Future Imperfect (K/S) Pt 7 of 13

[gilda_elise]

Title: Future Imperfect
Fandom: Star Trek (TOS)
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Summary: In the ruins of one world, two men of different planets meet. One looks to the future, one to the past. But as their lives intertwine, they find that their happiness is dependent on the past one seeks and the future the other fights for.
Notes: Originally published by Kathy Resch as a stand-alone novel. Artwork by Lorraine Brevig and Virginia Sky.

Many thanks to artconserv and cluesby4 for allowing me to post their beautiful artwork here.






Chapter 7

It was still raining when the soft filtering of light broke through the clouds, the only indication that it was indeed morning. Spock gazed down at the man in his arms. Kirk had woken in the middle of the night and they had made love again, wordlessly, as if afraid of what might be said to spoil the moment. It brought a tentativeness to their love making and, Spock feared, to the rest of their time together. He supposed it would have been surprising if it had not.

Kirk opened his eyes. “What time is it?”

“Almost six.”

Kirk sat up and stretched. He gazed out the window. “Looks like it’s going to be another rainy day.” He frowned. “Any more of this and the lettuce is going to rot.”

“Perhaps the weather will soon clear.”

“I hope so.” Kirk pushed the covers aside and got up, wrapping himself in his robe. “I’ll meet you downstairs for breakfast but right now I think I need a bath.”

“That would be acceptable.”

Kirk hesitated, then leaned over and gave Spock a kiss. “See you in a little while,” he said before walking over to the door and slipping out.

Though Spock understood Kirk’s unease regarding the rain, he found that he could not but be grateful for its continuance, for it meant that Kirk would once again spend most of the day inside. After breakfast, when Spock and Winona had retired to the library, Kirk had joined them.

It had been an oddly pleasurable experience. The rain continued, sometimes little more than a mist but then turning into a downpour. Inside, lanterns cast a warm hue through the room, where often the only sound was of a page being turned. It was as if they were in their own little world, divorced from all that was tearing them apart.

They broke for lunch, though Winona did not join them. She appeared distracted, merely waving them away and continuing to read. Kirk looked at Spock and shrugged, and then led him to the kitchen.

They decided on a meal and then sat down at the table. They were still sitting there, enjoying a cup of coffee and a piece of pastry when Winona entered. She had an odd look on her face and had clearly been crying.

“Mom, what is it?” Kirk stood and went over to his mother’s side.

She didn’t say anything to him. Instead she walked over and handed Spock the book she had been carrying.

“Read this.(4) Start at the top of the first page and read through the rest of the chapter.”

Spock took the book. He gave Winona a questioning look but she only shook her head and motioned toward the book. He glanced at the title and then opened the book to the bookmark inserted within its pages and began to read. As he completed each page his dismay deepened. When he was finished he closed the book and handed it back to her.

“This is the answer, isn’t it?” she asked.

Spock reluctantly nodded. “I believe so. Though there is no way to prove it beyond all doubt, it is the one thing that answers all our questions.”

“What? What is it?” Kirk asked.

“Tell him because I don’t think I have the stomach for it,” Winona responded, and then sat down at the table and rested her head in her hands.

“Spock?” Kirk looked at his mother and then at Spock, his concern clearly written on his face.

“It appears that your planet’s continued survival was contingent on a fortuitous coincident—the peaking of global oil production just as your planet was reaching a point where the rise of carbon dioxide levels would have to be halted in order to avoid calamitous climate change.”

“What do mean by the production peaking?”

“Your people had used up half of the planet’s oil reserves. From that point on, production would lessen as the remaining oil became harder to get to. Its price would also begin to fluctuate, then begin a rise at an extreme rate, putting it out of the reach of many.”

“What are you saying? That they only stopped using the oil because it was running out? We were always told that they stopped using it because they knew what was happening. It happened at the same time the Dark Time came. What else could we think?”

Spock shook his head. “The Dark Time very likely came because the oil ran out, for it would have led to wars among nations competing for it and for the water that was already becoming increasingly scarce, especially in your southern hemisphere.

