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gilda_eliseTitle: And Its Business Is Joy
Fandom: The Professionals - Star Trek (TOS)
Pairing: Bodie/Doyle, Kirk/Spock
Notes: Originally published as a stand-alone novella by Requiem Publications. A shorter and more K/S-centric version of this story was published in the K/S zine, T’hy’la 26, under the same name. Thanks to Kathy Resch for allowing its resubmission.
Bodie and Doyle are committed to each other, but struggling with the need to keep their intimate relationship a secret. Stopping to break up what looks like a burglary, they find that they've stumbled into something far bigger, something involving men from the future, who are struggling with an intimate relationship of their own. Each couple sees something of themselves in the other, and gain insights that help them make the most important decision of their lives: to stay or to go.
“You about done?” Doyle took the tray with both hands.
Bodie threw the napkin down and nodded. “Stuff’s a bit better than hospital food but not by much.”
Doyle took the tray and placed it on the counter across from the bed. “You’ll like what they’ve got in the rest of the ship. It’s just like being home.”
With a chuckle Bodie swung his legs over and sat up. Bodie had wanted out of the hospital gown first thing, so Doyle had helped him dress. “Not like anything from my home I hope.”
“Nah, more like a restaurant. You can even have them bring your meals to our room.”
Bodie rubbed his hands together. “Well, what are we waiting for, then?”
“For Dr McCoy to say it’s all right for you to leave.”
“Where is he?”
“Said something about another patient.” Doyle sat down next to Bodie. “Do you know, there’s over four hundred people on this ship...well, maybe not people.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Remember the two blokes breaking into that office?”
“Before I was shot.”
“That’s right. One’s the captain of this ship. The other one...” Doyle stopped, not sure how to put it.
“The other one, what?”
“Well, he’s not quite human.”
“Ray, if we’re on a spaceship, none of them are.”
“I know that. But they look like us, right? Spock, the one with the cap, well, there’s a reason he was wearing it.”
“What—”
“Ah, I see you’re ready to leave us,” McCoy announced as he walked in.
“Back home?” Bodie asked.
“Nah, mate, just to our cabin.” Doyle stood up and addressed McCoy. “That’s right, isn’t it?”
“I’m afraid so. But I’m sure it’s only temporary.”
Bodie appeared ready to object, so Doyle gave him a look he knew Bodie would understand. Any explanation could wait until they were alone. It must have got across because, instead of arguing, Bodie stood with a studied nonchalance.
“Ready whenever you are, Ray.”
Doyle grabbed Bodie by the arm and tugged him toward the door. “Come on, you. See you later, Dr McCoy,” he called back as he pulled his partner out of the room.
Once in the corridors he stopped and let go. He looked one way then the other and frowned.
“You’ve got us lost?” Bodie asked.
“Just getting me bearing. This way.” Doyle walked briskly to the right.
“So what was that about not going home yet?”
“That’s one of the things we need to find out. Nobody’s coming right out and saying it but they keep hinting around that they might not be able to send us back.”
“Why? Something wrong with that machine of theirs?”
“I don’t think so. I think it’s got something to do with us.”
“You think they want to keep us, Ray?”
Doyle scowled. “They can want all they want, we’re not staying.”
“I don’t know, seems like a nice place,” Bodie remarked in an offhand manner.
“Don’t start, Bodie. We’re going home and that’s final.”
“It’s not like we can swim home, Angelfish.” Bodie grabbed Doyle’s arm to slow him down. “You sure you know where we’re going?”
“Mr Spock showed me. We’re not to leave this floor, though.”
Bodie took in their surroundings. “Wouldn’t know how, now would we?”
Doyle chuckled. “Picked up a bit while you were asleep. We’ll figure it out. All right, here we are.”
Bodie was surprised when the doors of the room opened to them and Ray walked right in. “What if this had been the wrong room?” he asked while making a survey of their cabin.
“Wouldn’t have opened.” Doyle kicked off his shoes and made himself comfortable on one of the beds. He opened up his arms. “Come on, let’s have a cuddle.”
With a grin, Bodie came over to sit on the edge of the bed. He pulled off his shoes and then leaned over, resting his arm on the other side of Doyle’s body. “You lusting after me body, Ray?”
Doyle tugged at him until Bodie was lying with his head on his chest. “Just want you close, that’s all. Almost lost you. If it hadn’t been for them bringing us to the ship....”
“I wouldn’t have been shot to begin with if they hadn’t taken our guns.”
“Yeah, there is that. But I suppose I can’t blame them; they were trying to get away without us finding out who they were.”
“McCoy tell you that?”
“No, Mr Spock.”
“That’s right. You were telling me about him. Not quite human, is he?”
Doyle pondered that a moment. It hadn’t turned out to be as true as he had first thought. “He doesn’t look quite like us. He’s got pointed ears to begin with.”
“Got a bit of the elf in him?”
“No, you daft sod, all his people have ears like that.”
“How do you know?”
“I asked him. He says they think it’s because their planet’s air is thinner, needs them like that to hear better.”
Bodie pondered the idea. “Really different, are they?”
“No, not so different. Except they don’t believe in showing emotion.” Doyle shook his head. “Imagine pretending you don’t feel anything.”
Bodie laughed. “He’s not doing a very good job of it since he’s the captain’s lover.”
“How do you know that?”
“I overheard the captain and Dr McCoy talking about it. Apparently, Mr Spock wants to go back to where he came from, some place called Vulcan.”
“Things not working out between them?”
“Captain Kirk didn’t seem to know. Spock just told him he wanted to leave.”
Doyle thought about the stern but caring man who had taken the time to show him how things worked and how to get around the ship. He’d reminded him a bit of Bodie with his facade of indifference, though Spock had obviously had more practice at it. But to someone who had spent so many years learning his partner’s body language and what every little facial expression meant, the alien had been fairly easy to read. “I wonder why he’d do that, just up and leave without an explanation.”
“McCoy thought it had something to do with Kirk, something about their relationship not being what Spock wanted.”
“I can’t imagine it, just walking away from someone you love like that. Just think of all you’d miss.”
Bodie started working on the buttons of Doyle’s shirt, slowly undoing them one at a time. “Know what I’d miss.”
Doyle slapped his hand away. “Cut it out, you randy toad. You’re supposed to be resting.”
“Resting?” Bodie brought his head up, “Bloody hell, Ray, I’ve been in bed for the last day and a half. If I’m going to have to get in another one, I’d like to have a bit of fun while I’m at it.”
Doyle looked at him for a moment. Coming to a decision, he rolled away and stood up. He quickly divested himself of his clothing. “Well, come on, don’t just lie there, get undressed.”
Bodie didn’t argue. Instead, he got off the bed and started working at getting his shirt over his head.
While his partner finished getting his clothes off, Doyle tugged the blankets down. “But you’re going to just lie there and enjoy it. I’m not going to be the one to explain to the doctor why you’ve had a relapse.”
Undressed, Bodie happily lay down in the middle of the bed. “I’m all yours, sunshine.”
Doyle got on the bed and straddled his lover’s body. The wide expanse of Bodie’s chest was flawless, even now, and Doyle found himself slowly caressing the smooth, pale skin. “Look at you, there’s not even a scar.”
Bodie looked down at himself and smiled. “McCoy said there wouldn’t be. It would have been hard to explain, in any event.”
Doyle felt the prickle of tears. He’d almost lost this man. Scar or no scar, underneath the skin Bodie’s body was still healing. Doyle gazed down at his lover, blinking away the moisture. “You’re so bloody beautiful. Don’t know how I kept me hands off of you for so long.”
“Don’t start keeping them to yourself now, love.” Bodie reached up and pulled Doyle down until their lips almost met. “You touch all you want.”
Doyle closed the gap between them, taking his lover’s mouth in a kiss. Enfolded in Bodie’s arms, he let the kiss deepen until the heat between them became unbearable and he began to move. A slight pistoning of his hips at first, he could feel Bodie’s growing response. His lover groaned beneath him and brought his hands up to tangle in Doyle’s hair.
He tried to take it easy, allowing their bodies to rock gently together, letting the sensations slowly build between them; he would never forgive himself if Bodie were to come to any harm. But they were both so hard, their organs trapped between them, full and heavy. The feel of Bodie’s cock, slick and hot against his own, was making it difficult to keep from thrusting against the body beneath him with the ferocity his desire was demanding.
Shaking off Bodie’s hands, he threw his head back and took in gasping lungfuls of air. He was so close. The taste of this man, the smell and feel of him, surrounded Doyle, chasing away the last shadows of Bodie’s near death. As he felt his orgasm wash over him, he lowered his head to bite into the hard muscle of Bodie’s shoulder and keened out his release.
Beneath him, Bodie moaned his name and he felt a warm gush of liquid that pooled together with his own.
They lay together for several minutes as their breathing returned to normal and their body’s cooled. After awhile Doyle got up and got a flannel from the bathroom, barely remembering how to get the water running. He wiped himself clean then did the same for his partner. When he was done, he threw the soiled cloth in the recycler; it seemed these people had no problem with same-sex relationships but he wasn’t taking any chances.
He returned to the bed and pulled the blankets up to cover them both. He nestled against his lover’s side, his head on Bodie’s chest. “Is this all right? I’m not too heavy for you?”
“It’s fine. I’m not made of glass.” He ruffled Doyle’s hair. “Love you, Ray.”
“Love you, too, Bodie. Go to sleep, now.”
Bodie chuckled. “Bit early in the day, isn’t? Besides, I’m not sleepy.”
“What do you want to do then?”
“I don’t know.” He lifted his head and surveyed the room. “There must be something we can do.”
“Not hardly. There’s the computer but most of what’s in it is off-limits. There’s probably all sorts of space diseases and alien monsters they don’t want us to know about.”
Bodie chuckled. “I remember playing spaceman as a kid. Flying all over the universe, battling space monsters. I can’t believe it’d be this boring on a space ship.” He looked back at Doyle. “Is that why you don’t want to stay? Because of the danger?”
“You know me better than that.”
“Then what?”
Doyle rolled over so that he was facing the ceiling. “I’m not sure I can explain it. Yes, it would be wonderful to see all the new and exciting places, and to be able to do it together, without anyone minding what we are to each other.”
“That’s the part I really like.”
Doyle turned his head and gazed at his partner. “Is it?”
“Of course it is. I’ve had enough adventure in my life, but I’ve never had we I have now.”
“Me, either. I like feeling wanted.”
“You are.”
Doyle smiled but then his thoughts returned to their predicament and he sobered. “But I like feeling needed, too.”
“I need you,” Bodie said, his voice little more than a whisper.
“Maybe I’m using the wrong word. Maybe ‘useful’ says it better.”
“You don’t think we’d be useful here?”
He snorted. “They’d probably have to train us just to be dustmen.”
“Complicated, huh?”
“You could say.” Doyle rolled back into Bodie’s embrace, depression threatening to settle. “We’d be so out of place, Bodie. We’d probably be more of a burden than anything else.”
Bodie tightened his hold. “I guess we’re not staying, then.”
“You didn’t want to, did you?”
“No, not really. As far as I’m concerned, wherever you want to go, that’s where we go. Would have been easier here, though.”
“You mean about us.”
“Yeah, could have managed not having to hide what we are. Wouldn’t have to pretend all the time.”
“I did think about that.” Doyle ran a hand through his hair. “But we’re doing okay, aren’t we?”
Bodie let out a snort of disbelief. “Pull the other one, mate. It was you who was giving me a right bollocking about my social life, wasn’t it?”
Doyle had the grace to look abashed. “Doesn’t bother me anymore.”
“No?” Bodie turned his head and looked directly at Doyle. “Something change?”
“What do you think? Of course something’s changed. I almost lost you. That sort of thing tends to put everything else in perspective.”
“Told you, Ray, just you and me now.”
Doyle could hear the exhaustion in his partner’s voice. “What do you say to a short kip? Got lots to do later.”
“Like what?”
“Like find out where these people are from, what they’re doing here.”
“And go home?”
“Yeah, and go home.”
Bodie spoke around a yawn. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”
In hardly any time, Doyle heard Bodie’s breathing even out into sleep. A couple of minutes later, he followed him.
