gilda_elise (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
gilda_elise) wrote2013-05-30 09:43 am
gilda_elise) wrote2013-05-30 09:43 am
Entry tags:
Blame the Wind (K/S) Pt 2 of 2
Title: Blame the Wind
Fandom: Star Trek (TOS)
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Word Count: 13,533
Summary: Kirk and Spock are summoned to Starbase Two for an unpleasant but necessary duty: a legal hearing to determine Janice Lester’s fate – a trip that will have far-reaching consequences for their lives.
Originally published in T’hy’la 32. Winner of a 2013 Fan Q Award.
Also posted on AO3 and at the K/S Fanfiction Archive.
When Kirk woke the next morning, the naturalness of their situation, and the total lack of awkwardness between them, only added to Kirk’s conclusion that there was really nothing they could do together that could be considered inappropriate, much less wrong. Their relationship was stronger, better than that.
His contentment lasted through breakfast and the twenty minutes they spent cooling their heels in the court’s outer office. Once allowed into the room where the hearing would take place, even the ten minutes it took before anyone else made an appearance couldn’t dampen his spirits—though he could have done without the image of Janice Lester glaring at him from the table’s central computer screens. At least it was just her image; he’d worried that she would be allowed to attend the hearing.
The doctors finally having arrived, they all took a seat, with Dr. Steven Carmichael, McCoy’s friend, at the head of the table. The chairs to each side of him were taken by the other two doctors, so Kirk motioned Spock to the other end of the table.
Carmichael made the introductions all around and then got down to business. He gave a short but informative overview of what had transpired to bring Janice Lester to this state and what had been done since. Seated to his right, a Dr. Lewis Ayres then gave his opinion, based on the reports they’d filed and the depositions that had been taken from Lester, regarding her condition. It seemed to Kirk that, while seemingly better, the woman had a long way to go.
His relief abruptly collapsed when Dr. Willis, Lester’s personal doctor, began to speak. Though Kirk wasn’t completely sure of some of the technical jargon Willis was spewing, he understood the gist of what the doctor was trying to say.
“...in conclusion, Dr. Lester has made remarkable strides in the two months of her confinement. Her demeanor is calm and reasonable, and she no longer shows signs of the psychosis which plagued her during her tenure on Camus Two and her time aboard the Enterprise. It is my belief that there should be a loosening of her confinement, visitation privileges conferred at the very least.” Dr. Willis finished his remarks and rested his clasped hands on the table. A thin, rather severe looking man, he appeared sure of his conclusions.
“What medication is Dr. Lester currently being prescribed?” Dr. Ayres asked.
“MGR2. It’s been used successfully in even more extreme cases than Dr. Lester’s, with very good results.”
“Where have I heard that name before?” Kirk leaned over and whispered to Spock.
“It is the same medication used on Garth of Izor.”
Kirk nodded, remembering the remarkable change the medication had made in the man. But Garth’s illness had been brought on by brain trauma; Janice’s problems had started years before and stemmed from completely different circumstances. “Excuse me,” he broke in, directing his question to Dr. Willis, “I’m confused. The medication you’ve mentioned was used on a patient whose psychosis was caused by brain damage. How would that help Dr. Lester?”
“By targeting the same synapses that have caused the psychosis, which it does quite effectively, whether the cause was physical injury or a chemical imbalance.”
“Are you telling me that Janice Lester killed all those people because of a chemical imbalance?” Kirk asked.
“All mental illness is, in essence, an imbalance of the chemical makeup of the brain.”
“But mental illness isn’t the only reason people kill.”
“No, it’s not, which is the main reason for this hearing. But I am of the opinion that Dr. Lester did kill due to mental illness. That illness has now been effectively dealt with.”
“So this medication will ensure that she never kills again?”
“Nothing can guarantee that,” Dr. Carmichael said.
“Which is why we asked you here, Captain Kirk,” Willis added. “If anyone can tell us what was truly going on in her mind, it would be you and your first officer.”