“People would have died in the millions, if not billions: from war, disease, hunger, thirst, exposure to the elements. With less oil, less would be able to be done to alleviate the problems since inexpensive energy is what had kept your civilization running in the first place. There had to have still been a great deal of carbon fuel left, but it would have become more and more difficult to extract, especially since what oil would be left was mainly in areas of your planet with long-term, protracted conditions that made the countries dangerous or unstable to begin with. And without the cheap oil to run the machines that dug for coal or that built the mechanisms proposed to replace the oil, less and less fuel would become available. At the same time, drought caused by the climate changing was creating a shortage of fresh water, the very thing needed to create biofuels or hydrogen products. Finally, a tipping point would have been reached. Too many would have died, too much would have been lost. Your civilization collapsed.

“But as the amount of carbon dioxide being released into the atmosphere lessened, then almost completely stopped, the concentration level would have ceased its rise and eventually begun to come down. Finally, the planet’s temperature would begin a slow move to stabilization, which we have, in fact, been able to verify with our scans. The cataclysm that the large-scale loss of forest, the complete melting of the polar ice caps and the release of the frozen methane beneath the tundra would have created, by pushing the temperature to a degree where life on the planet would have been impossible for most species, was averted.

“For a hundred years they had a source of cheap energy, and even after they knew that it was poisoning their world, even after they knew that it was not limitless, they refused to change. They continued to burn the oil without a thought for what they would face when it all ran out. Ironically, that it did run out appears to be the only thing that ultimately saved the planet.”

Kirk stared at Spock for what seemed to Spock to be a very long time. One emotion after the other chased across the human’s face until finally he stood, as anger won out.

“Those bastards!”

“Jim!” Winona brought her head up, clearly shocked.

“What? It’s the truth, isn't it?” Kirk paced back and forth while kneading his hands together. “Those god damn bastards! All this time we’ve revered them, placed them on a pedestal for having the courage to finally give up their comfort, for putting us before themselves. Now it turns out that wasn’t the case at all.”

“What I don’t understand is, why are we only finding this out now?” Winona asked. “Surely, someone must have known what was going on, yet all these years we’ve been told that there was this great sacrifice.”

“Perhaps,” Spock paused, not wishing to say too much, “it was done in order to instill hope in those who would come after. My mother’s people were told no such story. She did not know what had transpired in the past but held out no hope for her people. All she knew was that once their land had been green and fertile but that it was no longer.”

“That makes sense,” Winona said. “It gave people something to hold on to until things got better. And they have, a little.”

“So the only way we can hold onto hope is if we’re lied to? Treated like children who can’t stand to hear the truth?” Kirk snorted. “I’m more inclined to think it was so they still didn’t have to admit to what they had done. They couldn’t have cared less about the future.”

“We do not know that, Jim. It is likely that we never will. But taking into account everything I have read, culminating in the information found in this book, I am satisfied that, as much as it can be, my question has been answered.”

Kirk stopped his pacing and stared at Spock. “You mean—” He threw a quick glance at his mother. “You’re done with your search.”

“It would seem so.”

“Just like that? You’ve found what you’re looking for so you’re done and it’s time to move on.”

Winona wiped her face while looking from one man to the other. “What are you talking about? Are you leaving, Spock?”

Spock answered her, though he never stopped looking at Kirk. “My time here was always meant to be temporary. Our paths crossed and we found a common thread within our lives that drew us together. But our paths are now beginning to diverge. You will be leaving for your ship, and I to....somewhere else.”

“So you’re leaving. When?” Kirk asked.

“You don’t have to leave right away, do you?” Winona interrupted before Spock could respond. “After all, don’t you want to read the entire book? And there are so many things I’d like to prepare for your trip. Please, Spock, can’t you stay, at least another day or two?”

That he did not in fact want to leave made the temptation to stay, to extent his time with Kirk for as long as he could, far too great. It would be better to end it here, now. But Spock knew there wasn’t any logical reason he could give for leaving immediately so he did the next best thing.

“When were you planning on returning to your ship?” he asked Kirk.

Kirk stared at him and at first Spock thought he would put off leaving so that they would have more time together but then Kirk responded.

“I thought the day after tomorrow.”

Spock finally looked at Winona and saw her dismay. She had known her son was leaving, just not that it would be happening so soon. She stood and pushed her chair in, her hands in nervous motion.

“I better get busy, then. There’s so much to do. I’ll...” She looked at her son, and then without another word left the room.

Spock looked back at Kirk. “It is for the best. We would only be delaying the inevitable and augmenting our distress.”

“You don’t really believe that, do you? Whenever it happens, it’s going to hurt like hell.” Kirk wearily shook his head. “I suppose I should see how my mother’s doing. I’ll talk to you later.”