^^^^^^^^^^
The next thing Bodie knew it was ‘morning.’ At least, that’s what the strange little clock in their room said. He rubbed his eyes and then looked around the room. “Ray?”
The door to their bathroom swished open. “‘Bout time, Sleeping Beauty,” Doyle remarked as he approached the bed. “I thought you were never going to wake up.”
Bodie sat up and stretched. “You could have woke me up.”
“No point. Besides, you needed the extra sleep.”
“You didn’t sleep all this time, did you?”
“Had better things to do, didn’t I?” He nodded toward the computer terminal. “I spent the evening trying to get information out of that thing.”
“Any luck?” Bodie asked as he swung his legs over the edge the bed.
“None. That things locked up tighter than Cowley’s liquor cabinet.”
“So what do we do now?”
“I was thinking,” Doyle responded as he started picking up Bodie’s clothes from where they’d been thrown the night before. “They’re going to want to keep on eye on us; there’s no way they trust us enough to leave us alone for any amount of time. So, I figured I would call Dr McCoy, say I wanted to have breakfast with him because you’re still asleep.”
“Breakfast? I’m hungry, too, you know.”
“Don’t worry. Afterwards, we’ll go to one of those rooms where the food comes out of the wall and have a proper nosh-up.”
“You promise?”
“Yes, I promise, you big baby.”
Bodie made a face as he grabbed his clothes from Doyle and headed for the facilities. By the time he’d finished, Doyle had made arrangements to meet the doctor.
“You going to be all right?” Doyle asked as he stood hesitantly in the doorway. The doors had sprung open at his approach and refused to close.
“I’ll be fine. You just make sure they believe your story.”
“Why wouldn’t they? I can lie with the best of them.” Doyle grinned. “Don’t worry, mate, nothing’s about to go wrong.”
~~~~~
So nothing could go wrong, huh? Bodie swore. There was no way around it; he was lost. He could have sworn he’d followed a pattern, up one level, keeping to the right until he came to another ladder. But when he’d tried to reverse his steps, he’d wound up here, wherever here was.
He had been lucky at first. Not too far from their cabin he’d run into a ladder of sorts. The choice of going up or down was taken from him when he heard voices below him. He’d quickly made his way up to the next deck.
It hadn’t been much different from the one below it. That was, in fact, his problem. One careless moment and he’d got turned around. With nothing to distinguish one floor from the next, there was no way to tell if he was on the right one or not. So far, every door that had opened to him had only led him to rooms empty but for table and chairs.
Another funny thing were on the door signs. He and Doyle had thought the ones near their cabin were in English for their convenience but, from what Bodie could see, they were all in English, on every deck. What was that all about?
Well, best to keep going. He was about to start toward another rung of steps when he heard voices coming toward him. Without thinking about it, he slipped through the first doors that opened to him.
His first impression was of darkness, as if he’d stepped from day to night. But within moments his eyes adjusted and Bodie walked forward almost in a daze. All those stars! He tentatively approached the window and put out his hand to touch the glasslike barrier. He was surprised at the warmth he felt there.
“It is quite beautiful, is it not?”
Bodie whirled and peered into the dark. He hadn’t notice the figure sitting on one of the low benches set back away from the window. “Who’s there?”
The person rose and came forward. It was the one Ray had told him about, the Vulcan. Wasn’t lying about the ears.
“Bloody hell, mate, you gave me a start.”
Spock nodded his head, as if acknowledging blame, but it was the stars he watched. “I often use this place for meditation. My focus was inward; I did not realize you were unaware of my presence.”
“You should wear a bell.” When no response was forthcoming, Bodie followed Spock’s gaze out into the stars. “I’ve never seen anything like this. Even in Africa you couldn’t see this many stars. ‘The infinite meadows of heaven.’”
“Then this is not your first time far from home.”
Bodie looked at the alien in surprise. He hadn’t expected humor from the man. “Not this far and home’s looking better all the time.”
“One tires of the unfamiliar.”
“I never thought of it that way, but you may be right. But it’s not like I was ever forced before; I was always where I wanted to be.”
“Yet, you returned to the place of your birth. Why?”
“It was time,” Bodie said with a shrug. “I’d seen what I’d gone to see, done what I’d gone to do.”
Spock finally turned his way. “Or perhaps you came to realize that what you were looking for was there all along.”
“I’m not sure what you mean. As far as I know, I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, except maybe excitement. I was fourteen, didn’t know me arse from me elbow but never seeing England again was never part of the deal.” Bodie returned the stare. “Still isn’t.”
“Perhaps.” Spock returned to his study of the stars. “Would it be so terrible, then, never to see home again?”
“I don’t know. I guess as long as I was with Ray it wouldn’t be too bad. I think it would bother him more, though. Ray, he’s the sort who gets attached to things. He’d miss the people and places more than I would.”
Spock was silent for long time. Bodie was about to leave when the Vulcan spoke again. “What if you were forced to return alone?”
“That’s not going to happen, mate.” He said the words almost casually but he would kill whoever tried to separate him from Ray.
“It was not meant as a threat.”
“Wasn’t it?”
“No, it was not. Forgive my curiosity but I fail to see why you would refuse to stay, knowing that on your planet your relationship with Mr. Doyle is untenable.”
“Our ‘relationship’?”
“I was able to eventually ascertain your status as Mr. Doyle’s companion.”
Bodie studied the Vulcan. “That must have been some talk you and Ray had.”
“We spoke of many things. I found him quite astute and his conversation quite fascinating.” The Vulcan’s demeanor changed slightly, losing some of its cool detachment. “Yet when he first spoke of you, it was with the implication that he barely tolerated you, not at all the impression his actions on the planet implied. When I asked him why his words and actions were in such opposition to each other, he appeared confused, as if what I was saying held no meaning for him.”
“Ray’s a sarky bastard; no getting around that. But that’s just his way. He doesn’t mean half of what he says. I know what he feels for me and no man could ask for a better partner. He protects my back and I protect his.”
“So he implied.”
“You sound like you didn’t believe him.”
“I regret giving you that impression; that was not my intent. I merely found him quite volatile, so that I did not always know if what he related was hyperbole or actual fact.” He tilted his head and his brow drew together in thought. “Perhaps it is your place to temper his more capricious nature. Yet, there is no logic to your relationship. You are two men, on a planet where such a partnership is actively condemned, in a profession where one or the other could easily be taken by death.”
“It’s worth it. He’s worth it. I’ve been alone; spent years telling myself it was what I wanted. ‘Don’t get involved,’ that was my motto. Stay cool. Then I was partnered with Ray. Hot tempered, caring way too much about everything, I thought we’d kill each other for sure. But before I knew it, he’d become everything to me. He’s like a storm that blew into my life and turned it on its head. Haven’t had a peaceful day since. Give that up, just so I can have a nice, safe life? Ta, very much, mate, I’ll pass on that.”
“There is much to be said for following the dictates of society. Surely, there are times when what you wish in your life goes against that which you need in your life.”
Bodie snorted. “You sound like Ray. Always tearing things apart, having to know every last bit, can’t just be satisfied with what you’ve got. You must send that captain of yours round the bloody twist.”
Spock stiffened. “Captain Kirk appreciates the fact that I am constantly seeking knowledge.”
“I doubt that,” Bodie shot back. “There’s such a thing as being too curious. Don’t be too anxious to look for answers to everything, you might not like what you find—or the price you might have to pay.”
Bodie wasn’t sure what the look Spock gave him meant but it appeared their conversation was at an end when the Vulcan turned and walked over to a red-edged control panel on the wall and pushed a button.
“Spock to Captain Kirk.” Spock spoke into what had to be some kind of transmitter.
“Kirk here. What is it, Mr. Spock?”
Spock turned and deliberately stared at Bodie. “It seems one of our guests has decided to acquaint himself with the ship.”
“Doyle’s with Dr. McCoy, so you must be talking about Bodie.”
“That is correct, Captain. What are your orders?”
Bodie almost felt sorry for Kirk. Spock could have been talking to a stranger.
“Take him back to his cabin. I’ll pick up Doyle and meet you there. Kirk out.”
Spock nodded toward the door. “After you, sir.”
Ah, well, he’d tried at least. He smiled at the Vulcan and sauntered toward the door.
^^^^^^^^^^
Doyle glanced up from his plate when the doors to sickbay opened. He and McCoy had been having an enjoyable conversation over breakfast, as Doyle had simultaneously tried to get information from McCoy while keeping the doctor in the dark as to Bodie’s whereabouts. But from the lack of expression on Kirk’s face, Doyle had a sneaking suspicion his partner had been found out.
Kirk advanced his way and, fists planted on his hips, glared down on him. “Mr. Doyle, where is your friend?”
Doyle stole a look at McCoy. The doctor was looking back at him and shaking his head.
“You gonna tell me that fool partner of yours is gallivantin’ through the ship? He’s supposed to be resting.”
“I tried talking him out of it. But there’s no holding Bodie back when he’s of a mind to do something,” Doyle responded. It was partially true.
“Where is he, Jim?”
Kirk turned to the doctor. “He ran into Spock on the observation deck, who is at this moment escorting him back to their cabin.” He motioned toward Doyle. “The same place Mr. Doyle will be going now.”
Doyle shrugged and stood up. He hadn’t liked lying to McCoy; he thought of the doctor as almost a friend. But he and Bodie had believed it their only chance at finding out what was going on around here; it wasn’t one either man had felt they could pass up. He really hadn’t wanted Bodie prowling around on his own, either. “He’s all right, isn’t he?”
“He’s fine and he’s going to stay that way until we beam you back down tomorrow morning because both of you are going to be confined to quarters,” Kirk snapped.
“So, you’ll be sending us home?”
“Yes, Mr. Doyle, we’ll be sending you home.”
Doyle smiled in relief. That’s all they’d wanted all along.
McCoy pushed back his chair and got up. “Mind if I come along? I’d like to check my patient out.”
Kirk nodded and then motioned Doyle forward. “Come along, Mr. Doyle.”
When the three men got to the cabin, Bodie was sitting on the bed, propped up by the pillows from both beds. Spock sat at the computer, his attention focused on the screen.
“Hello, sunshine.” Bodie smiled at Ray, who walked over and sat next to him on the bed.
“You okay?”
“Never been better.”
McCoy approached the bed from the other side. “Let me be the judge of that.”
Bodie watched in fascination as the small instrument in McCoy’s hand whirled and hummed over his body. “What’s it saying?”
McCoy finished and snapped the device off. “It says you’re in perfect health and that you’re going to rest for the next eighteen hours if you want to stay that way.”
“We being locked up for the night, Ray?” Bodie asked.
“‘Fraid so, sunshine. It’s for the best. Need your strength for all those fish you’ll be catching, now won’t you?”
Bodie turned back to McCoy who nodded but when he spoke his question was for Kirk. “Did you decide we weren’t dangerous?”
Kirk’s voice wasn’t exactly warm but it had lost the edge of anger it had had. “Never that, Mr. Bodie. But I did decide you weren’t a threat—not to us, anyway. Nevertheless, there will be two guards at your door to make sure.”
Spock stood and approached Kirk. “I have taken the liberty of disabling the computer except for those operations considered vital. They will not be able to extract any information. They were not successful the first time but I would not wish to allow them another try.”
Doyle looked back at Bodie, who only shrugged. But Doyle could read volumes in that one gesture. They were going home, together. What else could possibly matter?
^^^^^^^^^^
Kirk sat at his desk, his elbows propped on its surface, his forehead resting against the palms of his hands. It was late and he was tired, yet he was unable to sleep. Tomorrow morning, according to Spock’s calculations, they would be back in their own time. They would be home, and then Spock would walk out of his life.
He didn’t understand it, none of it. What did Spock think could possibly be accomplished by leaving? He was who he was, neither wholly Vulcan or Terran, but a unique blending of the two. Loving Kirk hadn’t changed that. Leaving him wouldn’t, either.
Kirk swore when the tone signaling someone at his door sounded. It was two hundred hours, for god’s sake. He sat up, straightened his shoulders and folded his hands on the desk. “Come.”
It was Spock.
“May I enter?” the Vulcan asked but there was a hint of hesitation in his voice.
“Why not?” When Spock didn’t move, Kirk sighed and added, “Sure, Mr. Spock. What can I do for you?”
