Ties That Bind (K/S) Pt 4 of 4
Jul. 7th, 2008 02:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gilda_eliseTitle: Ties That Bind
Fandom: Star Trek (TOS)
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Notes: Kirk and Spock return to Earth when Starfleet agrees to review their courts martial after Komack’s disgrace. Originally published March 2004 in Beyond Dreams 7. Sequel to "The Exile."
~
“How is he?” Kirk asked nervously. He was sitting in sickbay while the two medical men hovered over him. He looked from the Vulcan healer to his friend. “Bones?”
“He’s not coming out of it, Jim,” McCoy answered. “Sator’s tried, but he’s just not responding.”
“What about me? I’m his bondmate. He should respond to me, especially with this open channel between us.”
“I do not advise it,” Sator intoned. “You are human. Your mind does not have the ability to force a joining. And the pathway I opened between you would be incapable of allowing that level of communication, not at your instigation in any event. It would be Spock’s mind, unconsciously attracted to yours, that would in actuality be creating the link. Thus far, you have been for the most part unaffected by his state. If you were able to meld with him, he would most likely pull you in with him. It is too dangerous.”
“You thought that before, but it didn’t happen. He’s all alone right now. He doesn’t know that he’s safe.” He stood up. “I’ve got to try. If something happens, at least we’ll be together.”
“But you will not be together.” The healer moved to block Kirk’s path. “You will be caught between where you are and where he is. Is that something you are willing to hazard? To be locked in a mental limbo that could last for years? Or do you imagine that Dr. McCoy or I could be called on to take your life?”
“That won’t happen,” Kirk responded.
“You don’t know that!” McCoy exploded. “Damn it, Jim, listen to sense. Spock’s dying. There’s no reason for you to go with him!”
Kirk turned and studied his friend for a moment. “I thought you had accepted what was between me and Spock. I thought you finally understood that much at least.”
“I have. But this is insane. People don’t throw away their lives for love.”
Kirk thought about Christine. Isn’t that exactly what she had done? The phaser blast that had taken her life was meant for Spock. She had used her body to shield his. The burns left by the phaser hit had proved that. What he was willing to attempt at least gave promise of reward. He might get Spock back. She had asked for nothing but forgiveness.
He wanted his lover, alive and whole. The thought of the long, empty years, the place in his mind where Spock once dwelt a dark void, was more than he could imagine. “I’m going in there. Don’t try to stop me.”
The two men looked at him and then at each other. Almost in unison they stepped aside. Kirk only glanced at them as he made his way into the room where his bondmate slept. It was dark and slightly warm. Spock had been dressed in one of those nondescript jumpsuits and Kirk silently thanked whoever had thought to spare his bondmate the humiliation of a gown.
He studied his lover’s face. He truly was beautiful. Spock had inherited the best of both worlds. He was more slightly built than the average Vulcan, his eyebrows more delicate. And his ears were more elegantly shaped, tapering to a fine point rather than the wide flair of most of his people. The universe could not lose him so soon.
Climbing on the bed, Kirk lay on his side next to his lover. He took a deep breath and positioned his hand on Spock’s face. The well-used pathways opened instantly and he found himself being pulled into darkness. He didn’t fight, but let himself be drawn into its depths. He would find Spock, or die trying.
~
Alone. He was alone, and almost used to the darkness. He didn’t know how long he had been here. Perhaps, always. He couldn’t remember what had been before. He didn’t want to remember. It would hurt too much. That he knew.
This place was like a womb, warm and dark and holding him safe from any that would hurt him. So when suddenly there was a spark of light, he looked away from it. Go away. I do not wish the light.
But it would not. It would fade, and for a moment Spock would imagine that he was safe again. But then it would return, to bedevil him once more. He turned into himself even more. Perhaps he could hide from it. But it followed him.
He tried to push it away and felt a vague sensation of disappointment. Disappointment in what? In whom? It moved closer and Spock felt a wave of excitement emanating from it. Then he heard a name.
His curiosity was aroused. Was that who he was? And who had braved the dark to find him? Hesitantly, he uncurled from his sanctuary. The light surged into him.
“Jim!” Spock’s eyes flew open. He was lying on a bed, wrapped in Kirk’s strong embrace.
“You’re back. I knew you’d come back if I asked you to.”
“Jim?” Spock gently pushed his lover away to look into his face. “What is wrong?”
Kirk only smiled and pulled him close again. “Nothing, everything is all right now.”
Spock didn’t press for an answer. He was very tired, and he knew Kirk would tell him in his own good time. It was enough that they were together. It had always been enough and always would be.
~
“Nyota?”
She turned at the sound of her name. A man stood in the doorway, outlined by the light that spilled into the darkened observation room. “Hikaru?”
He cautiously approached her. When he was standing next to her, she saw something in his face she had never thought to see there...uncertainty. It disturbed her. “I didn’t think you had come aboard.”
“Captain Maunder knows that I served with Captain Kirk. He asked if I wanted to visit and I said yes.”
“Is he a good captain?”
Sulu smiled. “Yes, he is. He’s not James Kirk, but he’s pretty damn close. Not too many men would be willing to do what he did just on the word of a first officer he barely knew. I know I’m going to learn a lot from him.”
Uhura moved away and took a seat on the bench nearest the windows. “How soon do you have to go back?”
He followed her over and sat next to her. “We’re going to escort the ship to the nearest starbase. Stovan thinks there might have been some major damage to the engines. He wants to have them checked before they head out again. I can stay until then.”
“I didn’t think the Federation would allow that, what with the injunction against the captain.”
“Nyota, they wouldn’t turn away a crippled ship,” he softly chided. “Besides, I think the ban was temporarily suspended when they called him to Earth.”