Spock remained in his chair and, turning toward the window, watched the rain fall.

~~~~~

“Spock?”

His name was followed by a light rap on the door.

“Come.”

The door opened and Kirk entered the room. “Are you about ready?”

“I have only a few more items to pack and then I will be prepared to leave.” He walked over to the dresser and picked up the few coins scattered there. He handed them to Kirk. “I will have no use for these where I am going.”

Kirk closed Spock’s hand with his own. “You keep them, to remember us by.”

Spock looked at their joined hands. “I will have no need for such as these to remember. I will never forget our time together.”

“Me, either.” Kirk’s smile was bittersweet. He pulled his hand away. “Erinnys’s ready.”

“I shall be down momentarily.”

Kirk nodded and left the room. Spock could hear his footsteps as he hurried down the stairs, and then the inevitable bang of the front screen door as he went outside.

Spock took another look around the room that had become his home over the weeks of his stay. He’d stripped the bed, yet it seemed to him that he could still smell a residue of their passion, a haunting reminder of what had transpired so many times in this room, the last but hours before. He stood quite still, memorizing the room and all it stood for. Then he turned and left, closing the door behind him.

When he got to the bottom of the stairs he could see Kirk standing right off the porch, next to his horse. Winona stood on the top step. In her hands was a small bundle wrapped in cloth. Spock glanced into the library and then walked outside.

The sun was barely peeking up over the horizon, true morning still almost an hour away. The rain had finally stopped in the middle of the night and the day promised to be a fair one. There was nothing to keep him here any longer.

“There you are.” Winona handed him the package. “This is for you, just a little something I threw together for you to eat on the road.”

“I am grateful. For this and for all the kindness you have shown me during my stay.”

She smiled. “You made it easy.”

“It’s time to go.” Kirk stepped forward and took his mother into his arms. “I don’t know when my next leave with be. When I find out, I’ll try to get a letter to you.”

She held him fiercely and then kissed him on the cheek. “Just stay safe, okay?”

“Don’t I always?” He kissed her back and then pulled away and swung up on the back of the horse. “Come on, Spock.”

Spock hitched his bag over onto his back as he stepped forward. He took Kirk’s hand and allowed himself to be pulled up behind Kirk. With a tug on the reins, the horse turned and started forward. Where the road split, they peeled off and took the one going toward town.

Kirk kept an easy pace and Spock could not help but be reminded of the last time they had rode together like this.

“Are you remembering, too?” Kirk asked.

Spock leaned slightly forward to get a look at Kirk’s face. “If I did not know better, I would find it hard not to conceive that you are telepathic.”

“No, I just know you. Probably better than I should.” He paused. “Spock, what will you do when you get back to Vulcan?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, will you take another scouting assignment or go back to being on a starship or what?”

“I am not sure. Perhaps I will stay on Vulcan, at least for awhile. I very much doubt I will be given a position on a starship any time in the near future. Such positions are highly prized and there are more applicants than places for them. Fortunately, my situation gives me the option of not having to decide immediately.”

“Will you be bonded again?”

Spock pressed his lips together, unsure how to respond.

“No, never mind. I don’t think I really want to know. I guess I just want to know that you’ll be happy, even if it isn’t with me.”

“Jim,” Spock chose his words carefully, “There is always some...solace in the totality which comes from the creating of a bond. But Vulcans do not expect the level of gratification which humans do when they join with another. If, when I bond with another, it will be because I must.”

“I was afraid you’d say that. What about your human half? Doesn’t it have a say in the matter?”

“I have lived my entire life on Vulcan, as a Vulcan. Allowing my human half to guide my course now would be, not only foolhardy, but ultimately non-conducive to my well being.”

“Oh, Spock.”

Spock strengthened his hold on the human, his arms tightening around Kirk’s waist. He lowered his head until it rested against the broad back. “Do not be distressed. No matter what my life has in store for me, I will always have the memories of this time. I am content.”

Kirk laid a hand on top of Spock’s crossed arms. “I wish I could believe that.”

~~~~~

“There, it is down within that ravine.”

Kirk pulled the reins and brought the horse to a halt. While they had traveled, so had the sun until all darkness had been chased away and replaced with the growing heat of the day. Below, hidden somewhere within the overlapping trees and tangle of brush, was Spock’s ship.

They both dismounted and Kirk undid his bag from where it was tied to the saddle. With Spock leading the way, they took the barely discernible path that cut through the forest and down into the ravine. Kirk cautiously made his way along the narrow cut, each step carefully chosen while holding firmly onto Erinnys’s reins.