Kirk exchanged a look with Spock. From his expression, Spock was just as mystified by that statement as he was.
“We’re more than willing to help, but I don’t understand what it is you think we know.”
“Didn’t you join your mind to hers, Mr. Spock?” Willis turned his attention to the Vulcan.
“No, I did not.”
“Wait a minute.” Carmichael pulled up the report from Starfleet. “It states here that you did, while she was confined in your ship’s brig.”
“Janice Lester’s body was, indeed, confined to the brig, but it was with the mind of Captain Kirk with which I melded.”
“How would you know it was the captain’s mind? Couldn’t it have just as well been Janice Lester pretending to be Kirk?” Willis asked.
“Each person’s mind has its own unique signature, a resonance if you will, that is impossible to fake. Also, I have melded with the captain several times in the past. I know his mind well. There is no way that I would not know it.”
“I didn’t realize that you and your captain were so close.” Willis gave him a jaundiced look. “Still, a machine that will exchange one person’s mind with another? I have studied the human mind for over thirty years. I’ve never heard of anything like that being even remotely possible.”
“I’m here to tell you that it is, and I know that because it happened to me,” Kirk shot back.
“So you say, but visual recordings of the incident show Mr. Spock guiding Dr. Lester out of the brig and holding her hand. Why in the world would he see fit to hold your hand?”
“The relationship that exists between Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock is not what’s under discussion,” Carmichael interjected. “Starfleet has accepted their statements as fact; I see no reason to do otherwise.”
“What—”
Willis cut Kirk off before he could continue. “If you did trade minds with Dr. Lester, you must have seen something of her thoughts.”
“No, it was...” Kirk hesitated. He’d never given much thought to those few seconds as their minds had passed each other. “I don’t remember exactly what happened. Somehow, she had set the machine so that she was always in control. I remember walking up to it, wondering what it was. The next thing I knew, I was lying down and looking up at myself.
“When I woke up again, I was in sickbay, but then I was sedated, so those memories aren’t clear. It was only later that I realized what had happened. There were vague images of being... pulled from my body, as if I was being stretched all out of shape to fit a different reality.
“Afterwards, when the transference was broken, it all happened much faster. One second I was in Janice’s body, trying to stop Dr. Colman from injecting me with whatever was in the syringe, the next I was myself again. So, to answer your question, no, I never did see anything of her thoughts.”
“So you don’t know why she did what she did? Why she would go to such extremes to get the body of starship captain?”
“Oh, I know why. She spelled that out clearly enough when I first got to the planet. She still resented me being given a starship, for earning something she wanted but lacked the temperament for.”
“You knew her before?” Dr. Ayres asked.
“Yes, I did, when we were both at Starfleet Academy.”
“That isn’t in the report.”
“No.” Kirk shook his head. “I didn’t consider it relevant.”
“Considering what transpired, it may well be very relevant,” Ayres said. “How would you describe your relationship with her at the Academy?”
Kirk didn’t see the point. She’d wanted to take his place as a starship captain. Why she’d done it didn’t matter; what mattered is what she’d done to achieve her goal. The people she’d killed wouldn’t have cared why; it certainly wouldn’t bring them back. “We... dated for about a year.”
“There were no thoughts of marriage?”
”No,” Kirk responded. “Our relationship was somewhat rocky.”
“It what way?” Dr. Carmichael interjected.
“Like I said, she resented the fact that I was on track for a command position. After awhile, we couldn’t carry on a conversation without it degenerating into an argument. Some of them,” he hesitated, “were pretty bad. Finally, I had to leave. We would have ended up killing each other.”
“I wonder,” Ayres looked from Kirk to his fellow doctors. “We’ve been assuming that Kirk was just an unfortunate victim of circumstance. But I’ll bet if we were to re-interview Arthur Coleman, we might find that she had somehow managed to make sure it was Captain Kirk’s ship that answered her distress signal. That speaks of a great deal of planning. Everything that happened would have to happen at a specific time with little room for error.”