“Oh.” They sat quietly after that. Finally the silence became too much for her. “I thought I was going to die.”
“We’ve both been there before.”
“This time was different.”
“How ‘different’?” he asked, clearly puzzled.
“I was alone.”
“You weren’t alone. The captain was there, and McCoy.”
“You’re wrong, Hikaru. They’re not a part of me anymore. Not the way they used to be. I didn’t realize that until I stood there, thinking I was going to die and realizing that I wasn’t where I should have been.”
“Where do you think you should have been?”
She laughed. “I’m not sure. But not here, being nothing but an extension of someone else. I chided Christine for not being able to let go, yet I was basically doing the same thing.”
He took her hand. “I heard about Christine. I’m really sorry.”
“So am I. But I wonder if she would ever have broken away. She was already talking like she wanted to join the ship. Maybe seeing where her blind fixation was leading her had a lot to do with opening my eyes. The only way she could break whatever it was that bound her to an impossible love was to die. I don’t want that for myself.”
“What are you planning on doing?”
“I’ve already done it. I asked to be posted as soon as possible. I don’t need to take all my accumulated shore leave right now. I need to start my life again.”
“The Yorktown could use a good communications officer.”
She looked at him in surprise. “You would be okay with that?”
“Why would I not be okay with that?”
“I thought...I thought with things the way they are between us—”
Sulu grabbed her by the shoulders. “What are you talking about? I love you. I thought you felt the same way.”
“But you left! What was I supposed to think?”
He shook his head in exasperation. “Oh, Nyota, how could you ever think I didn’t love you anymore? You were the one pulling away.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. You weren’t interested any more in anything that didn’t have to do with the Enterprise. You wouldn’t let go.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“What could I say? ‘You’re coming with me, whether you want to or not’? I couldn’t force you to come with me, as much as I wanted to. And I guess I could understand to a certain point why you would want to stay with them. It was exciting on the Enterprise. But I wanted us to make our own excitement.”
“Oh, Hikaru.” She allowed him to pull her into an embrace. It felt so good to be with him again. She hoped she got the posting on the Yorktown. Serving with him again would be wonderful. But if she didn’t, they would work it out somehow. She knew what she wanted now. And nothing would stand in her way ever again.
~
Kirk noted the look of anticipation on Uhura’s face as he walked her to the transporter room. Sulu would be waiting for her there, of course. The Yorktown was on its way to Earth, and Captain Maunder had graciously offered his first officer’s friend a lift home. But more than that, the young woman had finally grabbed hold of her life with both hands.
“Have you heard anything from Starfleet yet?” Kirk asked.
“No, but Hikaru thinks Captain Maunder might put in a good word for me. The two of them have really hit it off.”
Kirk grinned. “Yes, it’s always a good thing to have a close relationship with your first officer.”
Uhura turned with a suprised laugh. “Mr. Spock must be feeling much better for you to be joking about him.”
“He’s getting there.” Kirk sobered for a moment, but then shook his head and a small smile appeared. “I think I’m still giddy with relief. So much could have gone wrong, yet everything turned out exactly right. And I have Sulu’s new captain to thank for that.”
“He is something, isn’t he?”
“I hope Starfleet isn’t too hard on him. He didn’t exactly break regulations by being out there, but it wasn’t part of his patrol area, either.” Kirk had never been so glad to see anything as he was the Constitution class ship that greeted his slowly clearing vision after the explosion of the Romulan vessel. A slender man with straw-colored hair had introduced himself as her captain and then motioned someone else into view. Sulu had appeared, grinning like the cat who ate the canary.
They had led Kirk’s ship to the nearest starbase. It had taken five days. Stovan had refused to allow the ship above warp two. In that time, when not haunting sickbay and making a general nuisance of himself as he impatiently waited for Spock to be released, he’d come to know the Yorktown’s captain. A quiet man, he’d impressed Kirk with a calm demeanor that masked a will of iron. He could well understand Sulu’s quick attachment to the man.
“Hikaru doesn’t seem to be worried,” Uhura announced, pulling Kirk’s attention back to her. “Maelon’s father is well-placed in the Vulcan Council. That should count for something.”
The young Vulcan had been the only other survivor and had shared quarters with their communications officer during his stay. Maelon’s swift recovery from the abuses he’d suffered had surprised them all. He had left for Vulcan within the last hour. The young man was heir to an old and important clan. And though Sator had insisted there was no residual damage, Maelon’s family had insisted on his immediate return. A long-range shuttle had been waiting for him at the starbase.
“Well, I’m not so sure I’m going to let Stenn off the hook so easily.” Kirk was only half joking. It probably wouldn’t have changed his course of action, but knowing back-up was available would have been nice. “I would have appreciated him telling me that he and Sulu were still in contact with each other. Anyway, I’m just glad it’s all over and we can get back to normal.” Kirk had Spock back. Now it was time to get back to their lives.
Uhura stopped as they approached the doors to the transporter room. “I hope we’ll see you again someday.”
Kirk took her hands in his. “It’s a big universe, Nyota. But I can’t imagine our paths will never cross.”
She blinked back tears and tried to smile. “How can I be so happy, yet so sad at the same time?”
“It’s hard to let go, sometimes. Even when it’s for the best. But it’s time.”
“I’m going to miss you all so much—you and Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy.”
He kissed her lightly on the forehead and then turned her toward the door. “Come on, Nyota. Your future’s waiting.”