“I hope it’s easier coming up,” he complained.

“It is, and made much more quickly,” Spock responded as they finally got to the bottom.

Kirk stopped behind him. “Where’s your ship?”

Spock lifted an eyebrow. “You do not see it?”

He looked around, his eyes narrowing as he sought out the vessel. Finally, his eyes were caught by a gleam of white. “I do now.”

Spock walked over and began to clear away some of the branches.

“Can I see inside?”

Spock stopped what he was doing and turned toward Kirk, his face closed and distant. “That may not be wise.”

“Why not?” Kirk stepped forward until he was standing next to Spock. “I won’t touch anything, I promise.”

“It is not that, I believe—”

“Come on, Spock. It’s the closest I’ll ever get to outer space.”

Spock straightened and gave Kirk a prolonged look. In the end, he capitulated. Pushing aside a few branches, he motioned to the empty space which opened up alongside the ship. “We enter through there.”

Kirk tied his horse up within the shade of the trees that hid them from above and then followed Spock through the pathway. Spock lowered his bag onto the ground and took out his tricorder. At the push of a button, a panel in the side of the ship swung gracefully over, revealing the vessel’s interior.

Kirk slowly entered. He didn’t know what he’d expected, certainly not this level of comfort and space. Not only was there a goodly sized bunk, but a galley and head toward the back of the ship. In front, a small area said ‘helm’ to him.

He turned and smiled at Spock, who had followed him in. “She’s a beauty. Does she have a name?”

“Psthan. It means ‘quest.’ It seemed appropriate.”

“I like it.” He looked around again, trying to memorize the layout, so that when he thought of Spock, as he knew he would, he could think of him here, in this ship, traveling the stars. When he thought he had it right, he turned his attention to Spock.

He couldn’t ever imagine himself forgetting Spock. Until the day he died the man would hold a place in his heart, in his soul. He’d long since committed to memory the Vulcan’s every feature and expression, the sound of his voice in all its moods and amplitude, and the way his body moved, in pleasure and in pain.

But their time was running out, and as the seconds ticked by, the silence between them grew heavy.

Kirk grimaced. “I suppose you’re ready to kick me out.”

“Jim, I—” Spock shook his head. “No, I could never desire your absence. If it were within my power...” He looked away. “But it is not.”

He’d vowed to himself that he wouldn’t do this, but at that moment he couldn’t have stopped himself if he had tried. But he didn’t try, instead he found himself slowly covering the distance between them and taking Spock into his arms.

Spock brought his hands up as if to push him away, yet Kirk felt them instead wrap around his waist and pull him closer.

He entangled his fingers into Spock’s hair and pulled the Vulcan’s head down so that their lips could meet. He opened his mouth, allowing, hell, demanding Spock’s assault, the wet heat of Spock’s mouth on his, the Vulcan’s tongue dueling with his own. Kirk surged up to press his body against Spock’s so that he could feel Kirk’s desire as he pressed his cock hard against Spock’s belly.

“One more time, Spock,” he uttered between kisses, pulling at Spock’s clothes at the same time, “just this one more time.”

He knew he’d won when he felt Spock’s hands at his fly, frantically undoing the buttons. With one shove, Kirk’s pants and underwear were around his thighs and Spock’s hand was on his cock. The long fingers manipulated his organ while the other hand went around to splay across his ass.

Kirk threw his head back and moaned. He needed this to see him through the long, lonely years. But he needed even more. Without breaking Spock’s hold on him, he maneuvered them around until he felt the bunk against the back of his legs. He put his hands on Spock’s shoulders and used his weight to pull them both onto the bed.

Then Spock’s hands were everywhere, divesting Kirk of his clothes while at the same time managing to get rid of his own. Both naked, the Vulcan stretched out on top of him, pushing Kirk’s legs apart and nestling between them.

Kirk could feel the long Vulcan cock pressed against his belly, nudging at him as their bodies moved together. Taking it in hand, he felt the slickness of pre-cum at its tip. He’d become addicted to the taste of it, but that’s not what he wanted this time.

“Spock,” he whispered, at the same time pulling Spock’s hand up to his mouth.

Once he had Spock’s attention, he began to slowly lick and suck at Spock’s fingers, not letting up until they were slick with his saliva. Then he pushed it down between his legs.