Spock approached the desk. “It is quite late. Perhaps another time...”
“I couldn’t sleep, anyway. Sit down and tell me, to what do I owe the privilege of your company?” It surprised him how little sarcasm had been in his tone; maybe he was even more tired than he thought.
Spock took the chair on the other side of the desk. “I wished to thank you.”
Kirk’s eyes widened with surprise. “For what?”
“For deciding to allow Mr. Doyle and Bodie to return home.”
“They didn’t find out anything and now they won’t have a chance to.”
“But you did not know that when you made your decision.”
Kirk noticed it wasn’t a question. It seemed that, though Spock was still a mystery to him, the reverse wasn’t true. “No, I didn’t. But I did finally know what kind of men they were.” He leaned forward, unconsciously moving closer. “I read their histories, or their futures, to be precise.”
“What did you find?”
“That they’ll have a pretty rough time of it; Earth during this period wasn’t exactly tolerant of same-sex relationships. And they’ll have some close calls. Doyle will almost die and both men will be faced with a situation that will seriously put in doubt their belief in the organization and the man they work for. There will be a serious injury that will necessitate bringing their relationship to light and force their retirement from public service. They’ll be ridiculed by some, actively hated by others, yet, through it all, they’ll stay together.”
“You sound as if you envy them.”
“Wouldn’t you?” He studied Spock, trying to see beneath the calm exterior. “No, I suppose you wouldn’t. But, yes, I envy them. And in spite of that envy, or maybe because of it, I couldn’t force them to stay. They want to go home.”
“Yet you would not spend time with them; may I ask why not?”
“Because it would have been too painful to watch.”
Spock appeared to ponder that for a moment before replying. “I am not sure I understand.”
Kirk’s tone was wistful. “Oh, Spock, even you’re not that dense.”
The Vulcan’s lips tightened and he looked away. “I truly hoped to make you understand why I must leave.”
“I’m sorry, Spock, I never will. Those two men willingly go through all that and never falter in their devotion to one another. Yet, you,” Kirk’s shook his head, not sure if he felt like laughing or crying, “are willing to throw away what we have because of something no one but you appears to have a problem with.”
“Jim—”
“No, let me finish. I love you and I’m just tenacious enough to think that you still love me. I don’t know what this thing is that’s more important to you than that love. Whatever it is, if you ever find it, I hope it’s worth the price. But remember this, absence doesn’t really make the heart grow fonder. It just makes you forgot. Love can’t exist in a vacuum, Spock.”
The Vulcan seemed to start at his words. “You are telling me if I leave you will find another.”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. There’s a quote I remember from a late twentieth century writer. He wrote, ‘the heart has its own mind, and its business is joy.’ I want to be happy. I’d prefer being happy with you. If that’s not possible, then....” He spread his hands.
Spock gave a short nod and stood. “I understand, Captain.”
“I hope so, Mr. Spock.”
When the Vulcan walked out of the room, Kirk slumped against the desk. He’d played his last card, hoping that Spock would come to understand what it was he could lose. If Spock wanted to throw himself into the depth of hell, that was his business, but there was no way Kirk would willingly follow him there. Never mind that at this moment he couldn’t imagine ever being happy again. He would go on and, someday, he would know joy again.
^^^^^^^^^^
They came for them early the next morning. Doyle was still in the shower when he heard voices coming from the outer room. He hurriedly dressed and exited the bathroom while still tucking in his shirt.
They were finally allowed to see more of the ship. Though still kept away from the rest of the crew, Doyle at least knew for sure that there was more to the crew than the handful of people they’d seen so far.
As they walked the corridors of the ship, flanked by Mr Spock and Dr McCoy, Captain Kirk leading the way, it made him momentarily rethink his desire to return home. He tried to imagine what it would be like to travel the stars. But then he stole a glance at Bodie and knew the two of them needed to return home. Their lives were there, doing what they did best. Together.
Taken to breakfast, Bodie didn’t appear to have a problem with the food, seeming to take it at face value. Doyle imagined, after the places his partner had been, as long as it tasted good he would eat it.
But Doyle wasn’t fooled for a minute. Just as he spent a lot of the time watching the three men with them at the table, so Bodie never stopped taking in their surroundings. They were partners, and you covered your partner’s back.
How different would life here have been for them? Looking at Captain Kirk and Mr Spock, he wondered. He and Bodie may have to deal with loving each other on a world where two men together was not well tolerated, but at least that love was never in question. They’d had to fight too hard to make it a reality to throw it away the way these two men seemed to be doing.
He glanced at Bodie who smiled at him. Not for anything, mate. You’re mine and nothing’s ever going to change that. I won’t let it. I almost lost you once; anyone tries to take you away, will have to go through me.
Finally, it was time to leave. They were walked to another room, on yet another deck, and led to a large platform with discs spaced equidistance apart on its surface.
“Each of you stand on one of them.” McCoy directed. “It won’t hurt a bit.”
Doyle eyed the doctor, not certain if he was joking or not. “You sure?”
“Didn’t the first time, did it?”
“Come on, Doyle. It’s time to go.” Bodie had already stepped onto one of the discs.
“All right, all right. Just making sure.” Doyle looked over at Spock, who stood behind a console of what Doyle assumed were the controls. “Where you putting us?”
“You’ll be transported to the same place from which you were taken. I have scanned the area; there are no others nearby. It is only oh five hundred hours in your time zone.”
Doyle nodded and hesitantly stepped up on the platform next to Bodie. He barely remembered the first time they’d used this on them but he wasn’t looking forward to going through it again.
“That’s all right, son. I hate travelin’ that way, too. But look on the bright side; this will be your last ride in it,” McCoy quietly said before stepping back to stand next to Captain Kirk who waited just inside the doorway.
“Oh, I almost forgot to give you these.” Kirk approached both men and handed them their guns. “You won’t need them but I thought you’d like them back.”
Bodie grabbed both weapons and handed Doyle’s to him. “Here, try to keep hold of it from now on.”
Doyle was about to respond when Kirk’s laughter stopped him. He looked at the man in surprise.
“I think this is where we came in. Have a good trip, gentlemen.” Kirk stepped away. “Mr. Spock, energize.”
^^^^^^^^^^
They materialized in the same spot he remembered holding Bodie in his arms; blood still stained the pavement.
“Bloody hell.”
Doyle looked over at his partner. Bodie was gingerly going over his body, as if making sure he was in one piece.
“You all right?” Doyle wasn’t sure he was but he wasn’t the one who’d been shot.
“I think so.” Bodie shivered in the morning chill. “Let’s get out of here, Ray.”
They looked at each other and, in silent agreement, started back to the car.
Bodie glanced back. “I’d sure liked to know who shot me.”
“Already been taken care of, sunshine.” Doyle beamed.
“How’d you manage that?”
“I had a talk with Mr Spock. He and Captain Kirk took it personal, you being shot because they had our guns.”
“And you weren’t above twisting’ the knife a bit, I take it?”
Doyle shook his head. “It wasn’t like that, Bodie. They’d already seen to it, anyway. Seems we interrupted a robbery.”
“That’s right, it’s what we were looking into to begin with. I wonder if it’s the same person Steve was going to tell us about.”
“I don’t know but the dumb crud left the loot behind.”
“How’d that help them find him?”
“Mr Spock wouldn’t say, exactly. Something to do with their equipment being able to find the bloke from his having touched the stuff. He didn’t go into details.” Doyle had been amazed by the little the Vulcan had shown him.
“And?”
“And, what?”
“What’d they do with him?” Bodie looked ready to thump him.
“They didn’t do anything with him. But they did put in a call to the authorities, so the Met sent someone out to his flat and apprehended him. Turns out the place was full of stuff he’d nicked.”
They reached the street and, surprisingly, found their vehicle was still there. Bodie unlocked the door and slid into the driver’s seat while Doyle settled in on the passenger’s side.
Bodie sat there for a moment, mulling over what he’d been told. “What about me?”
“What about you?”
“In case you forgot, Doyle, he shot me! Is he going to get away with that?”
Doyle looked pointedly at Bodie’s chest. “And how you planning on proving that?”
“Well, I....bloody hell.”
“Exactly, mate.” Doyle rested his hand on Bodie’s arm. “The best we can hope for is the coppers have so much on him he’ll be behind bars for years.”
“Doesn’t seem quite right.”
“No, it doesn’t but it’s all we’re going to get.” Doyle squeezed Bodie’s arm. “But you’re alive. Didn’t think I’d have that for awhile. It’s enough for me.”
Bodie stared into Doyle’s eyes, as if he could find the answer to his dilemma there. Finally, he started the engine. “Where to?”
Good. Get past it and move on; it was what he’d come to expect from his partner. Doyle thought about it for a moment. “We still have plenty of holiday left and the cottage’s ours for another five days.”
“You don’t want to go home?”
He shook his head. “Don’t think that’d be a good idea. The Cow gets wind we’re still in town, he might get it into his head to call us in.”
“Yeah, bloody Cowley.” Bodie tilted his head in reflection. “Ray, do you think he’d believe us if we told him what happened?”
“I wouldn’t believe us and I was there. No, mate, best to just forget it ever happened. Come on, the cottage’s got a nice, comfy bed that’s calling to me.”
With a knowing smile, Bodie accelerated away from the kerb and out into the street, the car quickly gaining speed. Neither man looked back.
^^^^^^^^^^
McCoy slipped quietly into the observation deck. The Vulcan’s dark silhouette stood out against the sea of stars. With some amount of trepidation, the doctor approached his silent friend.
“Good evening, Doctor.”
“Spock.” McCoy immediately noticed the tenseness. Spock was standing with his hands clasped loosely behind his back, but his spine was stiff and his eyes never moved from the view before him. McCoy turned to look out the window for a moment. “One never does get tired of it.”
“‘The infinite meadows of heaven.’”
“Who said that? Certainly not you.”
“Bodie, though the quote is on loan from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. ‘Silently, one by one, in the infinite meadows of heaven, blossomed the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of the angels.’”
“They were quite a pair, weren’t they? He and Ray.”
The Vulcan remained silent for awhile before finally responding. “Their love of life was surpassed only by their love for one another.”
“Why, Spock, are you being romantic? I didn’t think you had it in you.”
“Did you not, Doctor?” The Vulcan glanced over, one brow quirked.
McCoy shrugged. “I’ve had my doubts recently.” He nodded his head toward the scene outside the window. “That’s telling me you don’t. While the ship is slipping into dry dock, Jim’s on the bridge and you’re down here saying good-bye.”
As they watched, the stars were partially blotted out by the cage-like structure that slowly surrounded the ship. They were home. In their own place and time.
“This seemed as suitable a place as any to do so. The Enterprise has been my home for sixteen years, seven months, six days; even I will find it difficult to depart its familiar environment.”
“I know what you mean; I’m going to miss her, too. But we brought her home and all in one piece. a day late, maybe, but nobody’s perfect.” McCoy chuckled. “I can’t wait to read Jim’s report about this.”
“Starfleet will be most interested in what we have learned. Now that we are able to calculate the anomaly's trajectory, it can be studied and markers placed to ward off the unsuspecting.”
“We certainly were unsuspecting.” He thought a moment. “Is that why you didn’t want to be on the bridge right now? Because of Jim’s reaction to you during the trip back?”
“His comportment toward me was completely professional.”
“Well, that’s the whole problem, isn’t it?”
“Spock finally turned away from the window. “I knew the captain wished to be in the center seat when we arrived. My presence there would only have lessened his pleasure.”
“You actually think he’s enjoying this?” McCoy snorted. “He’s probably going to lose the ship and apparently you right along with it. Yeah, Jim Kirk’s having a hell of a time.”
“He would have enjoyed it even less had I been there.”
“Why? Because you had the bad taste to throw his love back in his face?” McCoy cut off the objection the Vulcan was about to make. “You’ve made a mess of it, Spock. And I have to say, the only thing that surprises me is how long it took you to do so. My only question is, what are you planning on doing about it?”
“I do not know. I was so sure the path I had chosen was the correct one; our...association could only bring distress and an uncertain future, for both of us. Also, I feared the situation and its ultimate affect on me. Yet, I have come to learn that for those with the courage to face it, such situations can bring their own joy.”