~
Kirk tried to be as quiet as he could as he entered his cabin. The room was dark but for a small lamp that dimly illuminated the sleeping area. Spock was asleep and Kirk wanted him to stay that way. His lover had been released from sickbay, but he still had not fully recovered from his ordeal. McCoy and Sator had given in under his and Spock’s combined onslaught, but only after Kirk had promised to make sure Spock rested.
So rest is what the Vulcan had been doing for the last two days. Or trying to, anyway. Since his first night back on the ship, Spock had slept poorly. While his lover was still in sickbay, Kirk had taken to sleeping in a chair next to the bed. Spock’s moans of fear, as he’d thrashed his way to consciousness, had awakened Kirk more than once. Mornings would find both of them exhausted. The situation was only slowly getting better.
Yet he had noticed a lessening of the lines that had cut into Spock’s face and emphasized the weight loss Spock could ill-afford. And while the night before had been almost as bad as the previous ones, the Vulcan had slept most of the day. It was a good sign.
So it was with a sense of relief that Kirk undressed and slid in next to his lover. He left the light on, propping himself up on one elbow and gazing his fill of the Vulcan. He had tried imagining what it would have been like if they hadn’t found Spock. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t imagine lying here alone without Spock’s strength and support to call on, without the soul-deep connection that had made them one. He could just as well imagine living without his heart.
But they had come so close, again, to losing each other. It was impossible for Kirk to not reach out and lightly touch Spock’s face, to let his fingers slowly travel up to the Vulcan’s temple and then to the strands of dark, silky hair that covered his brow in uncharacteristic disarray. Kirk closed his eyes and held his breath, fighting the wave of emotions that threatened to inundate him. This being was so precious to him.
“Jim?”
His eyes flew open. Spock looked up at him with a curious mixture of concern and amusement. Kirk smiled and tried to feel guilt. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It is of no consequence.”
“Oh, yes, it is.” He grabbed the covers and snugged them more tightly around the Vulcan. “You won’t get better if you don’t get enough rest.”
“That is not true. I am already better.”
“That’s because you’ve slept practically the whole day away. Nyota and Hikaru wanted to say goodbye, but you were sleeping so soundly...”
“They are gone?”
Kirk nodded. “They left about thirty minutes ago. It’s just us chickens now.”
Still half asleep, Spock frowned in confusion. “ ‘Chickens,’ ?”
“It means only the regular crew is left.”
“One might have said so to begin with.”
“You’re no fun. Come on,” Kirk turned over to face away from Spock and nestled against his body. “Time for sleep.”
The lights slowly dimmed. Kirk could feel sleep creeping up on him when Spock’s hand moved down from where it had settled against Kirk’s chest to splay against his belly. The long fingers carded into his pubic hair and then wrapped themselves around his cock.
“What are you doing?”
“I no longer require sleep.” Spock’s hand tightened its hold.
“It’s too soon. Bones wants you to rest.” Kirk tried pushing his lover’s hand away, to no avail. Spock continued his fondling until Kirk’s organ was full and heavy.
“You do not wish this?”
Kirk knew he couldn’t turn down the invitation in those words. Half seductive question, half innocent plea, it made clear just how much Spock wanted this. Almost as much as I do.
Though little more than a week since they had last made love, it seemed to Kirk that it had been far longer. Worry had driven his body’s need into hiding. But with his lover’s hand caressing him and the Vulcan’s shaft nudging against his buttocks, Kirk was unable to stop himself. His hips began to move, sliding his cock in and out of the hot fist encasing it. He started to bring his hand around to return the favor.
“No,” Spock pushed it away, “do nothing but take the pleasure I bring you.”
“Why?” Kirk whispered as his eyes closed.
“Alone in my mind, I hungered for the feel of you. I wish to feel you now, to comprehend that I have not lost what I feared never to know again.”
Then he was putty in Spock’s hands. The Vulcan knew where to touch to stoke his desire to a fever pitch. Hot fingers grazed Kirk’s chest, and his nipples ached from his lover’s rough caress. He shivered when Spock’s mouth nuzzled against him and bit the tender skin of his shoulders and neck. Kirk turned his head into his lover’s kiss and arched back into the demanding embrace.
When it grew to be too much, when he felt he would come at any moment, Spock would stop and let him gather his breath. Then it would start again, and then again, so that Kirk was not totally aware when he was turned on his stomach.
“T’hy’la, pull your legs in,” Spock whispered as his hands settled on Kirk’s hips.
Kirk grabbed his pillow and tucked it under his chest and face. His hips were lifted until he settled on his knees. Spock’s hands shifted to his buttocks and spread his cheeks. Kirk moaned and a shiver passed through him when he felt the Vulcan’s hot, wet tongue press at the entrance to his body. It slowly circled the sensitive tissue of his anus until Kirk was squirming with need. When it finally stabbed into him he cried out and thrust back, demanding more of the oral caresses. He could feel his anal muscles relax under the moist probe’s tender applications as it prepared him for entry.
Finally it stopped and he felt the shift of the bed as Spock resettled his weight. His fingers dug more firmly into Kirk’s flesh, spreading him wider as the blunt head of the Vulcan’s cock opened him. Slowly, the bar of flesh pierced him, and with each inch he could hear Spock’s gasps of pleasure as he pushed himself further in.
Kirk pushed back and felt Spock’s testicles settle against his ass. Slowly at first, and then with gaining speed his lover bore into him, as if to bury his cock as deep within Kirk’s body as he could. Kirk lifted his ass and welcomed the shaft that filled him.
Then Spock was pounding into him. Kirk braced himself against the buffetting that brought sparks of pleasure every time the heavy organ slid across his prostate. Just when he thought he could take no more, Spock stopped and fell forward to cover his body with his own. He circled Kirk’s waist and pulled them tightly together as he took Kirk’s penis into his hand. The other, he lightly laid on Kirk’s face.