“I suppose.” Kirk mulled it over. “But Camus Two was in our patrol area. It would have made sense to expect me to be the one to show up.”
“But how would she have known that? No, I find it next to impossible to believe that she hadn’t started planning this as soon as she’d found that machine, which could have been anytime within the previous nine months.”
“It sounds as if you believe she should remain incarcerated,” Dr. Carmichael commented.
“That’s certainly my first inclination. If she isn’t completely cured,” Ayres shook his head. “I can’t imagine the havoc that woman could create.”
“I’m not saying that she should go free, but she has made great strides in her therapy. Allowing her some freedom would be the logical next step.” Ayres turned to Dr. Carmichael. “What do you think, Steven?”
“Truthfully, I’m no longer sure. Captain Kirk’s statement, especially, has shed new light on Dr. Lester’s actions. Perhaps all three of us need to take some time to really think about this new information before making a decision.” Carmichael gathered up the report discs. “We’ll re-adjourn at ten hundred hours tomorrow morning. We can vote on it then.” He looked at Kirk. “We appreciate your cooperation, Captain, but I realize this hasn’t been easy for you, so there’s really no need for you or your first officer to attend tomorrow’s meeting.”
“I’d like to, if you don’t mind.”
“Very well.” Carmichael stood up. “Gentlemen, I’ll see you in the morning.”
Kirk waited until the room had cleared before rising, Spock at his side. “Come on, I think I need a drink.” He looked at Lester’s image again. “Make that two.”
~~~~~
It turned out a drink wasn’t necessary. By the time they’d exited the building and walked the distance that brought them to a large food court, Kirk had calmed down. They grabbed lunch instead, and then returned to their hotel room to wait out the two hours before they were expected at Commodore Potter’s residence.
Knowing they would probably be late in returning, Spock took the time to meditate, while Kirk finished the article he’d been reading the next before. A few minutes to freshen up, and they were out the door.
Kirk enjoyed the walk to the commodore’s house; the constant temperature of the base and the profusion of plants throughout made it feel like early spring. And as each base had its own unique layout, their conversation was peppered with sly observations and amusing comments on the esthetics of the place. It was the kind of conversation Kirk could rarely have with anyone but Spock.
By the time they reached Potter’s door, Kirk’s mood was jovial and he almost wished that he and Spock could continue walking. Instead, he rang the doorbell and waited until he heard the sound of someone approaching from within. The door opened.
“Right on time,” Potter remarked as he ushered them in. “Some things never change.”
“David has a reputation for being perpetually late,” Kirk said.
“And well deserved.” Potter smiled. “It’s good to see you again, Jim.”
“Same here.” And it was. Dave Potter was teaching at the Academy during Kirk’s last year there. Though not that much older, he had been an excellent teacher and had actively encouraged debate in his classes. The two had quickly become good friends. Kirk motioned toward Spock. “This is my first officer, Mr. Spock.”
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Spock. I’ve heard some amazing things about you—and your captain, of course.” He winked at Kirk.
“The pleasure is mine, Commodore.”
Kirk looked around. “Where’s Dina?”
“She’s out back. We thought we’d have a couple of drinks before dinner.”
As Kirk and Spock were led through the small but attractive dwelling, Kirk wondered at Potter’s terminology. Homes on the base had no ‘out.’ When they were directed through a set of French doors, he had his answer and he couldn’t help but stare.
What Potter had described as ‘out back,’ was, in reality, a large room that had been furnished to duplicate the look of a back yard. The floor was a mosaic of brick, with lawn furniture strategically placed throughout the area. To one side, a pool was backlit by a string of lights that haloed a small waterfall. Behind all this, a wall of transparent aluminum separated the room from the real outdoors.
“Fascinating.”