“Maybe you should be telling Jim this.”
“That had occurred to me, Doctor. My only concern now is, what will be his reaction to my flagrant and completely illogical reversal?”
“He’ll be on the ship until this evening when he beams down to be debriefed; probably on his way to his cabin right now. Why don’t you meet him there and find out? Might as well start finding some of that courage you’re going to need.”
Spock gave McCoy a long look and then raised an eyebrow. “If you will excuse me, Doctor.” He started for the door.
“Where you going?” McCoy called after him.
The only response was the sound of Spock’s footsteps as he walked out of the room.
“Damn, fool Vulcan,” McCoy muttered. But he was smiling.
^^^^^^^^^^
Kirk opened the door to his closet. Most of his stuff Starfleet would have boxed and transported to his apartment but there were a few things he didn’t want to leave to chance. He pulled down the small valise tucked up on the top shelf. Throwing it on the bed, he got as far as the dresser before turning around and plopping down next to the empty bag. God, he didn’t want to do this.
He rubbed his face with his hands. So little to show for five years of his life. Yet, he couldn’t find the energy to deal with even this small amount. All he could think about were the long years stretching out before him, alone.
The tone at his door startled him. It was probably Bones, come to play his country doctor routine. Kirk really wasn’t up to it but he’d known it was coming. McCoy could be as constant as the stars.
“Come.” He stood up and moved toward the front area. Surprise stopped him just past the bedroom threshold. The door had opened and his first officer had stepped inside.
Kirk felt himself tense. He had thought they’d had all the discussions they were ever going to have. “What can I do for you, Mr. Spock?”
“May I sit, Captain?”
“I’m sort of busy right now, is this going to take long?”
Spock looked down and Kirk caught the telltale bob of the Vulcan’s larynx. Spock was nervous. Somehow, that made Kirk feel a whole lot better.
“That will depend on you, sir.”
“Very well, Mr. Spock, sit.” Kirk moved into the room and took the seat behind his desk.
The Vulcan sat down, his hands clasped tightly together.
Whatever had propelled him this far had apparently deserted him, for he remained motionless and silent.
“Um, Spock, you were going to tell me something?” Kirk finally asked.
Spock took a breath. “All things come to an end. That is what I told you.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “Yet, I find myself questioning that precept.”
Kirk tried not to react, though has heart had started pounding in his chest. “Are you?”
“Capt—Jim, have you ever questioned your humanity?”
“No, I can’t say I ever have. You’re either human or you’re not. It’s not a state of mind, it’s a biological fact.”
Spock nodded. “Yes, that is how it is for most beings.”
“Except for you.”
“Yes, except for me.” Spock tilted his head to one side, in a movement Kirk found both endearing and heartbreaking at the same time. “Has that not ever made you wonder what, exactly, I am?”
Kirk leaned forward, his elbows propped on the desk. He wanted to reach out and touch Spock so badly yet he knew the time wasn’t quite right. “I’ve always known who and what you are, Spock. You’re my first officer, my best friend and, whether it’s something you want or not, the man I love.”
“And for that, I will be forever grateful. Never think otherwise, Jim. But I have spent a great deal of my life wondering. Who am I? What am I? The answers seemed vitally important yet forever out of my reach.”
“‘Seemed’? Has something changed then?”
“Nothing has changed, yet everything has changed. What is the point of knowing who and what you are if you lose all that you are in its quest? Which is more important, the knowing or the possessing? Three days ago, I would have said the knowing.”
“Is this because of Bodie and Doyle?”
“In part. Their place in each other’s lives was a given, beyond question, in a time and place that did nothing but question their right to those lives. Yet, they wished to return there, together.”
“They loved each other.”
“Yes, but I believe it is more than that. I love you, yet I was willing to destroy what we had in order to continue my pursuit, to ‘know.’ Of which it implied more, conceit or cowardliness, I do not know.” He knit his brow. “Yet, it is almost inconceivable to me now that I would have entertained such a notion.”
“Spock,” Kirk finally reached out laid a hand on Spock’s arm. “Does that mean you want to stay?”
“If you will have me. There is no place I would rather be than at your side.”
Taking a breath, Kirk rose and came around the desk until he was standing in front of the Vulcan. He pulled him to his feet and slowly wrapped him in an embrace. “I’d thought I’d lost you.”
Spock’s arms circled Kirk’s waist, tightening around him until their bodies were pressed together. “You will never lose me, not as long as it is in my power to prevent it.”
Kirk pulled back just enough to be able to see Spock’s face. His eyes roamed over the sharp features, drinking them in. Loosening one arm from around Spock’s neck, he slowly traced his fingers across the beloved countenance and smiled. “I can give you those answers you’re looking for, Spock.”
“Can you?” Spock’s voice was tinged with the emotions he could no longer contain.
“Yes, I can.” Kirk slowly swiped his lips across the Vulcan’s in not quite a kiss. “But you have to come in and get them.”
Spock brought one hand up and placed his fingers along the meld points of Kirk’s face. “Is that all I will find?” He tugged Kirk closer, the needs of his body only slightly less than that of his mind.
Kirk gave a slight shake of his head and brought his mouth to Spock’s. “The heart has its own mind, remember?” he whispered.
Spock’s fingers tensed and Kirk felt himself falling into the meld. And felt joy.
~~~~~
“Who was that?” Bodie asked as he placed the bowl of crisps on the table and handed Doyle his beer.
“Jax. Wondered if I’d heard the news. Told him we’d been watching the launch.” Doyle still wasn’t over the shock.
“As if you wouldn’t have,” Bodie commented as he took his seat next to Doyle. He settled back and propped his feet up on the table.
“Oi, none of that.” He shoved just hard enough to get his point across.
With a grumble, Bodie pulled his feet back onto the floor. “You’re worse than me mum.”
“Yeah, well, your mum doesn’t have to clean up after you.”
“That’s your own fault, petal. You were the one who volunteered to do the housework.”
“Didn’t imagine it would be harder than gardening.”
“Gardening’s not easy, either, you know.”
“Yeah, but your hands are usually already dirty, anyway. That reminds me, Jax said he’s a cousin who might be stopping by the shop next week. Something about him having trouble with his brakes.”
Bodie beamed. “Always nice to get new business.”
“Thought you’d like that.” Doyle took another drink and toyed with the idea of calling in for a day off. Unlike Bodie, he didn’t have the luxury of going in when he pleased. He turned to Bodie. “You planning on taking tomorrow off?”
“Because of this?” Bodie motioned toward the screen.
“Yeah.”
“Why would—oh, I see. Dredging up old memories, is it?”
“Doesn’t it with you?” Doyle asked. He certainly was having trouble not thinking about what had happened to them four years before. After their experience, Doyle had found himself following the Americans’ space program. He wasn’t sure why or what he’d been hoping would happen. Contact, maybe? Or maybe just validation. Sometimes, the urge to tell someone, anyone, what had happened to them was overpowering.
Of course, nothing had ever happened but every time the American shuttle had flown, he couldn’t help but think about their own adventure in space. This time, he couldn’t help but wonder how very different the outcome could have been if there had been someone out there willing to give a helping hand.
Bodie shrugged. “Those people are long gone, Doyle. Whatever happens here,” he motioned toward the picture on the screen, the smoke plume frozen against a bright blue sky, “doesn’t concern them a bit.”
Doyle knew that. After all, they’d done nothing for him and Bodie. It had been only a year after their run-in with Kirk and Spock that he’d been shot and almost died. Afterwards, he had wondered if those people from another world had ever thought to see how he and Bodie were doing. Apparently not, and less than two years later they would find themselves in a similar situation. Only this time, it would be Bodie fighting for his life.
“Besides,” Bodie threw his arm over Doyle’s shoulders and pulled him tightly to his side. “We did have the option to go with them. Didn’t want it, did we?”
Doyle gave a grudging shake of his head. Even after everything that had happened in the following years, not once had Doyle wished that they had stayed on the ship. Then he looked back at the telly. “They could have used a bit of help.”
“True enough, but you remember how Kirk was, don’t you? Acted like we’d break something if they left us alone too long. Must have thought we were too uncivilised, the whole lot of us.”
“Maybe we wouldn’t still be so uncivilised if they lent a hand. Wouldn’t have people dying trying to get into space.”
“We have to do it on our own, Doyle. Just like you and I did.”
Doyle took Bodie hand and lightly ran a finger over the scars that crisscrossed it. “Could have done with Dr McCoy’s magic machine.”
Bodie made a fist and then stretched out his fingers, flexing his hand. He smiled and then enfolded Doyle’s hand in his. “It works well enough. Well enough for me to make a living. Maybe not with CI5, but we’ve done all right, haven’t we?”
They actually had, better than Doyle had imagined they would. Even after Bodie had gone down in a fire fight, his lung punctured by the bullet that had slammed into his body. Doyle had sprinted over, killing Bodie’s assailant but not before his partner had taken two more rounds, one in his hand.
With his partner fighting for his life, Doyle had somehow managed to hold it together. He’d shown only enough concern as a friend and partner would, hiding the secret of their relationship. But it had all been for naught. Because even though Bodie had pulled through, he’d lost too much mobility in his hand to ever be able to shoot a gun as accurately as a CI5 agent needed. When Bodie had left the organization, so had Doyle. They’d lost their jobs, their flats, and a great many of their friends once word got out, as it inevitably did, exactly why Doyle found it impossible to stay without Bodie. Of all the other agents, Jax had been the only one who hadn’t turned his back on them.
“Eventually,” Doyle finally responded.
“What’s the matter, you don’t fancy being a gym instructor?”
“You know I do.” Doyle had been pleasantly surprised when he found that he hadn’t lost all his friends when one had offered him a job at his gym in York. His salary wasn’t near what he’d made at CI5, and they’d suddenly had the expense of a place to live, but he’d taken the job, gladly, and had found to his surprise that he actually enjoyed it.
“There you go, then. I certainly enjoy fixing cars a lot better than being shot at.”
“That’s because you own the place, you daft sod.”
With the money both had had put away, they’d found and bought a house and had just enough left to put a down payment on a small garage Bodie’d had discovered was for sale. It had done well. So well that the only reason Doyle continued to work was because he refused to be a kept man. He’d done that, years before. He hadn’t liked it then and he knew he would have hated it now.
“And just because I do, I might just take you up on your suggestion.”
“What suggestion was that?”
Bodie took Doyle’s now empty bottle from him and placed it next to his on the table. Standing, he grabbed Doyle’s hand and pulled him to his feet.
“Where’re we going?” Doyle asked, as Bodie dragged him from the room.
“Bedroom. Now.”
“I don’t remember suggesting us havin’ it off.”
At the door to their bedroom, Bodie stopped and nestled Doyle’s face in one hand. “I don’t know about you, mate, but if I’m going to take a day from work, I’m not wasting it grieving for what could, or should, have been.”
“They died, Bodie.” Doyle glanced back at the television. The shot was of the seven doomed astronauts as they had taken that last walk to the shuttle.
“I know they did. Could be they won’t be the last. But we made our decision, Ray. We stayed. And that means we put up with seeing people die trying to get into space, just the way we put up with what people think of us for loving each other. It’s all part of the deal. I remember Mr Spock asking me why I would chose this world over theirs. Do you know what I told him?”
“What?”
“That I didn’t want a nice, safe life if it meant a life without you. So I’m willing to put up with what people think and, though I wish those men and women hadn’t had to die, I’m willing to put up with that, too. Just as long as we’re together.”
Doyle slipped his arms around Bodie’s waist. “Not going anywhere.”
Bodie nodded toward the bed. “How about over there?”
With a smile Doyle let his lover draw them toward the bed, leaving a trail of clothes in their wake. Perhaps they had been offered the stars, Doyle thought as he was drawn down on the bed, his lover’s body pressed against his own. But he knew that what he’d gained in their stead was well worth the cost. For who could put a price on joy?
Finis
Fandom: The Professionals - Star Trek (TOS)
Pairing: Bodie/Doyle, Kirk/Spock
Notes: Originally published as a stand-alone novella by Requiem Publications. A shorter and more K/S-centric version of this story was published in the K/S zine, T’hy’la 26, under the same name. Thanks to Kathy Resch for allowing its resubmission.