For long seconds they waited as Spock’s being slowly permeated his own. Kirk could hear his lover’s gasping breaths at his ear while Spock’s mind embraced him. The hand on his penis stroked from base to tip and Kirk’s hips began to undulate. Spock started to move also, his cock pistoning into Kirk’s eager channel.
His lover was inside him, body and soul, and Kirk felt like they were flying, going ever higher until they reached that place that was only the two of them. They soared in unison, locked in a frenzy of motion. Too soon, he heard the Vulcan cry out and Kirk felt his insides suffused with the Vulcan’s semen. Waves of Spock’s orgasm broke over him as the softening organ continued to move in and out and his cock was expertly fondled. Then, in an explosion of white-hot need and desire, Kirk moaned his lover’s name and let his own climax wash over him.
When he was completely himself again, it was with the heavy weight of Spock’s body pressing him to the bed. The cover beneath was sticky with semen. He nudged at his lover who softly grunted and rolled off. Kirk turned his head toward the Vulcan and smiled.
“I guess Bones was wrong.”
“The good doctor was not aware that what I truly needed to be whole again was your presense.”
“I missed you, too. I’d forgotten what it was like not to have you at my side. I don’t ever want it to happen again.”
“Life holds no guarantees, Jim. But as long as it is in my power to do so, it is where I will remain. You are home to me.”
Kirk pushed himself up and sat cross-legged at his lover’s side. “We’re home to each other. Nothing can change that...not even death.”
“Jim-”
“No, Spock. If our experiences have taught me anything, it’s that no matter the circumstances, some way, somehow, we’ll always find our way back to each other. We’re an inevitablility.”
The Vulcan seem to think about Kirk’s words for a moment. Finally, he nodded his head in agreement. “We do seem to be stuck with each other,” he teased.
With a grin, Kirk unfolded himself and took Spock’s hand to pull him up from the bed. “Come on. ‘Stuck’ is the operative word. I’m a mess and so are you. Let’s take a shower.”
Later, their bodies clean and the bedding changed, they took their rest in each others arms. And not once during the night, did they part.
~
“Approaching RP1485, sir.”
“Thank you, Stenn.” Spock nodded to the helmsman and then turned to communications. “Has the captain been informed, Sukar?”
The turbo doors opened at that moment. “Right here, Spock.” Kirk strode onto the bridge and took the seat as Spock vacated it. “Standard orbit, Stenn.”
Spock did not return to his station but rather stood next to his captain. The blue-green planet slowly filled the front view-screen as the ship slipped into orbit. Spock almost smiled at the excitement he felt radiating from his lover.
Kirk looked up and chuckled. “Sorry, but for awhile there I didn’t think I’d ever see this place again. I’ve got plans for it, remember?”
“I do, indeed. I assume you have notified Starfleet of our decision?”
Kirk nodded. A message forwarded from home had brought the news of their exoneration that morning. The choice they had finally made had been difficult and not without some regret. “I told them as long as they couldn’t guarantee us posting to the same ship we’d have to decline their offer to return. Besides, they’re still working on changing the rules regarding same-sex partners.”
“I was under the impression that the amendment to regulations is to be voted on next week and that affirmation is considered certain.”
“It is.” Kirk leaned back and rubbed his chin in thought. “I’m grateful to the Federation. But it’s just that right now I think we can do more good where we are. And Vulcan deserves just as much gratitude...if not more.”
“Yet, there are those you will miss,” Spock noted.
“Yes, but they have their own lives to think of. I don’t think they’re going to miss their old captain for very long. And as for the Enterprise, she has a new captain now.”
Spock knew what he thought of their old ship’s new captain. Will Decker was a competent officer. But Spock did not believe he had the qualities needed to run a ship. His command of the Enterprise would not be noteworthy. “The Enterprise will always be yours.”
“And maybe someday I’ll reclaim her. But not today, and not without you.”
Spock inclined his head and their gazes locked for long seconds. Finally, with a smile, Kirk turned away, his attention drawn back to the viewscreen. Spock looked up, and as one they watched their future approach.
~
Finis
Fandom: Star Trek (TOS)
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Notes: Kirk and Spock return to Earth when Starfleet agrees to review their courts martial after Komack’s disgrace. Originally published March 2004 in Beyond Dreams 7. Sequel to "The Exile."
~
“How is he?” Kirk asked nervously. He was sitting in sickbay while the two medical men hovered over him. He looked from the Vulcan healer to his friend. “Bones?”
“He’s not coming out of it, Jim,” McCoy answered. “Sator’s tried, but he’s just not responding.”
“What about me? I’m his bondmate. He should respond to me, especially with this open channel between us.”
“I do not advise it,” Sator intoned. “You are human. Your mind does not have the ability to force a joining. And the pathway I opened between you would be incapable of allowing that level of communication, not at your instigation in any event. It would be Spock’s mind, unconsciously attracted to yours, that would in actuality be creating the link. Thus far, you have been for the most part unaffected by his state. If you were able to meld with him, he would most likely pull you in with him. It is too dangerous.”
“You thought that before, but it didn’t happen. He’s all alone right now. He doesn’t know that he’s safe.” He stood up. “I’ve got to try. If something happens, at least we’ll be together.”
“But you will not be together.” The healer moved to block Kirk’s path. “You will be caught between where you are and where he is. Is that something you are willing to hazard? To be locked in a mental limbo that could last for years? Or do you imagine that Dr. McCoy or I could be called on to take your life?”
“That won’t happen,” Kirk responded.
“You don’t know that!” McCoy exploded. “Damn it, Jim, listen to sense. Spock’s dying. There’s no reason for you to go with him!”
