiet and you must not make any sudden movements.”

They crept forward until they came to Spock’s previous location. He stopped, motioning ahead as he laid a hand on Kirk’s arm. “Can you see them?”

Kirk peered into the distance. “I don’t—wait, I think I see them.” He counted softly to himself. “Six of them?”

“Yes,” Spock whispered. “The mother and several of the other adults are nearby, so we should get no closer.”

Kirk glanced over at Spock. “What are they?”

“The name of the species? That may be for us to decide. But they are the predators we have been looking for.”

“They’re such an odd color.”

“Perhaps to us, but they blend in well with their environment. From my tricorder readings, I was able to ascertain that they are similar to the canidae family on Earth. They obviously live in packs, the females appear to be smaller than the males, and they possess carnassial teeth, essential for shearing flesh.”

“They do resemble wolves, don’t they?” Kirk straightened from the crouch he had taken. “We better leave before they see us.”

They retraced their steps, remaining quiet until they were back on the trail in the forest proper.

“So why did you want me to see them?” Kirk asked. “I mean, I’m glad you did, but I don’t see what they have to do with me staying on Vulcan.”

“Every species holds a place in an environment, a place that is theirs alone. Without them there, the entire system may sicken and die, just as a place may come to eventual ruin when predators are removed. As a people, Vulcans have abandoned emotion in order to survive. Unfortunately, many good and necessary ones were lost at the same time. Their loss has also had an effect. The place where intense aspiration and passion once resided was a desert landscape...until you came to reside on Vulcan.

“I was the first of my people to enter Starfleet. Yet now there are many. Being stationed aboard a research vessel was something one did because it was there to be done. It was not expected that it be ‘exciting’; there is now a waiting list to be stationed on Warrior’s Oath. The promise of an inspiring future, that is the gift you have brought my people.” He turned to look at Kirk. “That you have brought to me.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“There is nothing to say. You asked why I believed your place was on Vulcan. I have told you.”

They walked in silence after that and it was only when they’d almost reached the open field in front of the station that Kirk finally spoke again. “You know, it’s a huge responsibility you’ve handed me.”

Spock felt the lifting of a weight he hadn’t known he’d been carrying. He did not verbally respond, but took Kirk’s hand as they walked out of the forest and into the warming sunlight.

~~~~~

They reached the house just in time for lunch. Kirk threw together a platter of sandwiches, which they ate outside next to the pool. The sun warmed both of them and they ended up spending most of the afternoon there. Back inside, Spock proceeded to his work station to input the data he had collected that day while Kirk read quietly in the living room. And though they walked through the rest of the day as if it was like any other, they both knew that much had changed, much more than just the resolution of their differences.

For dinner, Kirk pulled out the stops with a meatless lasagna and a large salad. Spock watched from his place at the table, enjoying the procedures almost as much as Kirk seemed to be. Spock had set the table but then had been told to take a seat and stay out of the way.

Kirk served them both then, not surprisingly, brought out the bottle of champagne McCoy had given them, filling their glasses before taking his seat. He picked up his glass. “What shall we drink to?”

“Need you ask?” Spock lifted his glass as well, bringing it up to lightly ting against Kirk’s.

With a smile, Kirk drank to the unspoken toast.

They ate with a calm expectancy, neither rushing nor holding back. They spoke of things both mundane and extraordinary, of their times on the Enterprise and on Warrior’s Oath, of the past and the present. And of the future.

Afterwards, with the table cleared and the kitchen cleaned up, they made ready for bed. While Kirk showered, Spock moved his things from the back bedroom into Kirk’s. As soon as Kirk was done, Spock took his place in the shower. When he reentered the bedroom, Kirk was already under the covers. He’d left the drapes open and the room was lit with the glow cast by the planet’s two moons.

Spock removed his robe and draped it over the rocker tucked into the corner. Kirk pulled up the covers in invitation, his naked flesh, illuminated by the moonlight, an invitation all its own.

With deliberate slowness, Spock slid onto the bed and under the covers, taking the cool body into his arms as he did so. He pulled Kirk tightly against him so that the human’s burgeoning cock slid enticingly against his own. Kirk hissed and threw his head back as Spock tightened their embrace, the sensation multiplied from the added friction.

The bared neck was systematically sucked and licked, causing Kirk to moan and undulate his hips against Spock’s. Spock worked one hand down between their bodies and lightly squeezed Kirk’s testicles, eliciting an even louder response.

Bringing his hand back up, he held on to Kirk as he rolled them over, so that he covered his bondmate’s body with his own. Nestled between the wide spread legs, he shoved his hands under Kirk’s hip and grabbed his ass, squeezing the pliable flesh while his finger tips played with the opening to Kirk’s body.

After so long apart, it was what he needed. Somehow, Kirk had known that, too, for the next thing he knew Kirk was handing him the tube of lubricant. He’d apparently stashed it nearby, another sign that their thoughts and feelings were once more in tune.

His coated fingers slid easily into Kirk’s body, Kirk eagerly meeting each thrust as Spock prepared him, stretching the opening to take him in. They were both shaking by the time Spock tossed the tube on the floor and positioned himself. Slowly, he slid all the way in, Kirk’s body welcoming him.

They took up a slow tempo, wishing to prolong this new beginning. But all too soon their bodies overrode their minds and they were joined in a frenzy of motion, each reaching for that indefinable something that bound them together. The sounds of their lovemaking were the background noises to their reapproachment, the earthy beat to their incorporeal song. And as they gained passage to that place that was theirs alone, their minds entwined, their bodies’ pleasure peaking, they reforged the bond that had defined who and what they were since its dawn that other lifetime ago.

Thoroughly sated, somehow they managed to clean themselves up, though only perfunctorily, and settle comfortably back under the covers. Spock pulled Kirk back into his arms so that he came to rest at his side.

He remained awake long after Kirk’s breathing had evened out into sleep. He wanted to relish the feel of Kirk lying next to him once again, the human’s arm thrown possessively over his chest. He had missed this, much more than he would ever have imagined.

There had been misunderstandings between them before, and there would most likely be more in the future but they had both learned an important lesson. Never again would they leave their relationship up to chance, never again would either believe they knew what the other was thinking. The lines of communication had faltered and they had been left stumbling in the dark.

But they had found their way out and had found their place in the process. Whether on this planet or on Vulcan, they would stay and nurture the world they had made out of the cold and wintry ashes of their previous life in Starfleet. This was their world, full of the bright promise that illuminated their future, just as the returning warmth of the season gave hope to all that dwelled in this place.

Glorious summer had come.