Bodie and Doyle are committed to each other, but struggling with the need to keep their intimate relationship a secret. Stopping to break up what looks like a burglary, they find that they've stumbled into something far bigger, something involving men from the future, who are struggling with an intimate relationship of their own. Each couple sees something of themselves in the other, and gain insights that help them make the most important decision of their lives: to stay or to go.
“You about done?” Doyle took the tray with both hands.
Bodie threw the napkin down and nodded. “Stuff’s a bit better than hospital food but not by much.”
Doyle took the tray and placed it on the counter across from the bed. “You’ll like what they’ve got in the rest of the ship. It’s just like being home.”
With a chuckle Bodie swung his legs over and sat up. Bodie had wanted out of the hospital gown first thing, so Doyle had helped him dress. “Not like anything from my home I hope.”
“Nah, more like a restaurant. You can even have them bring your meals to our room.”
Bodie rubbed his hands together. “Well, what are we waiting for, then?”
“For Dr McCoy to say it’s all right for you to leave.”
“Where is he?”
“Said something about another patient.” Doyle sat down next to Bodie. “Do you know, there’s over four hundred people on this ship...well, maybe not people.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Remember the two blokes breaking into that office?”
“Before I was shot.”
“That’s right. One’s the captain of this ship. The other one...” Doyle stopped, not sure how to put it.
“The other one, what?”
“Well, he’s not quite human.”
“Ray, if we’re on a spaceship, none of them are.”
“I know that. But they look like us, right? Spock, the one with the cap, well, there’s a reason he was wearing it.”
“What—”
“Ah, I see you’re ready to leave us,” McCoy announced as he walked in.
“Back home?” Bodie asked.
“Nah, mate, just to our cabin.” Doyle stood up and addressed McCoy. “That’s right, isn’t it?”
“I’m afraid so. But I’m sure it’s only temporary.”
Bodie appeared ready to object, so Doyle gave him a look he knew Bodie would understand. Any explanation could wait until they were alone. It must have got across because, instead of arguing, Bodie stood with a studied nonchalance.
“Ready whenever you are, Ray.”
Doyle grabbed Bodie by the arm and tugged him toward the door. “Come on, you. See you later, Dr McCoy,” he called back as he pulled his partner out of the room.
Once in the corridors he stopped and let go. He looked one way then the other and frowned.
“You’ve got us lost?” Bodie asked.
“Just getting me bearing. This way.” Doyle walked briskly to the right.
“So what was that about not going home yet?”
“That’s one of the things we need to find out. Nobody’s coming right out and saying it but they keep hinting around that they might not be able to send us back.”
“Why? Something wrong with that machine of theirs?”
“I don’t think so. I think it’s got something to do with us.”
“You think they want to keep us, Ray?”
Doyle scowled. “They can want all they want, we’re not staying.”
“I don’t know, seems like a nice place,” Bodie remarked in an offhand manner.
“Don’t start, Bodie. We’re going home and that’s final.”
“It’s not like we can swim home, Angelfish.” Bodie grabbed Doyle’s arm to slow him down. “You sure you know where we’re going?”
“Mr Spock showed me. We’re not to leave this floor, though.”
Bodie took in their surroundings. “Wouldn’t know how, now would we?”
Doyle chuckled. “Picked up a bit while you were asleep. We’ll figure it out. All right, here we are.”
Bodie was surprised when the doors of the room opened to them and Ray walked right in. “What if this had been the wrong room?” he asked while making a survey of their cabin.
“Wouldn’t have opened.” Doyle kicked off his shoes and made himself comfortable on one of the beds. He opened up his arms. “Come on, let’s have a cuddle.”
With a grin, Bodie came over to sit on the edge of the bed. He pulled off his shoes and then leaned over, resting his arm on the other side of Doyle’s body. “You lusting after me body, Ray?”
Doyle tugged at him until Bodie was lying with his head on his chest. “Just want you close, that’s all. Almost lost you. If it hadn’t been for them bringing us to the ship....”
“I wouldn’t have been shot to begin with if they hadn’t taken our guns.”
“Yeah, there is that. But I suppose I can’t blame them; they were trying to get away without us finding out who they were.”
“McCoy tell you that?”
“No, Mr Spock.”
“That’s right. You were telling me about him. Not quite human, is he?”
Doyle pondered that a moment. It hadn’t turned out to be as true as he had first thought. “He doesn’t look quite like us. He’s got pointed ears to begin with.”
“Got a bit of the elf in him?”
“No, you daft sod, all his people have ears like that.”
“How do you know?”
“I asked him. He says they think it’s because their planet’s air is thinner, needs them like that to hear better.”
Bodie pondered the idea. “Really different, are they?”
“No, not so different. Except they don’t believe in showing emotion.” Doyle shook his head. “Imagine pretending you don’t feel anything.”
Bodie laughed. “He’s not doing a very good job of it since he’s the captain’s lover.”
“How do you know that?”
“I overheard the captain and Dr McCoy talking about it. Apparently, Mr Spock wants to go back to where he came from, some place called Vulcan.”
“Things not working out between them?”
“Captain Kirk didn’t seem to know. Spock just told him he wanted to leave.”
Doyle thought about the stern but caring man who had taken the time to show him how things worked and how to get around the ship. He’d reminded him a bit of Bodie with his facade of indifference, though Spock had obviously had more practice at it. But to someone who had spent so many years learning his partner’s body language and what every little facial expression meant, the alien had been fairly easy to read. “I wonder why he’d do that, just up and leave without an explanation.”
“McCoy thought it had something to do with Kirk, something about their relationship not being what Spock wanted.”
“I can’t imagine it, just walking away from someone you love like that. Just think of all you’d miss.”
Bodie started working on the buttons of Doyle’s shirt, slowly undoing them one at a time. “Know what I’d miss.”
Doyle slapped his hand away. “Cut it out, you randy toad. You’re supposed to be resting.”
“Resting?” Bodie brought his head up, “Bloody hell, Ray, I’ve been in bed for the last day and a half. If I’m going to have to get in another one, I’d like to have a bit of fun while I’m at it.”
Doyle looked at him for a moment. Coming to a decision, he rolled away and stood up. He quickly divested himself of his clothing. “Well, come on, don’t just lie there, get undressed.”
Bodie didn’t argue. Instead, he got off the bed and started working at getting his shirt over his head.
While his partner finished getting his clothes off, Doyle tugged the blankets down. “But you’re going to just lie there and enjoy it. I’m not going to be the one to explain to the doctor why you’ve had a relapse.”
Undressed, Bodie happily lay down in the middle of the bed. “I’m all yours, sunshine.”
Doyle got on the bed and straddled his lover’s body. The wide expanse of Bodie’s chest was flawless, even now, and Doyle found himself slowly caressing the smooth, pale skin. “Look at you, there’s not even a scar.”
Bodie looked down at himself and smiled. “McCoy said there wouldn’t be. It would have been hard to explain, in any event.”
Doyle felt the prickle of tears. He’d almost lost this man. Scar or no scar, underneath the skin Bodie’s body was still healing. Doyle gazed down at his lover, blinking away the moisture. “You’re so bloody beautiful. Don’t know how I kept me hands off of you for so long.”
“Don’t start keeping them to yourself now, love.” Bodie reached up and pulled Doyle down until their lips almost met. “You touch all you want.”
Doyle closed the gap between them, taking his lover’s mouth in a kiss. Enfolded in Bodie’s arms, he let the kiss deepen until the heat between them became unbearable and he began to move. A slight pistoning of his hips at first, he could feel Bodie’s growing response. His lover groaned beneath him and brought his hands up to tangle in Doyle’s hair.
He tried to take it easy, allowing their bodies to rock gently together, letting the sensations slowly build between them; he would never forgive himself if Bodie were to come to any harm. But they were both so hard, their organs trapped between them, full and heavy. The feel of Bodie’s cock, slick and hot against his own, was making it difficult to keep from thrusting against the body beneath him with the ferocity his desire was demanding.
Shaking off Bodie’s hands, he threw his head back and took in gasping lungfuls of air. He was so close. The taste of this man, the smell and feel of him, surrounded Doyle, chasing away the last shadows of Bodie’s near death. As he felt his orgasm wash over him, he lowered his head to bite into the hard muscle of Bodie’s shoulder and keened out his release.
Beneath him, Bodie moaned his name and he felt a warm gush of liquid that pooled together with his own.
They lay together for several minutes as their breathing returned to normal and their body’s cooled. After awhile Doyle got up and got a flannel from the bathroom, barely remembering how to get the water running. He wiped himself clean then did the same for his partner. When he was done, he threw the soiled cloth in the recycler; it seemed these people had no problem with same-sex relationships but he wasn’t taking any chances.
He returned to the bed and pulled the blankets up to cover them both. He nestled against his lover’s side, his head on Bodie’s chest. “Is this all right? I’m not too heavy for you?”
“It’s fine. I’m not made of glass.” He ruffled Doyle’s hair. “Love you, Ray.”
“Love you, too, Bodie. Go to sleep, now.”
Bodie chuckled. “Bit early in the day, isn’t? Besides, I’m not sleepy.”
“What do you want to do then?”
“I don’t know.” He lifted his head and surveyed the room. “There must be something we can do.”
“Not hardly. There’s the computer but most of what’s in it is off-limits. There’s probably all sorts of space diseases and alien monsters they don’t want us to know about.”
Bodie chuckled. “I remember playing spaceman as a kid. Flying all over the universe, battling space monsters. I can’t believe it’d be this boring on a space ship.” He looked back at Doyle. “Is that why you don’t want to stay? Because of the danger?”
“You know me better than that.”
“Then what?”
Doyle rolled over so that he was facing the ceiling. “I’m not sure I can explain it. Yes, it would be wonderful to see all the new and exciting places, and to be able to do it together, without anyone minding what we are to each other.”
“That’s the part I really like.”
Doyle turned his head and gazed at his partner. “Is it?”
“Of course it is. I’ve had enough adventure in my life, but I’ve never had we I have now.”
“Me, either. I like feeling wanted.”
“You are.”
Doyle smiled but then his thoughts returned to their predicament and he sobered. “But I like feeling needed, too.”
“I need you,” Bodie said, his voice little more than a whisper.
“Maybe I’m using the wrong word. Maybe ‘useful’ says it better.”
“You don’t think we’d be useful here?”
He snorted. “They’d probably have to train us just to be dustmen.”
“Complicated, huh?”
“You could say.” Doyle rolled back into Bodie’s embrace, depression threatening to settle. “We’d be so out of place, Bodie. We’d probably be more of a burden than anything else.”
Bodie tightened his hold. “I guess we’re not staying, then.”
“You didn’t want to, did you?”
“No, not really. As far as I’m concerned, wherever you want to go, that’s where we go. Would have been easier here, though.”
“You mean about us.”
“Yeah, could have managed not having to hide what we are. Wouldn’t have to pretend all the time.”
“I did think about that.” Doyle ran a hand through his hair. “But we’re doing okay, aren’t we?”
Bodie let out a snort of disbelief. “Pull the other one, mate. It was you who was giving me a right bollocking about my social life, wasn’t it?”
Doyle had the grace to look abashed. “Doesn’t bother me anymore.”
“No?” Bodie turned his head and looked directly at Doyle. “Something change?”
“What do you think? Of course something’s changed. I almost lost you. That sort of thing tends to put everything else in perspective.”
“Told you, Ray, just you and me now.”
Doyle could hear the exhaustion in his partner’s voice. “What do you say to a short kip? Got lots to do later.”
“Like what?”
“Like find out where these people are from, what they’re doing here.”
“And go home?”
“Yeah, and go home.”
Bodie spoke around a yawn. “Then that’s what we’ll do.”
In hardly any time, Doyle heard Bodie’s breathing even out into sleep. A couple of minutes later, he followed him.
The next thing Bodie knew it was ‘morning.’ At least, that’s what the strange little clock in their room said. He rubbed his eyes and then looked around the room. “Ray?”
The door to their bathroom swished open. “‘Bout time, Sleeping Beauty,” Doyle remarked as he approached the bed. “I thought you were never going to wake up.”
Bodie sat up and stretched. “You could have woke me up.”