Kirk turned and studied his friend for a moment. “I thought you had accepted what was between me and Spock. I thought you finally understood that much at least.”
“I have. But this is insane. People don’t throw away their lives for love.”
Kirk thought about Christine. Isn’t that exactly what she had done? The phaser blast that had taken her life was meant for Spock. She had used her body to shield his. The burns left by the phaser hit had proved that. What he was willing to attempt at least gave promise of reward. He might get Spock back. She had asked for nothing but forgiveness.
He wanted his lover, alive and whole. The thought of the long, empty years, the place in his mind where Spock once dwelt a dark void, was more than he could imagine. “I’m going in there. Don’t try to stop me.”
The two men looked at him and then at each other. Almost in unison they stepped aside. Kirk only glanced at them as he made his way into the room where his bondmate slept. It was dark and slightly warm. Spock had been dressed in one of those nondescript jumpsuits and Kirk silently thanked whoever had thought to spare his bondmate the humiliation of a gown.
He studied his lover’s face. He truly was beautiful. Spock had inherited the best of both worlds. He was more slightly built than the average Vulcan, his eyebrows more delicate. And his ears were more elegantly shaped, tapering to a fine point rather than the wide flair of most of his people. The universe could not lose him so soon.
Climbing on the bed, Kirk lay on his side next to his lover. He took a deep breath and positioned his hand on Spock’s face. The well-used pathways opened instantly and he found himself being pulled into darkness. He didn’t fight, but let himself be drawn into its depths. He would find Spock, or die trying.
~
Alone. He was alone, and almost used to the darkness. He didn’t know how long he had been here. Perhaps, always. He couldn’t remember what had been before. He didn’t want to remember. It would hurt too much. That he knew.
This place was like a womb, warm and dark and holding him safe from any that would hurt him. So when suddenly there was a spark of light, he looked away from it. Go away. I do not wish the light.
But it would not. It would fade, and for a moment Spock would imagine that he was safe again. But then it would return, to bedevil him once more. He turned into himself even more. Perhaps he could hide from it. But it followed him.
He tried to push it away and felt a vague sensation of disappointment. Disappointment in what? In whom? It moved closer and Spock felt a wave of excitement emanating from it. Then he heard a name.
His curiosity was aroused. Was that who he was? And who had braved the dark to find him? Hesitantly, he uncurled from his sanctuary. The light surged into him.
“Jim!” Spock’s eyes flew open. He was lying on a bed, wrapped in Kirk’s strong embrace.
“You’re back. I knew you’d come back if I asked you to.”
“Jim?” Spock gently pushed his lover away to look into his face. “What is wrong?”
Kirk only smiled and pulled him close again. “Nothing, everything is all right now.”
Spock didn’t press for an answer. He was very tired, and he knew Kirk would tell him in his own good time. It was enough that they were together. It had always been enough and always would be.
~
“Nyota?”
She turned at the sound of her name. A man stood in the doorway, outlined by the light that spilled into the darkened observation room. “Hikaru?”
He cautiously approached her. When he was standing next to her, she saw something in his face she had never thought to see there...uncertainty. It disturbed her. “I didn’t think you had come aboard.”
“Captain Maunder knows that I served with Captain Kirk. He asked if I wanted to visit and I said yes.”
“Is he a good captain?”
Sulu smiled. “Yes, he is. He’s not James Kirk, but he’s pretty damn close. Not too many men would be willing to do what he did just on the word of a first officer he barely knew. I know I’m going to learn a lot from him.”
Uhura moved away and took a seat on the bench nearest the windows. “How soon do you have to go back?”
He followed her over and sat next to her. “We’re going to escort the ship to the nearest starbase. Stovan thinks there might have been some major damage to the engines. He wants to have them checked before they head out again. I can stay until then.”
“I didn’t think the Federation would allow that, what with the injunction against the captain.”
“Nyota, they wouldn’t turn away a crippled ship,” he softly chided. “Besides, I think the ban was temporarily suspended when they called him to Earth.”
“Oh.” They sat quietly after that. Finally the silence became too much for her. “I thought I was going to die.”
“We’ve both been there before.”
“This time was different.”
“How ‘different’?” he asked, clearly puzzled.
“I was alone.”
“You weren’t alone. The captain was there, and McCoy.”
“You’re wrong, Hikaru. They’re not a part of me anymore. Not the way they used to be. I didn’t realize that until I stood there, thinking I was going to die and realizing that I wasn’t where I should have been.”
“Where do you think you should have been?”
She laughed. “I’m not sure. But not here, being nothing but an extension of someone else. I chided Christine for not being able to let go, yet I was basically doing the same thing.”
He took her hand. “I heard about Christine. I’m really sorry.”
“So am I. But I wonder if she would ever have broken away. She was already talking like she wanted to join the ship. Maybe seeing where her blind fixation was leading her had a lot to do with opening my eyes. The only way she could break whatever it was that bound her to an impossible love was to die. I don’t want that for myself.”
“What are you planning on doing?”
“I’ve already done it. I asked to be posted as soon as possible. I don’t need to take all my accumulated shore leave right now. I need to start my life again.”
“The Yorktown could use a good communications officer.”
She looked at him in surprise. “You would be okay with that?”
“Why would I not be okay with that?”
“I thought...I thought with things the way they are between us—”
Sulu grabbed her by the shoulders. “What are you talking about? I love you. I thought you felt the same way.”
“But you left! What was I supposed to think?”