“I certainly have to agree,” Kirk said.
“Amazing, isn’t it?” Potter asked as he walked out to where his wife was rising from her chair.
“Jim Kirk, it’s been too long.” The woman approached Kirk with open arms.
“Hello, Dina.” He hugged her and then pulled back to study her face. “You haven’t aged a day.”
“Still the same Jim Kirk—and this must be your Mr. Spock.” She turned and smiled at Spock. “I have to admit, my curiosity was killing me.”
“Indeed?” Spock responded.
Potter laughed. He motioned them toward the chairs that circled a fire pit while he went over to the bar set against the inner wall. “It is hard to imagine how anyone could put up with Jim twenty-four seven.” He lifted a carafe filled with a dark maroon liquid; chunks of ice bobbed on its surface. “Drink, you two?”
“Hey, I’m not that bad, and, yes, I’ll have one,” Kirk said.
“Oh, come on, I remember how you were on the Republic. You gave one hundred percent while on duty, but watch out once your shift was up. What do you say, Mr. Spock?” Dina asked.
“I have found Captain Kirk to be an exemplary officer who I am pleased to serve under—and I, also, would appreciate a glass,” he added in response to Potter’s question.
Potter brought them their glasses and then sat next to his wife. “Right, as your captain, but what about the rest of the time?”
“Rest of the time?” Spock asked.
“When you’re off duty or on shore leave. Some of the stories Dina’s told me...” Potter shook his head and chuckled. “Definitely not the boy I remembered from the Academy.”
Kirk grimaced. “I wasn’t any worse than anyone else—and a lot better than some.”
“The captain has been known to... ‘cut loose,’ I believe is the expression, but never on the ship, and since I prefer to remain on the ship for most shore leaves, I have, fortunately, never been a witness to any of his more aberrant behavior.”
“You don’t go with him on shore leave?” Dina asked.
At Spock’s pronouncement, Kirk had looked at Spock in surprise. Spock rarely teased him when they weren’t alone, yet he knew that’s exactly what Spock was doing. Well, two could play that game. “Would you believe it, I couldn’t even get him to go bar hopping with me on Argelius when the rest of the crew was indisposed. Now tell me, what kind of first officer is that?”
“Well, I don’t blame him! Why would you want to go to one of those establishments, anyway?” Dina gave him a mock disgusted look. “Men! You never change.”
“Don’t include me in that. I can’t remember the last time I’ve gone bar hopping,” Potter said. “Sad state of affairs, isn’t it Jim? When a man can’t let go whenever he wants—not that I want to,” he added with a wink toward his wife. “But you seemed to have settled into it without a problem.”
“The ship takes a lot of my time, but when I need to relax, I do,” Kirk said. “Spock makes sure of that, and he has my ship’s doctor as an ally—at least as far as that goes. But enough about me, how have you two been getting by?”
“I can’t complain, especially since I got this posting. I’m hoping it’ll be for awhile, though. Both Dina and I are tired of moving around.”
Kirk’s gaze traveled around the room. “You certainly have a lovely place. And that view...” He motioned toward the outer wall.
“David loved it right away, but it took me awhile to get used to,” Dina said. “It was sort of eerie, looking out at all that emptiness.”
“It is quite impressive,” Spock said.
“I remember you saying that in the room,” Kirk said and then turned to the Potters. “Our hotel room has an outer wall window.”
“I find it reminiscent of the view from one of Vulcan’s escarpments. Because of its elevation, there is little vegetation. Yet it has the same beauty as this,” Spock nodded his head toward the vista on the other side of the glass.
“You don’t think it looks lonely?” Dina looked out. “It doesn’t bother me anymore, but at the beginning I remember getting this terrible feeling of loneliness, especially if I was out here by myself.” She shrugged. “It wasn’t so much being alone, as feeling lonely. Does that make sense?”