“No point. Besides, you needed the extra sleep.”
“You didn’t sleep all this time, did you?”
“Had better things to do, didn’t I?” He nodded toward the computer terminal. “I spent the evening trying to get information out of that thing.”
“Any luck?” Bodie asked as he swung his legs over the edge the bed.
“None. That things locked up tighter than Cowley’s liquor cabinet.”
“So what do we do now?”
“I was thinking,” Doyle responded as he started picking up Bodie’s clothes from where they’d been thrown the night before. “They’re going to want to keep on eye on us; there’s no way they trust us enough to leave us alone for any amount of time. So, I figured I would call Dr McCoy, say I wanted to have breakfast with him because you’re still asleep.”
“Breakfast? I’m hungry, too, you know.”
“Don’t worry. Afterwards, we’ll go to one of those rooms where the food comes out of the wall and have a proper nosh-up.”
“You promise?”
“Yes, I promise, you big baby.”
Bodie made a face as he grabbed his clothes from Doyle and headed for the facilities. By the time he’d finished, Doyle had made arrangements to meet the doctor.
“You going to be all right?” Doyle asked as he stood hesitantly in the doorway. The doors had sprung open at his approach and refused to close.
“I’ll be fine. You just make sure they believe your story.”
“Why wouldn’t they? I can lie with the best of them.” Doyle grinned. “Don’t worry, mate, nothing’s about to go wrong.”
~~~~~
So nothing could go wrong, huh? Bodie swore. There was no way around it; he was lost. He could have sworn he’d followed a pattern, up one level, keeping to the right until he came to another ladder. But when he’d tried to reverse his steps, he’d wound up here, wherever here was.
He had been lucky at first. Not too far from their cabin he’d run into a ladder of sorts. The choice of going up or down was taken from him when he heard voices below him. He’d quickly made his way up to the next deck.
It hadn’t been much different from the one below it. That was, in fact, his problem. One careless moment and he’d got turned around. With nothing to distinguish one floor from the next, there was no way to tell if he was on the right one or not. So far, every door that had opened to him had only led him to rooms empty but for table and chairs.
Another funny thing were on the door signs. He and Doyle had thought the ones near their cabin were in English for their convenience but, from what Bodie could see, they were all in English, on every deck. What was that all about?
Well, best to keep going. He was about to start toward another rung of steps when he heard voices coming toward him. Without thinking about it, he slipped through the first doors that opened to him.
His first impression was of darkness, as if he’d stepped from day to night. But within moments his eyes adjusted and Bodie walked forward almost in a daze. All those stars! He tentatively approached the window and put out his hand to touch the glasslike barrier. He was surprised at the warmth he felt there.
“It is quite beautiful, is it not?”
Bodie whirled and peered into the dark. He hadn’t notice the figure sitting on one of the low benches set back away from the window. “Who’s there?”
The person rose and came forward. It was the one Ray had told him about, the Vulcan. Wasn’t lying about the ears.
“Bloody hell, mate, you gave me a start.”
Spock nodded his head, as if acknowledging blame, but it was the stars he watched. “I often use this place for meditation. My focus was inward; I did not realize you were unaware of my presence.”
“You should wear a bell.” When no response was forthcoming, Bodie followed Spock’s gaze out into the stars. “I’ve never seen anything like this. Even in Africa you couldn’t see this many stars. ‘The infinite meadows of heaven.’”
“Then this is not your first time far from home.”
Bodie looked at the alien in surprise. He hadn’t expected humor from the man. “Not this far and home’s looking better all the time.”
“One tires of the unfamiliar.”
“I never thought of it that way, but you may be right. But it’s not like I was ever forced before; I was always where I wanted to be.”
“Yet, you returned to the place of your birth. Why?”
“It was time,” Bodie said with a shrug. “I’d seen what I’d gone to see, done what I’d gone to do.”
Spock finally turned his way. “Or perhaps you came to realize that what you were looking for was there all along.”
“I’m not sure what you mean. As far as I know, I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, except maybe excitement. I was fourteen, didn’t know me arse from me elbow but never seeing England again was never part of the deal.” Bodie returned the stare. “Still isn’t.”
“Perhaps.” Spock returned to his study of the stars. “Would it be so terrible, then, never to see home again?”
“I don’t know. I guess as long as I was with Ray it wouldn’t be too bad. I think it would bother him more, though. Ray, he’s the sort who gets attached to things. He’d miss the people and places more than I would.”
Spock was silent for long time. Bodie was about to leave when the Vulcan spoke again. “What if you were forced to return alone?”
“That’s not going to happen, mate.” He said the words almost casually but he would kill whoever tried to separate him from Ray.
“It was not meant as a threat.”
“Wasn’t it?”
“No, it was not. Forgive my curiosity but I fail to see why you would refuse to stay, knowing that on your planet your relationship with Mr. Doyle is untenable.”
“Our ‘relationship’?”
“I was able to eventually ascertain your status as Mr. Doyle’s companion.”
Bodie studied the Vulcan. “That must have been some talk you and Ray had.”
“We spoke of many things. I found him quite astute and his conversation quite fascinating.” The Vulcan’s demeanor changed slightly, losing some of its cool detachment. “Yet when he first spoke of you, it was with the implication that he barely tolerated you, not at all the impression his actions on the planet implied. When I asked him why his words and actions were in such opposition to each other, he appeared confused, as if what I was saying held no meaning for him.”
“Ray’s a sarky bastard; no getting around that. But that’s just his way. He doesn’t mean half of what he says. I know what he feels for me and no man could ask for a better partner. He protects my back and I protect his.”
“So he implied.”
“You sound like you didn’t believe him.”
“I regret giving you that impression; that was not my intent. I merely found him quite volatile, so that I did not always know if what he related was hyperbole or actual fact.” He tilted his head and his brow drew together in thought. “Perhaps it is your place to temper his more capricious nature. Yet, there is no logic to your relationship. You are two men, on a planet where such a partnership is actively condemned, in a profession where one or the other could easily be taken by death.”
“It’s worth it. He’s worth it. I’ve been alone; spent years telling myself it was what I wanted. ‘Don’t get involved,’ that was my motto. Stay cool. Then I was partnered with Ray. Hot tempered, caring way too much about everything, I thought we’d kill each other for sure. But before I knew it, he’d become everything to me. He’s like a storm that blew into my life and turned it on its head. Haven’t had a peaceful day since. Give that up, just so I can have a nice, safe life? Ta, very much, mate, I’ll pass on that.”
“There is much to be said for following the dictates of society. Surely, there are times when what you wish in your life goes against that which you need in your life.”
Bodie snorted. “You sound like Ray. Always tearing things apart, having to know every last bit, can’t just be satisfied with what you’ve got. You must send that captain of yours round the bloody twist.”
Spock stiffened. “Captain Kirk appreciates the fact that I am constantly seeking knowledge.”
“I doubt that,” Bodie shot back. “There’s such a thing as being too curious. Don’t be too anxious to look for answers to everything, you might not like what you find—or the price you might have to pay.”
Bodie wasn’t sure what the look Spock gave him meant but it appeared their conversation was at an end when the Vulcan turned and walked over to a red-edged control panel on the wall and pushed a button.
“Spock to Captain Kirk.” Spock spoke into what had to be some kind of transmitter.
“Kirk here. What is it, Mr. Spock?”
Spock turned and deliberately stared at Bodie. “It seems one of our guests has decided to acquaint himself with the ship.”
“Doyle’s with Dr. McCoy, so you must be talking about Bodie.”
“That is correct, Captain. What are your orders?”
Bodie almost felt sorry for Kirk. Spock could have been talking to a stranger.
“Take him back to his cabin. I’ll pick up Doyle and meet you there. Kirk out.”
Spock nodded toward the door. “After you, sir.”
Ah, well, he’d tried at least. He smiled at the Vulcan and sauntered toward the door.
Doyle glanced up from his plate when the doors to sickbay opened. He and McCoy had been having an enjoyable conversation over breakfast, as Doyle had simultaneously tried to get information from McCoy while keeping the doctor in the dark as to Bodie’s whereabouts. But from the lack of expression on Kirk’s face, Doyle had a sneaking suspicion his partner had been found out.
Kirk advanced his way and, fists planted on his hips, glared down on him. “Mr. Doyle, where is your friend?”
Doyle stole a look at McCoy. The doctor was looking back at him and shaking his head.
“You gonna tell me that fool partner of yours is gallivantin’ through the ship? He’s supposed to be resting.”
“I tried talking him out of it. But there’s no holding Bodie back when he’s of a mind to do something,” Doyle responded. It was partially true.
“Where is he, Jim?”
Kirk turned to the doctor. “He ran into Spock on the observation deck, who is at this moment escorting him back to their cabin.” He motioned toward Doyle. “The same place Mr. Doyle will be going now.”
Doyle shrugged and stood up. He hadn’t liked lying to McCoy; he thought of the doctor as almost a friend. But he and Bodie had believed it their only chance at finding out what was going on around here; it wasn’t one either man had felt they could pass up. He really hadn’t wanted Bodie prowling around on his own, either. “He’s all right, isn’t he?”
“He’s fine and he’s going to stay that way until we beam you back down tomorrow morning because both of you are going to be confined to quarters,” Kirk snapped.
“So, you’ll be sending us home?”
“Yes, Mr. Doyle, we’ll be sending you home.”
Doyle smiled in relief. That’s all they’d wanted all along.
McCoy pushed back his chair and got up. “Mind if I come along? I’d like to check my patient out.”
Kirk nodded and then motioned Doyle forward. “Come along, Mr. Doyle.”
When the three men got to the cabin, Bodie was sitting on the bed, propped up by the pillows from both beds. Spock sat at the computer, his attention focused on the screen.
“Hello, sunshine.” Bodie smiled at Ray, who walked over and sat next to him on the bed.
“You okay?”
“Never been better.”
McCoy approached the bed from the other side. “Let me be the judge of that.”
Bodie watched in fascination as the small instrument in McCoy’s hand whirled and hummed over his body. “What’s it saying?”
McCoy finished and snapped the device off. “It says you’re in perfect health and that you’re going to rest for the next eighteen hours if you want to stay that way.”
“We being locked up for the night, Ray?” Bodie asked.
“‘Fraid so, sunshine. It’s for the best. Need your strength for all those fish you’ll be catching, now won’t you?”
Bodie turned back to McCoy who nodded but when he spoke his question was for Kirk. “Did you decide we weren’t dangerous?”
Kirk’s voice wasn’t exactly warm but it had lost the edge of anger it had had. “Never that, Mr. Bodie. But I did decide you weren’t a threat—not to us, anyway. Nevertheless, there will be two guards at your door to make sure.”
Spock stood and approached Kirk. “I have taken the liberty of disabling the computer except for those operations considered vital. They will not be able to extract any information. They were not successful the first time but I would not wish to allow them another try.”
Doyle looked back at Bodie, who only shrugged. But Doyle could read volumes in that one gesture. They were going home, together. What else could possibly matter?
Kirk sat at his desk, his elbows propped on its surface, his forehead resting against the palms of his hands. It was late and he was tired, yet he was unable to sleep. Tomorrow morning, according to Spock’s calculations, they would be back in their own time. They would be home, and then Spock would walk out of his life.
He didn’t understand it, none of it. What did Spock think could possibly be accomplished by leaving? He was who he was, neither wholly Vulcan or Terran, but a unique blending of the two. Loving Kirk hadn’t changed that. Leaving him wouldn’t, either.
Kirk swore when the tone signaling someone at his door sounded. It was two hundred hours, for god’s sake. He sat up, straightened his shoulders and folded his hands on the desk. “Come.”
It was Spock.
“May I enter?” the Vulcan asked but there was a hint of hesitation in his voice.
“Why not?” When Spock didn’t move, Kirk sighed and added, “Sure, Mr. Spock. What can I do for you?”
Spock approached the desk. “It is quite late. Perhaps another time...”
“I couldn’t sleep, anyway. Sit down and tell me, to what do I owe the privilege of your company?” It surprised him how little sarcasm had been in his tone; maybe he was even more tired than he thought.
Spock took the chair on the other side of the desk. “I wished to thank you.”
Kirk’s eyes widened with surprise. “For what?”