He shook his head in exasperation. “Oh, Nyota, how could you ever think I didn’t love you anymore? You were the one pulling away.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. You weren’t interested any more in anything that didn’t have to do with the Enterprise. You wouldn’t let go.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
“What could I say? ‘You’re coming with me, whether you want to or not’? I couldn’t force you to come with me, as much as I wanted to. And I guess I could understand to a certain point why you would want to stay with them. It was exciting on the Enterprise. But I wanted us to make our own excitement.”
“Oh, Hikaru.” She allowed him to pull her into an embrace. It felt so good to be with him again. She hoped she got the posting on the Yorktown. Serving with him again would be wonderful. But if she didn’t, they would work it out somehow. She knew what she wanted now. And nothing would stand in her way ever again.
~
Kirk noted the look of anticipation on Uhura’s face as he walked her to the transporter room. Sulu would be waiting for her there, of course. The Yorktown was on its way to Earth, and Captain Maunder had graciously offered his first officer’s friend a lift home. But more than that, the young woman had finally grabbed hold of her life with both hands.
“Have you heard anything from Starfleet yet?” Kirk asked.
“No, but Hikaru thinks Captain Maunder might put in a good word for me. The two of them have really hit it off.”
Kirk grinned. “Yes, it’s always a good thing to have a close relationship with your first officer.”
Uhura turned with a suprised laugh. “Mr. Spock must be feeling much better for you to be joking about him.”
“He’s getting there.” Kirk sobered for a moment, but then shook his head and a small smile appeared. “I think I’m still giddy with relief. So much could have gone wrong, yet everything turned out exactly right. And I have Sulu’s new captain to thank for that.”
“He is something, isn’t he?”
“I hope Starfleet isn’t too hard on him. He didn’t exactly break regulations by being out there, but it wasn’t part of his patrol area, either.” Kirk had never been so glad to see anything as he was the Constitution class ship that greeted his slowly clearing vision after the explosion of the Romulan vessel. A slender man with straw-colored hair had introduced himself as her captain and then motioned someone else into view. Sulu had appeared, grinning like the cat who ate the canary.
They had led Kirk’s ship to the nearest starbase. It had taken five days. Stovan had refused to allow the ship above warp two. In that time, when not haunting sickbay and making a general nuisance of himself as he impatiently waited for Spock to be released, he’d come to know the Yorktown’s captain. A quiet man, he’d impressed Kirk with a calm demeanor that masked a will of iron. He could well understand Sulu’s quick attachment to the man.
“Hikaru doesn’t seem to be worried,” Uhura announced, pulling Kirk’s attention back to her. “Maelon’s father is well-placed in the Vulcan Council. That should count for something.”
The young Vulcan had been the only other survivor and had shared quarters with their communications officer during his stay. Maelon’s swift recovery from the abuses he’d suffered had surprised them all. He had left for Vulcan within the last hour. The young man was heir to an old and important clan. And though Sator had insisted there was no residual damage, Maelon’s family had insisted on his immediate return. A long-range shuttle had been waiting for him at the starbase.
“Well, I’m not so sure I’m going to let Stenn off the hook so easily.” Kirk was only half joking. It probably wouldn’t have changed his course of action, but knowing back-up was available would have been nice. “I would have appreciated him telling me that he and Sulu were still in contact with each other. Anyway, I’m just glad it’s all over and we can get back to normal.” Kirk had Spock back. Now it was time to get back to their lives.
Uhura stopped as they approached the doors to the transporter room. “I hope we’ll see you again someday.”
Kirk took her hands in his. “It’s a big universe, Nyota. But I can’t imagine our paths will never cross.”
She blinked back tears and tried to smile. “How can I be so happy, yet so sad at the same time?”
“It’s hard to let go, sometimes. Even when it’s for the best. But it’s time.”
“I’m going to miss you all so much—you and Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy.”
He kissed her lightly on the forehead and then turned her toward the door. “Come on, Nyota. Your future’s waiting.”
~
Kirk tried to be as quiet as he could as he entered his cabin. The room was dark but for a small lamp that dimly illuminated the sleeping area. Spock was asleep and Kirk wanted him to stay that way. His lover had been released from sickbay, but he still had not fully recovered from his ordeal. McCoy and Sator had given in under his and Spock’s combined onslaught, but only after Kirk had promised to make sure Spock rested.
So rest is what the Vulcan had been doing for the last two days. Or trying to, anyway. Since his first night back on the ship, Spock had slept poorly. While his lover was still in sickbay, Kirk had taken to sleeping in a chair next to the bed. Spock’s moans of fear, as he’d thrashed his way to consciousness, had awakened Kirk more than once. Mornings would find both of them exhausted. The situation was only slowly getting better.
Yet he had noticed a lessening of the lines that had cut into Spock’s face and emphasized the weight loss Spock could ill-afford. And while the night before had been almost as bad as the previous ones, the Vulcan had slept most of the day. It was a good sign.
So it was with a sense of relief that Kirk undressed and slid in next to his lover. He left the light on, propping himself up on one elbow and gazing his fill of the Vulcan. He had tried imagining what it would have been like if they hadn’t found Spock. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t imagine lying here alone without Spock’s strength and support to call on, without the soul-deep connection that had made them one. He could just as well imagine living without his heart.
But they had come so close, again, to losing each other. It was impossible for Kirk to not reach out and lightly touch Spock’s face, to let his fingers slowly travel up to the Vulcan’s temple and then to the strands of dark, silky hair that covered his brow in uncharacteristic disarray. Kirk closed his eyes and held his breath, fighting the wave of emotions that threatened to inundate him. This being was so precious to him.
“Jim?”
His eyes flew open. Spock looked up at him with a curious mixture of concern and amusement. Kirk smiled and tried to feel guilt. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“It is of no consequence.”