“I think it does. A person can be alone, but still have the sense of being part of something, having a connection to others. Conversely, you can be in a room full of people, and still be lonely,” Kirk said.
Dina smiled. “But none of us have to worry about that anymore, do we?”
Kirk gave her a puzzled look, but before he could respond the conversation suddenly turned to the upcoming elections for the Federation Council. Engrossed in their lively discussion, he forgot about it.
Dinner was great, the food delicious and plentiful. Kirk would have liked to stay longer, but he knew they’d need to be up early. As it was, it was well past midnight by the time they were saying their goodbyes. David had pulled Spock over for a closer look at the artwork that graced the front room wall when Kirk recalled what Dina had said.
“Can I ask you something?” he asked her as they stood just inside the open door.
“Sure.”
“What did you mean earlier, about none of having to worry about being lonely anymore?”
“That none of us are alone anymore.” She looked at him, clearly puzzled. “What did you think I meant?”
She wasn’t the only one puzzled. “Not alone, as in a relationship?”
“Exactly.” She covered her mouth with her hand for a moment, obviously flustered. “It’s not a secret is it? I’ve heard how private Vulcans can be.”
“Dina.” Kirk placed his hands on her shoulders. “There isn’t—” He stopped. He couldn’t lie. There was something between him and Spock, just not what she thought there was. He needed to think about this. “There isn’t a problem, so stop worrying. I really enjoyed spending the evening with you and David. Let’s not let it be so long until the next time.”
“Oh, I agree. And Jim,” she touched his arm as he turned to join Spock. “Make sure you bring along your lovely Mr. Spock.”
He smiled. “I’ll do that.”
Kirk was quiet as he and Spock walked back to the hotel. Spock didn’t seem to mind; their need for constant conversation was long past. Kirk looked at his companion and let the comfort he found with this man settle over him.
~~~~~
“Are you all right, Captain?”
Kirk was startled into stopping the tapping of his stylus onto the table top. He smiled wryly. “Sorry, I just want this to be over with.”
Spock looked at the three doctors who sat at the head of the table. “They do seem to be taking an inordinate time starting the meeting.”
“They must have already come to decision, don’t you think?”
“One would assume.”
The sound of the door opening drew both their attentions. Two men, obviously not doctors, walked in and sat down at the table.
“It seems we can finally get started,” Carmichael said.
“We’re sorry for the hold up, Doctor,” one of the men said. “But our meeting with our client was delayed.”
“Very well.” Carmichael glanced down at the report lying on the desk in front of him. “After going over all the evidence presented, the reports made by Captain Kirk, Commander Spock, and the ship’s chief medical officer, Dr. Leonard McCoy, the statements of Arthur Coleman and those of Dr. Lester, herself, as well as the information obtained regarding Dr. Lester’s formative years, we have come to a decision. Giving special attention to her behavior in young adulthood and to what transpired on the Enterprise, we believe that Miss Lester’s behavior was not the product of a physical injury, illness, or chemical imbalance of the brain, but is a personality disorder of long duration, most likely originating during late adolescence.
“Her murder of the team of scientists on Camus II, her attempt to appropriate the physical form of Captain Kirk and, when that appeared to be failing, her plans to bring about his death, were all done with meticulous forethought. These, we feel, were the deeds of a woman perfectly in control of her actions.
“Because of this, we cannot approve the request to allow a reduction in her confinement. Indeed, we feel that society as a whole would be best served by her incarceration on Elba Two. Our finding will be forwarded to the Surgeon General’s office for final disposition, at which time she could very well be remanded for trial. Until then, she will remain in restricted confinement at these facilities.”
“We’ll fight this, you know,” one of the lawyers said.
“That’s your prerogative. But I seriously doubt that any reputable psychiatrist having access to this report could come to any other conclusion. If that is all, gentlemen,” Carmichael’s gaze swept the room. “This meeting is adjourned.”
They all stood and began to clear the room. Letting everyone pass, Carmichael waited at the door until Kirk and Spock had made their way over.