“For deciding to allow Mr. Doyle and Bodie to return home.”
“They didn’t find out anything and now they won’t have a chance to.”
“But you did not know that when you made your decision.”
Kirk noticed it wasn’t a question. It seemed that, though Spock was still a mystery to him, the reverse wasn’t true. “No, I didn’t. But I did finally know what kind of men they were.” He leaned forward, unconsciously moving closer. “I read their histories, or their futures, to be precise.”
“What did you find?”
“That they’ll have a pretty rough time of it; Earth during this period wasn’t exactly tolerant of same-sex relationships. And they’ll have some close calls. Doyle will almost die and both men will be faced with a situation that will seriously put in doubt their belief in the organization and the man they work for. There will be a serious injury that will necessitate bringing their relationship to light and force their retirement from public service. They’ll be ridiculed by some, actively hated by others, yet, through it all, they’ll stay together.”
“You sound as if you envy them.”
“Wouldn’t you?” He studied Spock, trying to see beneath the calm exterior. “No, I suppose you wouldn’t. But, yes, I envy them. And in spite of that envy, or maybe because of it, I couldn’t force them to stay. They want to go home.”
“Yet you would not spend time with them; may I ask why not?”
“Because it would have been too painful to watch.”
Spock appeared to ponder that for a moment before replying. “I am not sure I understand.”
Kirk’s tone was wistful. “Oh, Spock, even you’re not that dense.”
The Vulcan’s lips tightened and he looked away. “I truly hoped to make you understand why I must leave.”
“I’m sorry, Spock, I never will. Those two men willingly go through all that and never falter in their devotion to one another. Yet, you,” Kirk’s shook his head, not sure if he felt like laughing or crying, “are willing to throw away what we have because of something no one but you appears to have a problem with.”
“Jim—”
“No, let me finish. I love you and I’m just tenacious enough to think that you still love me. I don’t know what this thing is that’s more important to you than that love. Whatever it is, if you ever find it, I hope it’s worth the price. But remember this, absence doesn’t really make the heart grow fonder. It just makes you forgot. Love can’t exist in a vacuum, Spock.”
The Vulcan seemed to start at his words. “You are telling me if I leave you will find another.”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. There’s a quote I remember from a late twentieth century writer. He wrote, ‘the heart has its own mind, and its business is joy.’ I want to be happy. I’d prefer being happy with you. If that’s not possible, then....” He spread his hands.
Spock gave a short nod and stood. “I understand, Captain.”
“I hope so, Mr. Spock.”
When the Vulcan walked out of the room, Kirk slumped against the desk. He’d played his last card, hoping that Spock would come to understand what it was he could lose. If Spock wanted to throw himself into the depth of hell, that was his business, but there was no way Kirk would willingly follow him there. Never mind that at this moment he couldn’t imagine ever being happy again. He would go on and, someday, he would know joy again.
They came for them early the next morning. Doyle was still in the shower when he heard voices coming from the outer room. He hurriedly dressed and exited the bathroom while still tucking in his shirt.
They were finally allowed to see more of the ship. Though still kept away from the rest of the crew, Doyle at least knew for sure that there was more to the crew than the handful of people they’d seen so far.
As they walked the corridors of the ship, flanked by Mr Spock and Dr McCoy, Captain Kirk leading the way, it made him momentarily rethink his desire to return home. He tried to imagine what it would be like to travel the stars. But then he stole a glance at Bodie and knew the two of them needed to return home. Their lives were there, doing what they did best. Together.
Taken to breakfast, Bodie didn’t appear to have a problem with the food, seeming to take it at face value. Doyle imagined, after the places his partner had been, as long as it tasted good he would eat it.
But Doyle wasn’t fooled for a minute. Just as he spent a lot of the time watching the three men with them at the table, so Bodie never stopped taking in their surroundings. They were partners, and you covered your partner’s back.
How different would life here have been for them? Looking at Captain Kirk and Mr Spock, he wondered. He and Bodie may have to deal with loving each other on a world where two men together was not well tolerated, but at least that love was never in question. They’d had to fight too hard to make it a reality to throw it away the way these two men seemed to be doing.
He glanced at Bodie who smiled at him. Not for anything, mate. You’re mine and nothing’s ever going to change that. I won’t let it. I almost lost you once; anyone tries to take you away, will have to go through me.
Finally, it was time to leave. They were walked to another room, on yet another deck, and led to a large platform with discs spaced equidistance apart on its surface.
“Each of you stand on one of them.” McCoy directed. “It won’t hurt a bit.”
Doyle eyed the doctor, not certain if he was joking or not. “You sure?”
“Didn’t the first time, did it?”
“Come on, Doyle. It’s time to go.” Bodie had already stepped onto one of the discs.
“All right, all right. Just making sure.” Doyle looked over at Spock, who stood behind a console of what Doyle assumed were the controls. “Where you putting us?”
“You’ll be transported to the same place from which you were taken. I have scanned the area; there are no others nearby. It is only oh five hundred hours in your time zone.”
Doyle nodded and hesitantly stepped up on the platform next to Bodie. He barely remembered the first time they’d used this on them but he wasn’t looking forward to going through it again.
“That’s all right, son. I hate travelin’ that way, too. But look on the bright side; this will be your last ride in it,” McCoy quietly said before stepping back to stand next to Captain Kirk who waited just inside the doorway.
“Oh, I almost forgot to give you these.” Kirk approached both men and handed them their guns. “You won’t need them but I thought you’d like them back.”
Bodie grabbed both weapons and handed Doyle’s to him. “Here, try to keep hold of it from now on.”
Doyle was about to respond when Kirk’s laughter stopped him. He looked at the man in surprise.
“I think this is where we came in. Have a good trip, gentlemen.” Kirk stepped away. “Mr. Spock, energize.”
They materialized in the same spot he remembered holding Bodie in his arms; blood still stained the pavement.
“Bloody hell.”
Doyle looked over at his partner. Bodie was gingerly going over his body, as if making sure he was in one piece.
“You all right?” Doyle wasn’t sure he was but he wasn’t the one who’d been shot.
“I think so.” Bodie shivered in the morning chill. “Let’s get out of here, Ray.”
They looked at each other and, in silent agreement, started back to the car.
Bodie glanced back. “I’d sure liked to know who shot me.”
“Already been taken care of, sunshine.” Doyle beamed.
“How’d you manage that?”
“I had a talk with Mr Spock. He and Captain Kirk took it personal, you being shot because they had our guns.”
“And you weren’t above twisting’ the knife a bit, I take it?”
Doyle shook his head. “It wasn’t like that, Bodie. They’d already seen to it, anyway. Seems we interrupted a robbery.”
“That’s right, it’s what we were looking into to begin with. I wonder if it’s the same person Steve was going to tell us about.”
“I don’t know but the dumb crud left the loot behind.”
“How’d that help them find him?”
“Mr Spock wouldn’t say, exactly. Something to do with their equipment being able to find the bloke from his having touched the stuff. He didn’t go into details.” Doyle had been amazed by the little the Vulcan had shown him.
“And?”
“And, what?”
“What’d they do with him?” Bodie looked ready to thump him.
“They didn’t do anything with him. But they did put in a call to the authorities, so the Met sent someone out to his flat and apprehended him. Turns out the place was full of stuff he’d nicked.”
They reached the street and, surprisingly, found their vehicle was still there. Bodie unlocked the door and slid into the driver’s seat while Doyle settled in on the passenger’s side.
Bodie sat there for a moment, mulling over what he’d been told. “What about me?”
“What about you?”
“In case you forgot, Doyle, he shot me! Is he going to get away with that?”
Doyle looked pointedly at Bodie’s chest. “And how you planning on proving that?”
“Well, I....bloody hell.”
“Exactly, mate.” Doyle rested his hand on Bodie’s arm. “The best we can hope for is the coppers have so much on him he’ll be behind bars for years.”
“Doesn’t seem quite right.”
“No, it doesn’t but it’s all we’re going to get.” Doyle squeezed Bodie’s arm. “But you’re alive. Didn’t think I’d have that for awhile. It’s enough for me.”
Bodie stared into Doyle’s eyes, as if he could find the answer to his dilemma there. Finally, he started the engine. “Where to?”
Good. Get past it and move on; it was what he’d come to expect from his partner. Doyle thought about it for a moment. “We still have plenty of holiday left and the cottage’s ours for another five days.”
“You don’t want to go home?”
He shook his head. “Don’t think that’d be a good idea. The Cow gets wind we’re still in town, he might get it into his head to call us in.”
“Yeah, bloody Cowley.” Bodie tilted his head in reflection. “Ray, do you think he’d believe us if we told him what happened?”
“I wouldn’t believe us and I was there. No, mate, best to just forget it ever happened. Come on, the cottage’s got a nice, comfy bed that’s calling to me.”
With a knowing smile, Bodie accelerated away from the kerb and out into the street, the car quickly gaining speed. Neither man looked back.
McCoy slipped quietly into the observation deck. The Vulcan’s dark silhouette stood out against the sea of stars. With some amount of trepidation, the doctor approached his silent friend.
“Good evening, Doctor.”
“Spock.” McCoy immediately noticed the tenseness. Spock was standing with his hands clasped loosely behind his back, but his spine was stiff and his eyes never moved from the view before him. McCoy turned to look out the window for a moment. “One never does get tired of it.”
“‘The infinite meadows of heaven.’”
“Who said that? Certainly not you.”
“Bodie, though the quote is on loan from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. ‘Silently, one by one, in the infinite meadows of heaven, blossomed the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of the angels.’”
“They were quite a pair, weren’t they? He and Ray.”
The Vulcan remained silent for awhile before finally responding. “Their love of life was surpassed only by their love for one another.”
“Why, Spock, are you being romantic? I didn’t think you had it in you.”
“Did you not, Doctor?” The Vulcan glanced over, one brow quirked.
McCoy shrugged. “I’ve had my doubts recently.” He nodded his head toward the scene outside the window. “That’s telling me you don’t. While the ship is slipping into dry dock, Jim’s on the bridge and you’re down here saying good-bye.”
As they watched, the stars were partially blotted out by the cage-like structure that slowly surrounded the ship. They were home. In their own place and time.
“This seemed as suitable a place as any to do so. The Enterprise has been my home for sixteen years, seven months, six days; even I will find it difficult to depart its familiar environment.”
“I know what you mean; I’m going to miss her, too. But we brought her home and all in one piece. a day late, maybe, but nobody’s perfect.” McCoy chuckled. “I can’t wait to read Jim’s report about this.”
“Starfleet will be most interested in what we have learned. Now that we are able to calculate the anomaly's trajectory, it can be studied and markers placed to ward off the unsuspecting.”
“We certainly were unsuspecting.” He thought a moment. “Is that why you didn’t want to be on the bridge right now? Because of Jim’s reaction to you during the trip back?”
“His comportment toward me was completely professional.”
“Well, that’s the whole problem, isn’t it?”
“Spock finally turned away from the window. “I knew the captain wished to be in the center seat when we arrived. My presence there would only have lessened his pleasure.”
“You actually think he’s enjoying this?” McCoy snorted. “He’s probably going to lose the ship and apparently you right along with it. Yeah, Jim Kirk’s having a hell of a time.”
“He would have enjoyed it even less had I been there.”
“Why? Because you had the bad taste to throw his love back in his face?” McCoy cut off the objection the Vulcan was about to make. “You’ve made a mess of it, Spock. And I have to say, the only thing that surprises me is how long it took you to do so. My only question is, what are you planning on doing about it?”
“I do not know. I was so sure the path I had chosen was the correct one; our...association could only bring distress and an uncertain future, for both of us. Also, I feared the situation and its ultimate affect on me. Yet, I have come to learn that for those with the courage to face it, such situations can bring their own joy.”
“Maybe you should be telling Jim this.”
“That had occurred to me, Doctor. My only concern now is, what will be his reaction to my flagrant and completely illogical reversal?”
“He’ll be on the ship until this evening when he beams down to be debriefed; probably on his way to his cabin right now. Why don’t you meet him there and find out? Might as well start finding some of that courage you’re going to need.”
Spock gave McCoy a long look and then raised an eyebrow. “If you will excuse me, Doctor.” He started for the door.