“Oh, yes, it is.” He grabbed the covers and snugged them more tightly around the Vulcan. “You won’t get better if you don’t get enough rest.”
“That is not true. I am already better.”
“That’s because you’ve slept practically the whole day away. Nyota and Hikaru wanted to say goodbye, but you were sleeping so soundly...”
“They are gone?”
Kirk nodded. “They left about thirty minutes ago. It’s just us chickens now.”
Still half asleep, Spock frowned in confusion. “ ‘Chickens,’ ?”
“It means only the regular crew is left.”
“One might have said so to begin with.”
“You’re no fun. Come on,” Kirk turned over to face away from Spock and nestled against his body. “Time for sleep.”
The lights slowly dimmed. Kirk could feel sleep creeping up on him when Spock’s hand moved down from where it had settled against Kirk’s chest to splay against his belly. The long fingers carded into his pubic hair and then wrapped themselves around his cock.
“What are you doing?”
“I no longer require sleep.” Spock’s hand tightened its hold.
“It’s too soon. Bones wants you to rest.” Kirk tried pushing his lover’s hand away, to no avail. Spock continued his fondling until Kirk’s organ was full and heavy.
“You do not wish this?”
Kirk knew he couldn’t turn down the invitation in those words. Half seductive question, half innocent plea, it made clear just how much Spock wanted this. Almost as much as I do.
Though little more than a week since they had last made love, it seemed to Kirk that it had been far longer. Worry had driven his body’s need into hiding. But with his lover’s hand caressing him and the Vulcan’s shaft nudging against his buttocks, Kirk was unable to stop himself. His hips began to move, sliding his cock in and out of the hot fist encasing it. He started to bring his hand around to return the favor.
“No,” Spock pushed it away, “do nothing but take the pleasure I bring you.”
“Why?” Kirk whispered as his eyes closed.
“Alone in my mind, I hungered for the feel of you. I wish to feel you now, to comprehend that I have not lost what I feared never to know again.”
Then he was putty in Spock’s hands. The Vulcan knew where to touch to stoke his desire to a fever pitch. Hot fingers grazed Kirk’s chest, and his nipples ached from his lover’s rough caress. He shivered when Spock’s mouth nuzzled against him and bit the tender skin of his shoulders and neck. Kirk turned his head into his lover’s kiss and arched back into the demanding embrace.
When it grew to be too much, when he felt he would come at any moment, Spock would stop and let him gather his breath. Then it would start again, and then again, so that Kirk was not totally aware when he was turned on his stomach.
“T’hy’la, pull your legs in,” Spock whispered as his hands settled on Kirk’s hips.
Kirk grabbed his pillow and tucked it under his chest and face. His hips were lifted until he settled on his knees. Spock’s hands shifted to his buttocks and spread his cheeks. Kirk moaned and a shiver passed through him when he felt the Vulcan’s hot, wet tongue press at the entrance to his body. It slowly circled the sensitive tissue of his anus until Kirk was squirming with need. When it finally stabbed into him he cried out and thrust back, demanding more of the oral caresses. He could feel his anal muscles relax under the moist probe’s tender applications as it prepared him for entry.
Finally it stopped and he felt the shift of the bed as Spock resettled his weight. His fingers dug more firmly into Kirk’s flesh, spreading him wider as the blunt head of the Vulcan’s cock opened him. Slowly, the bar of flesh pierced him, and with each inch he could hear Spock’s gasps of pleasure as he pushed himself further in.
Kirk pushed back and felt Spock’s testicles settle against his ass. Slowly at first, and then with gaining speed his lover bore into him, as if to bury his cock as deep within Kirk’s body as he could. Kirk lifted his ass and welcomed the shaft that filled him.
Then Spock was pounding into him. Kirk braced himself against the buffetting that brought sparks of pleasure every time the heavy organ slid across his prostate. Just when he thought he could take no more, Spock stopped and fell forward to cover his body with his own. He circled Kirk’s waist and pulled them tightly together as he took Kirk’s penis into his hand. The other, he lightly laid on Kirk’s face.
For long seconds they waited as Spock’s being slowly permeated his own. Kirk could hear his lover’s gasping breaths at his ear while Spock’s mind embraced him. The hand on his penis stroked from base to tip and Kirk’s hips began to undulate. Spock started to move also, his cock pistoning into Kirk’s eager channel.
His lover was inside him, body and soul, and Kirk felt like they were flying, going ever higher until they reached that place that was only the two of them. They soared in unison, locked in a frenzy of motion. Too soon, he heard the Vulcan cry out and Kirk felt his insides suffused with the Vulcan’s semen. Waves of Spock’s orgasm broke over him as the softening organ continued to move in and out and his cock was expertly fondled. Then, in an explosion of white-hot need and desire, Kirk moaned his lover’s name and let his own climax wash over him.
When he was completely himself again, it was with the heavy weight of Spock’s body pressing him to the bed. The cover beneath was sticky with semen. He nudged at his lover who softly grunted and rolled off. Kirk turned his head toward the Vulcan and smiled.
“I guess Bones was wrong.”
“The good doctor was not aware that what I truly needed to be whole again was your presense.”
“I missed you, too. I’d forgotten what it was like not to have you at my side. I don’t ever want it to happen again.”
“Life holds no guarantees, Jim. But as long as it is in my power to do so, it is where I will remain. You are home to me.”
Kirk pushed himself up and sat cross-legged at his lover’s side. “We’re home to each other. Nothing can change that...not even death.”
“Jim-”
“No, Spock. If our experiences have taught me anything, it’s that no matter the circumstances, some way, somehow, we’ll always find our way back to each other. We’re an inevitablility.”