Spock froze. They’d never done this; he’d never done this. More than once he’d been in Spock, but never the reverse. It hadn’t seemed to bother Spock, that Kirk would take but not give but he wanted to give now.

“Please, I need this. I need to know what you feel like inside of me.”

After a moment, Spock nodded and slid his hand lower, his fingers exploring between Kirk’s legs until he found what he was looking for.

Spock gently inserted a finger, one joint at a time, allowing Kirk to get used to the invasion. It felt...odd, though pleasant, too, so pleasant that there was little discomfort as Spock gradually added fingers, stretching Kirk open. By the time Spock knelt up and positioned himself between Kirk’s legs, all Kirk could think was that if he didn’t have Spock inside of him soon he’d go crazy.

Spock took it slow, making sure he felt no pain, the thick bulk of his cock sliding in and out, deeper and deeper until it nudged Kirk’s prostate. Kirk sucked in his breath. It felt like nothing he’d ever felt before. The pleasure built from his very core, then radiated out to encompass his entire body.

He lifted his legs and hooked them over Spock’s shoulders. “Harder,” he rasped. His hips thrust up, trying to push the heavy organ deeper into his body.

Leaning forward, Spock placed his hands on each side of Kirk’s head. Gradually, he picked up speed and intensity, thrusting deeper with each stroke.

And then Kirk was flying, the sensation sizzling up his backside and straight through his groin. He grabbed hold of Spock’s shoulders, digging his fingers in and hanging on for dear life as their bodies rocked together. Spock shifted all his weight onto one hand and then grasped Kirk’s organ with the other, moving his hand to the rhythm of their bodies. When Kirk exploded into orgasm, he barely noticed the flood of heat that followed as Spock emptied himself into his body.

He felt sapped of all strength as he lay there, his breath coming in ragged gasps, his heart only slowly returning to its usual beat. After a time, the heat and weight of Spock’s body became too much and, with a touch from Kirk, Spock shifted, his cock sliding free as he rolled over to lie at Kirk’s side.