“Where you going?” McCoy called after him.
The only response was the sound of Spock’s footsteps as he walked out of the room.
“Damn, fool Vulcan,” McCoy muttered. But he was smiling.
Kirk opened the door to his closet. Most of his stuff Starfleet would have boxed and transported to his apartment but there were a few things he didn’t want to leave to chance. He pulled down the small valise tucked up on the top shelf. Throwing it on the bed, he got as far as the dresser before turning around and plopping down next to the empty bag. God, he didn’t want to do this.
He rubbed his face with his hands. So little to show for five years of his life. Yet, he couldn’t find the energy to deal with even this small amount. All he could think about were the long years stretching out before him, alone.
The tone at his door startled him. It was probably Bones, come to play his country doctor routine. Kirk really wasn’t up to it but he’d known it was coming. McCoy could be as constant as the stars.
“Come.” He stood up and moved toward the front area. Surprise stopped him just past the bedroom threshold. The door had opened and his first officer had stepped inside.
Kirk felt himself tense. He had thought they’d had all the discussions they were ever going to have. “What can I do for you, Mr. Spock?”
“May I sit, Captain?”
“I’m sort of busy right now, is this going to take long?”
Spock looked down and Kirk caught the telltale bob of the Vulcan’s larynx. Spock was nervous. Somehow, that made Kirk feel a whole lot better.
“That will depend on you, sir.”
“Very well, Mr. Spock, sit.” Kirk moved into the room and took the seat behind his desk.
The Vulcan sat down, his hands clasped tightly together.
Whatever had propelled him this far had apparently deserted him, for he remained motionless and silent.
“Um, Spock, you were going to tell me something?” Kirk finally asked.
Spock took a breath. “All things come to an end. That is what I told you.” He closed his eyes for a moment. “Yet, I find myself questioning that precept.”
Kirk tried not to react, though has heart had started pounding in his chest. “Are you?”
“Capt—Jim, have you ever questioned your humanity?”
“No, I can’t say I ever have. You’re either human or you’re not. It’s not a state of mind, it’s a biological fact.”
Spock nodded. “Yes, that is how it is for most beings.”
“Except for you.”
“Yes, except for me.” Spock tilted his head to one side, in a movement Kirk found both endearing and heartbreaking at the same time. “Has that not ever made you wonder what, exactly, I am?”
Kirk leaned forward, his elbows propped on the desk. He wanted to reach out and touch Spock so badly yet he knew the time wasn’t quite right. “I’ve always known who and what you are, Spock. You’re my first officer, my best friend and, whether it’s something you want or not, the man I love.”
“And for that, I will be forever grateful. Never think otherwise, Jim. But I have spent a great deal of my life wondering. Who am I? What am I? The answers seemed vitally important yet forever out of my reach.”
“‘Seemed’? Has something changed then?”
“Nothing has changed, yet everything has changed. What is the point of knowing who and what you are if you lose all that you are in its quest? Which is more important, the knowing or the possessing? Three days ago, I would have said the knowing.”
“Is this because of Bodie and Doyle?”
“In part. Their place in each other’s lives was a given, beyond question, in a time and place that did nothing but question their right to those lives. Yet, they wished to return there, together.”
“They loved each other.”
“Yes, but I believe it is more than that. I love you, yet I was willing to destroy what we had in order to continue my pursuit, to ‘know.’ Of which it implied more, conceit or cowardliness, I do not know.” He knit his brow. “Yet, it is almost inconceivable to me now that I would have entertained such a notion.”
“Spock,” Kirk finally reached out laid a hand on Spock’s arm. “Does that mean you want to stay?”
“If you will have me. There is no place I would rather be than at your side.”
Taking a breath, Kirk rose and came around the desk until he was standing in front of the Vulcan. He pulled him to his feet and slowly wrapped him in an embrace. “I’d thought I’d lost you.”
Spock’s arms circled Kirk’s waist, tightening around him until their bodies were pressed together. “You will never lose me, not as long as it is in my power to prevent it.”
Kirk pulled back just enough to be able to see Spock’s face. His eyes roamed over the sharp features, drinking them in. Loosening one arm from around Spock’s neck, he slowly traced his fingers across the beloved countenance and smiled. “I can give you those answers you’re looking for, Spock.”
“Can you?” Spock’s voice was tinged with the emotions he could no longer contain.
“Yes, I can.” Kirk slowly swiped his lips across the Vulcan’s in not quite a kiss. “But you have to come in and get them.”
Spock brought one hand up and placed his fingers along the meld points of Kirk’s face. “Is that all I will find?” He tugged Kirk closer, the needs of his body only slightly less than that of his mind.
Kirk gave a slight shake of his head and brought his mouth to Spock’s. “The heart has its own mind, remember?” he whispered.
Spock’s fingers tensed and Kirk felt himself falling into the meld. And felt joy.
~~~~~
“Who was that?” Bodie asked as he placed the bowl of crisps on the table and handed Doyle his beer.
“Jax. Wondered if I’d heard the news. Told him we’d been watching the launch.” Doyle still wasn’t over the shock.
“As if you wouldn’t have,” Bodie commented as he took his seat next to Doyle. He settled back and propped his feet up on the table.
“Oi, none of that.” He shoved just hard enough to get his point across.
With a grumble, Bodie pulled his feet back onto the floor. “You’re worse than me mum.”
“Yeah, well, your mum doesn’t have to clean up after you.”
“That’s your own fault, petal. You were the one who volunteered to do the housework.”
“Didn’t imagine it would be harder than gardening.”
“Gardening’s not easy, either, you know.”
“Yeah, but your hands are usually already dirty, anyway. That reminds me, Jax said he’s a cousin who might be stopping by the shop next week. Something about him having trouble with his brakes.”
Bodie beamed. “Always nice to get new business.”
“Thought you’d like that.” Doyle took another drink and toyed with the idea of calling in for a day off. Unlike Bodie, he didn’t have the luxury of going in when he pleased. He turned to Bodie. “You planning on taking tomorrow off?”
“Because of this?” Bodie motioned toward the screen.
“Yeah.”
“Why would—oh, I see. Dredging up old memories, is it?”
“Doesn’t it with you?” Doyle asked. He certainly was having trouble not thinking about what had happened to them four years before. After their experience, Doyle had found himself following the Americans’ space program. He wasn’t sure why or what he’d been hoping would happen. Contact, maybe? Or maybe just validation. Sometimes, the urge to tell someone, anyone, what had happened to them was overpowering.
Of course, nothing had ever happened but every time the American shuttle had flown, he couldn’t help but think about their own adventure in space. This time, he couldn’t help but wonder how very different the outcome could have been if there had been someone out there willing to give a helping hand.
Bodie shrugged. “Those people are long gone, Doyle. Whatever happens here,” he motioned toward the picture on the screen, the smoke plume frozen against a bright blue sky, “doesn’t concern them a bit.”
Doyle knew that. After all, they’d done nothing for him and Bodie. It had been only a year after their run-in with Kirk and Spock that he’d been shot and almost died. Afterwards, he had wondered if those people from another world had ever thought to see how he and Bodie were doing. Apparently not, and less than two years later they would find themselves in a similar situation. Only this time, it would be Bodie fighting for his life.
“Besides,” Bodie threw his arm over Doyle’s shoulders and pulled him tightly to his side. “We did have the option to go with them. Didn’t want it, did we?”
Doyle gave a grudging shake of his head. Even after everything that had happened in the following years, not once had Doyle wished that they had stayed on the ship. Then he looked back at the telly. “They could have used a bit of help.”
“True enough, but you remember how Kirk was, don’t you? Acted like we’d break something if they left us alone too long. Must have thought we were too uncivilised, the whole lot of us.”
“Maybe we wouldn’t still be so uncivilised if they lent a hand. Wouldn’t have people dying trying to get into space.”
“We have to do it on our own, Doyle. Just like you and I did.”
Doyle took Bodie hand and lightly ran a finger over the scars that crisscrossed it. “Could have done with Dr McCoy’s magic machine.”
Bodie made a fist and then stretched out his fingers, flexing his hand. He smiled and then enfolded Doyle’s hand in his. “It works well enough. Well enough for me to make a living. Maybe not with CI5, but we’ve done all right, haven’t we?”
They actually had, better than Doyle had imagined they would. Even after Bodie had gone down in a fire fight, his lung punctured by the bullet that had slammed into his body. Doyle had sprinted over, killing Bodie’s assailant but not before his partner had taken two more rounds, one in his hand.
With his partner fighting for his life, Doyle had somehow managed to hold it together. He’d shown only enough concern as a friend and partner would, hiding the secret of their relationship. But it had all been for naught. Because even though Bodie had pulled through, he’d lost too much mobility in his hand to ever be able to shoot a gun as accurately as a CI5 agent needed. When Bodie had left the organization, so had Doyle. They’d lost their jobs, their flats, and a great many of their friends once word got out, as it inevitably did, exactly why Doyle found it impossible to stay without Bodie. Of all the other agents, Jax had been the only one who hadn’t turned his back on them.
“Eventually,” Doyle finally responded.
“What’s the matter, you don’t fancy being a gym instructor?”
“You know I do.” Doyle had been pleasantly surprised when he found that he hadn’t lost all his friends when one had offered him a job at his gym in York. His salary wasn’t near what he’d made at CI5, and they’d suddenly had the expense of a place to live, but he’d taken the job, gladly, and had found to his surprise that he actually enjoyed it.
“There you go, then. I certainly enjoy fixing cars a lot better than being shot at.”
“That’s because you own the place, you daft sod.”
With the money both had had put away, they’d found and bought a house and had just enough left to put a down payment on a small garage Bodie’d had discovered was for sale. It had done well. So well that the only reason Doyle continued to work was because he refused to be a kept man. He’d done that, years before. He hadn’t liked it then and he knew he would have hated it now.
“And just because I do, I might just take you up on your suggestion.”
“What suggestion was that?”
Bodie took Doyle’s now empty bottle from him and placed it next to his on the table. Standing, he grabbed Doyle’s hand and pulled him to his feet.
“Where’re we going?” Doyle asked, as Bodie dragged him from the room.
“Bedroom. Now.”
“I don’t remember suggesting us havin’ it off.”
At the door to their bedroom, Bodie stopped and nestled Doyle’s face in one hand. “I don’t know about you, mate, but if I’m going to take a day from work, I’m not wasting it grieving for what could, or should, have been.”
“They died, Bodie.” Doyle glanced back at the television. The shot was of the seven doomed astronauts as they had taken that last walk to the shuttle.
“I know they did. Could be they won’t be the last. But we made our decision, Ray. We stayed. And that means we put up with seeing people die trying to get into space, just the way we put up with what people think of us for loving each other. It’s all part of the deal. I remember Mr Spock asking me why I would chose this world over theirs. Do you know what I told him?”
“What?”
“That I didn’t want a nice, safe life if it meant a life without you. So I’m willing to put up with what people think and, though I wish those men and women hadn’t had to die, I’m willing to put up with that, too. Just as long as we’re together.”
Doyle slipped his arms around Bodie’s waist. “Not going anywhere.”
Bodie nodded toward the bed. “How about over there?”
With a smile Doyle let his lover draw them toward the bed, leaving a trail of clothes in their wake. Perhaps they had been offered the stars, Doyle thought as he was drawn down on the bed, his lover’s body pressed against his own. But he knew that what he’d gained in their stead was well worth the cost. For who could put a price on joy?
Finis
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-05-16 07:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-17 12:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-17 01:20 am (UTC)I remember being in the theater, watching the first showing of ST: The Motion Picture, and being really upset that Spock had gone to Gol. *g*
no subject
Date: 2011-05-17 11:53 am (UTC)Well, of course! *g* I've never been able to keep any of my pairings apart for very long. ;-)
I remember being in the theater, watching the first showing of ST: The Motion Picture, and being really upset that Spock had gone to Gol. *g*
Upset is a word and a half for it. I was livid! *g* Mostly, I tend to ignore the movies in my stories (I think I've done all of three that followed movie canon.)
no subject
Date: 2011-05-16 08:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-17 12:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-16 08:38 pm (UTC)xx
no subject
Date: 2011-05-17 12:17 am (UTC)