The Vulcan seem to think about Kirk’s words for a moment. Finally, he nodded his head in agreement. “We do seem to be stuck with each other,” he teased.
With a grin, Kirk unfolded himself and took Spock’s hand to pull him up from the bed. “Come on. ‘Stuck’ is the operative word. I’m a mess and so are you. Let’s take a shower.”
Later, their bodies clean and the bedding changed, they took their rest in each others arms. And not once during the night, did they part.
~
“Approaching RP1485, sir.”
“Thank you, Stenn.” Spock nodded to the helmsman and then turned to communications. “Has the captain been informed, Sukar?”
The turbo doors opened at that moment. “Right here, Spock.” Kirk strode onto the bridge and took the seat as Spock vacated it. “Standard orbit, Stenn.”
Spock did not return to his station but rather stood next to his captain. The blue-green planet slowly filled the front view-screen as the ship slipped into orbit. Spock almost smiled at the excitement he felt radiating from his lover.
Kirk looked up and chuckled. “Sorry, but for awhile there I didn’t think I’d ever see this place again. I’ve got plans for it, remember?”
“I do, indeed. I assume you have notified Starfleet of our decision?”
Kirk nodded. A message forwarded from home had brought the news of their exoneration that morning. The choice they had finally made had been difficult and not without some regret. “I told them as long as they couldn’t guarantee us posting to the same ship we’d have to decline their offer to return. Besides, they’re still working on changing the rules regarding same-sex partners.”
“I was under the impression that the amendment to regulations is to be voted on next week and that affirmation is considered certain.”
“It is.” Kirk leaned back and rubbed his chin in thought. “I’m grateful to the Federation. But it’s just that right now I think we can do more good where we are. And Vulcan deserves just as much gratitude...if not more.”
“Yet, there are those you will miss,” Spock noted.
“Yes, but they have their own lives to think of. I don’t think they’re going to miss their old captain for very long. And as for the Enterprise, she has a new captain now.”
Spock knew what he thought of their old ship’s new captain. Will Decker was a competent officer. But Spock did not believe he had the qualities needed to run a ship. His command of the Enterprise would not be noteworthy. “The Enterprise will always be yours.”
“And maybe someday I’ll reclaim her. But not today, and not without you.”
Spock inclined his head and their gazes locked for long seconds. Finally, with a smile, Kirk turned away, his attention drawn back to the viewscreen. Spock looked up, and as one they watched their future approach.
~
Finis
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no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 02:17 am (UTC)The only thing I thought was missing here was some mention of Christine's sacrifice, some small scene between Kirk and Spock or maybe with McCoy.
Anyway, great job with this story!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 10:32 am (UTC)Maybe. ;-) I'm working on the fourth story right now and he still isn't sure. Come to think of it, neither am I!
The only thing I thought was missing here was some mention of Christine's sacrifice, some small scene between Kirk and Spock or maybe with McCoy.
It's been a few years since I wrote the story but I'm thinking I probably couldn't work an entire scene around just that or manage to keep it within the flow of the story.
Anyway, great job with this story!
Thanks, again! I'm really glad you took the time to read through the entire thing (I do seem to be rather long winded when it comes to writing, *g*) and let me know you enjoyed it.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-09 02:05 pm (UTC)Well done!
no subject
Date: 2008-07-10 01:48 am (UTC)Yeah, I've got some comments to that effect. But I've got about as many from those who don't want them to go back at all. Me, I haven't decided yet. :-)
Well done!
Thanks again, for reading and commenting.
no subject
Date: 2008-07-14 02:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-07-15 04:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-05-11 11:33 am (UTC)Especially do I adore the fact that even after they're caught (which was so incredibly tense and well created) there's never a doubt that they will stand by each other, not a doubt at all. And that's wonderful and how I see K/S too. I've come accross some authors who don't quite see it like that and I'm very happy you do :)
Have I mentioned how gripping it was? Ties That Bind I read almost without breathing, jumping up and down with excitement. (Literally, ask my cats - they looked at me like I'd just gone crazy)
I liked all the little side stories and you totally got me with Chapel. And then when the Yorktown appears!!! OMG, that is so Star Trek!!!
It was really a pleasure to read this and I thank you for writing! I felt the love between the lines and it let my love for them even grow. If that's possible at all.
Again thank you for this!!
T'Racionn
no subject
Date: 2010-05-11 09:51 pm (UTC)I'm so glad you're enjoying the series, though that's a lot of reading for one day!
Especially do I adore the fact that even after they're caught (which was so incredibly tense and well created) there's never a doubt that they will stand by each other, not a doubt at all. And that's wonderful and how I see K/S too. I've come accross some authors who don't quite see it like that and I'm very happy you do :)
Oh, I most certainly do. But I really do have to see that between any slash couple I write about. If it's not there, why would I slash them? And it's most definitely there between Kirk and Spock. :-)
Have I mentioned how gripping it was? Ties That Bind I read almost without breathing, jumping up and down with excitement. (Literally, ask my cats - they looked at me like I'd just gone crazy)
Lol, your poor cats!
I liked all the little side stories and you totally got me with Chapel. And then when the Yorktown appears!!! OMG, that is so Star Trek!!!
I was surprised how many comments I've received about Chapel. People may not want her with Spock, but it seems she's basically a likable character.
It was really a pleasure to read this and I thank you for writing! I felt the love between the lines and it let my love for them even grow. If that's possible at all.
Thank you! For reading and for your wonderful comments!
no subject
Date: 2010-05-12 07:44 am (UTC)And thank you for your feedback feedback :)
T'Racionn
no subject
Date: 2010-05-13 10:28 am (UTC)