They lay there, the breeze blowing in through the open door cooling their bodies. Kirk felt almost drunk with satiety and didn’t fight the slow drooping of his eyelids or the sleep that stole gradually over him.

~~~~~

Kirk woke with a start. It took him a moment to remember where he was, the ship now shrouded in darkness. The door had been closed. If not for the glow from the instrument panel up front there would have been no light at all. Within that glow he could just barely make out Spock’s still form seated next to the panel.

Kirk came up on his elbows. “Spock?”

It took a couple of seconds, but finally Spock unfolded himself from his seat and walked over, somehow bringing the lights up at the same time. He sat on the edge of the bunk, his body pressing slightly against Kirk’s hip. Kirk noticed that he now wore pants and a tunic of sorts, made from some strange material.

“Why didn’t you wake me?” Kirk asked.

“You appeared to require rest.”

Sitting all the way up, Kirk looked around the cabin and then frowned. “What time is it?”

“It is five oh three, post meridian.”

“Five!” Kirk maneuvered his legs out from under the blankets and around Spock’s body. He got up and started gathering his clothes. “You should have woke me up.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?” Kirk began to hurriedly dress. “Because it’s over fifteen miles to Nichols and I want to get there before dark.”

“Is there a reason you must get there today?”

Kirk stilled. “Spock, what are you saying?”

Spock stood and approached him. “Merely that there is no reason why you cannot stay here for the night.”

“I’m not sure that would be a good idea.”

“Why not? Are you expected there tonight?”

“No, it’s just that...” Kirk wavered. “Don’t you think that we’re just putting off the inevitable?”

“Jim, if it is inevitable, does it matter so much that it happen now? I know you must leave for your ship and that I must return to my planet. But would it be so terrible if we gave ourselves a few more hours?”

He gazed at Spock, unsure of what to do. It would be so easy to give in, not just for today but for tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that. It was a slippery slope he saw himself surely falling down. But he wanted to stay.

Clearly aware of his conflict, Spock moved forward and took him into his arms, ending the battle without a shot being fired.

“You really know how to play dirty,” Kirk muttered against the soft material of Spock’s tunic.

“It will be all right, Jim.” He pulled back and then led Kirk toward the galley. “Come, you have not eaten for several hours.”

Kirk allowed himself to be drawn over to a small table and took a seat. Satisfied that Kirk was going nowhere, Spock set about preparing them a meal.

“I suppose I should see to Erinnys,” Kirk remarked somewhat reluctantly. He was enjoying watching Spock, or more correctly watching how effortlessly he was able to fix them something to eat. No wood to gather, no fire to tend; the machines did it all.

“There is no need. I have already watered and fed him. I also enlarged the area next to the ship and retied him there.”

“Thanks, you always have to be careful out here. There’s no telling what might try to go after him, especially at night.”

“He is safe,” Spock responded as he carried over two bowls of something hot and placed one before Kirk and then sat down himself.

Kirk picked up his spoon and hesitantly took a taste. He smiled. “This is good. What is it?”

“Bertakk soup. It is a favorite of my mother’s so I knew it to be compatible with the human digestive system.”

“That’s good to know.”

Kirk must have been hungrier than he thought, because he proceeded to finish off the bowl of soup and then go for seconds. Afterwards, the two of them sat at the table and Kirk was introduced to a type of Vulcan tea. And for awhile, Kirk could pretend that they were just two lovers sharing a cup of tea, with all the time in the world before them. But the thoughts that had been preying on his mind ever since waking up in this ship of a totally different space and time would not go away.

Spock had poured him a second serving and he held the cup of steaming liquid with both hands. “I don’t know how you put up with living the way we do, not with this waiting for you.”

“It was not a problem. Indeed, I found that it gave a sense of accomplishment one does not receive from merely placing food within the processor and allowing it to do the work.”

“If you say so.” Kirk chuckled. “I can tell you right now, my mother would give her right arm for something like that.” He sobered. “It’s hard to think that, once upon a time, most people here on Earth had something at least somewhat similar.”

Spock took a drink of tea, as if needing time to weigh his words. “They paid a heavy price for that convenience. I would think that, knowing what was to come, their behavior might have been vastly different.”

“We blew it, didn’t we?”

“If by that you mean that your people missed their chance to stop the coming desolation and all it entailed, I am afraid so. It appears that, just as when your own country’s oil passed its peak production fifty years before, warnings given as the world’s supply began to do the same went unheeded. The time that could have been used to create a new energy source was wasted.”

“So what happens to us now?”

“I do not know, Jim. You have already fallen back into the use of fossil fuels, though there are now so few of you that it no longer presents a danger to the planet. But without a cheap, abundant source of energy, one that would not pollute the planet, I do not see how your people could ever again reach the level of development they once possessed.”

“So I can forget ever seeing something like this,” he motioned around the craft, “ever being built or flown here, right?”

“Unfortunately, that is correct.”

“That’s what I thought.” Kirk drained his cup and then stood. “I suppose we should be calling it a night.”

“It is quite late. If you wish to use the shower,” he motioned to the room tucked against the far wall, “I will make sure Erinnys is well and then seal the ship for the night.”

It took Kirk awhile to figure out the controls and of all the things he had experienced since stepping into this ship, this would be the most alien. It had been slightly eerie to step into the sonic waves and let them wash over him. By the time he was done, Spock was already in bed.

Kirk slipped in next to him. Spock resettled so that he lay within the confines of Kirk’s arm, Spock’s head on his shoulder. Kirk tried to stay awake, wanting to hold onto this feeling as long as was possible. But it seemed that the strain of the last few days had finally caught up with him for, though this time he fought it, sleep won out in the end.

~~~~~

They exited the ship, Kirk walking in front of Spock. He didn’t know if he could do this. He focused on placing one foot in front of the other, knowing he was lost if he let his mind slip back to the man he’d held in his arms such a short time before.

He untied his horse, soothing the animal as he did so, though he would have been better served stealing some of Erinnys’s calm. He walked him out from the makeshift corral to where Spock now stood several feet away from the ship, Kirk’s saddle and saddlebag at his feet. The sky was clear, and a part of him noted that it promised to be a beautiful day but that thought held little comfort. As far as he was concerned, a black cloud hung over his world, blighting whatever beauty it possessed.

Kirk saddled his horse, positioning the pad and lifting the saddle into place without real thought. But it kept his hands busy, if not his mind as he did up the cinch straps and threw his saddle bag over Erinnys’s back almost as an afterthought. And if his motions were perhaps more strained than normal, well, he certainly had reason enough for that.

He took a deep breath and turned to face the Vulcan. “I guess this is goodbye.”

Spock’s gaze was on Erinnys, as if he couldn’t bear to look at Kirk. But finally he did and Kirk wondered if the same bruised emotions sat so apparent on his own face.

“Yes, it is goodbye.”

Kirk looked aside, his eyes straying to the path that would lead him away. “I should be going. I’d like to make Nichols before evening. There’s a hotel I usually stay in...” He shook his head, trying to clear the depression that was fogging his brain. “This time of year, it’s hard sometimes to get a room.”

“Will you be all right? It is a long distance to travel alone.”

Kirk almost smiled, recalling similar words from McCoy. “I’ve made the journey alone more times than I can count. I’ll be okay.”

“Yes, of course.” Spock bit his lip and looked down. “We will both be journeying alone.”

He couldn’t help himself. He reached out and placed his hand on Spock’s arm. “You know I don’t want this. You know that I’d give anything if things could be different. God, Spock, every time I run into a stranger my first thoughts are going to be ‘Is this a Vulcan?’ Does he know Spock?’ At least you won’t have that to deal with. But I can’t leave. It would be too much like running.”

Spock gave a tight nod. “Your people need you.” He lifted his head and then almost hesitantly brushed his fingers down Kirk’s face. “We have an axiom on my planet. ‘The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few or the one.’ At this moment, I find it hard to accept its veracity.”

“Spock, I—” Kirk choked on his words. He waited until he had himself under control and then he raised his hand in the way he’d seen Spock do at their first meeting.

“Live long and prosper, Spock.”

Spock stepped back, away from Kirk and returned the gesture.

“Peace and long life, James Kirk.”

Kirk closed his eyes and bit his lower lip as a terrible tension seem to overwhelm him. Finally, he took a deep breath and opened his eyes. He straightened, holding himself together by sheer willpower. He gave Spock one long, last look before he mounted his horse and turned away.

Spock had only been half right; the trip out of the ravine may have gone faster but was by no means easier.

~~~~~

“Captain Kirk, I didn’t expect to see you back so soon.”

Kirk gave his boatswain a halfhearted wave as he walked up the gangplank and onto the deck of his ship. “You know me, Nathan, can’t stay away from the lady too long.”

Dunn laughed. “Yeah, to tell the truth, I was surprised when you left to begin with. I was sure you’d take a room in town.”

“Don’t think it didn’t occur to me.” He looked around, noting the few tools still scattered around. “Are you still working on her?”

“Just a few minor adjustments. I let the other men get on with their shore leave a couple of days ago. It’s been sort of lonely these last two nights with no one else on board.”

“How soon before all the work’s done?”

“I’ll be finished in another hour or so.” Dunn squinted and looked toward the sun. “I’ve got plenty of light left, at least for that long.”

“Then I’ll let you get back to it. If you want, you can go into town once you’re done.”

“You sure, Captain? No one else will be back for almost a week. That’s a long time to stay aboard all by yourself.”

“You were going to do it.”

“Yeah, well, I’m an old seaman with no ties to the land—other than recreational ones, that is.” He winked.

Kirk chuckled. “I think I can manage. And if I get too lonely, I can always get the dock master to set a watch on the ship while I take a stroll through town.”

“If you think you’ll be okay...” Dunn hesitated only a moment and then grinned. “I’ll just finish up these last few things and be on my way.”

“That’s fine. Just let me know when you’re leaving. I’ll be in my cabin.”

Kirk walked toward the quarterdeck and then took the steps down to his cabin. Placing his bag on his bunk, he leaned over and opened up the windows so that the breeze off the river would clear the stuffy air from a room too long closed.

He unpacked and stowed his gear, then changed out of his traveling clothes into something less formal. He’d be alone here; no need to worry about impressions or what his crew might think. And Dunn was an old hand, one of those who’d seen it all and had long ago stop seeing their captain as more than human.

More than human. Not human, or not completely human. The sigh that escaped him as he laid out on his bunk, bolstering himself up with his pillows, was more resignation than sorrow, though there was still plenty of that inside of him. But he’d always been one to adapt; he’d had to. No one survived long if they didn’t. As much as it felt at this moment that he’d always shoulder this heavy weight of grief lodged just below his heart, he knew that he would have to find a way to carry on.

He looked over at the books on the ledge, slowly running his finger along the spines as he read the titles. One in particular caught his eye and in a moment of perverse self-indulgence, he pulled it out from its place.

‘Who Walk Alone.’(5) How appropriate.

He noticed the other space, where the book he’d taken home with him used to be. Well, he hoped it had a good voyage. With that thought he opened his book, propping it up against his up drawn legs, and began to read.



onto Chapter 8