“Could I have a word with you, gentlemen?”
“Of course, Doctor. What can we do for you?”
“I just wanted to apologize for wasting your time. I really had hoped you’d be able to shed some light on what she was thinking.”
“I’m just sorry we couldn’t be of any help,” Kirk responded.
“You were more helpful than you know. Without your description of your relationship with her during your time at the Academy, we never would have delved more deeply into her life. Without having done that, some may have continued to think that she could somehow be cured. Not everyone can.”
“It just seems such a waste. Her life could have been so very different.”
Carmichael looked at him curiously. “I’m amazed at how forgiving you’re being. If she had succeeded, you could have ended your days in a mental institution.”
Kirk shook his head. “Mr. Spock knew who I was. One way or the other, we’d have found a way to get the truth out.”
“Yes, I suppose your liaison came in quite handy. You’re extremely lucky that Dr. Lester wasn’t aware of it.”
Kirk regarded him quizzically. “Liaison?”
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure if you two were bonded yet. I meant no offense.”
More surprised than shocked, he slowly shook his head before responding. “No, um, we’re not bonded.”
“When I talked to Leonard, he didn’t mention it so I thought perhaps you weren’t.”
“Leonard. You mean Leonard McCoy.”
“Of course. When I asked about what had transpired, he seemed very concerned about how this might have affected the two of you, your relationship. Having your mind ripped from its body would have had to affect anyone you were bonded to. But it seems as if there were no ill effects.” He nodded to Spock and shook Kirk’s hand. “I better get started on my rounds. It was good meeting you, gentlemen.”
Kirk watched the man walk away; as much as he wanted to see the look on Spock’s face, he found that he couldn’t work up the courage. Instead, he gave a terse, ‘Come on, Spock,” and exited the room.
~~~~~
Their walk back to their hotel room was made in silence, but with nothing of the comfort of the night before. After the little bomb shell Carmichael had dropped, how could there be? Kirk wondered. He and Spock... lovers. And apparently a lot of people thought so, Bones included. Where the hell had they all gotten that idea?
And Spock, what must he be thinking of all this? He could feel the tension radiating off his friend and could well imagine. By the time they finally reached the hotel, Kirk was ready to jump out of his skin. Giving some half-ass excuse about wanting to relax and, still not looking Spock’s way, Kirk headed for the bar.
There weren’t a lot of customers; most people didn’t start drinking this early in the day, but there were enough that Kirk decided on a booth near the back of the room. He flagged down the waitress and ordered a scotch. He had a lot of thinking to do.
While he waited for his drink, he watched the rest of the patrons. There was a small party off to his left, probably conventioneers by the look of them. People didn’t usually go around wearing name tags. At the bar, a young couple appeared in the middle of an argument. There was no loud shouting, but even from here Kirk could see the stiff set of their bodies.
The waitress brought his drink and he took a sip before continuing his survey. His gaze traveled away from the bar to the three women who sat at a nearby table. Out of habit, he focused in on them.
They were all attractive, though in varying degrees. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead. Something for everyone, he thought with not a bit of irony. But they appeared to be having a good time together. He’d lay odds that none of them were on the prowl.
Which was good because neither was he, though he thought that if he was of the mind, he would have picked the redhead. She seemed the most outgoing of the three, something about the way she threw back her head when she laughed. She’d probably be a lot of fun. No strings, just a good time. But he wasn’t on the prowl, and, it suddenly occurred to him, he hadn’t been for awhile.
He frowned and took another drink. As McCoy had most succinctly put it, going through what he’d been through could put a man off women for life, but this change in him had started months before then. He couldn’t say to the second or even the day, but it had slowly dawned on him that he preferred the company of his first officer over just about anyone else’s—including that of a woman.
Why shouldn’t he? He could relax and just be himself with Spock. Spock knew his flaws and didn’t hold them against him. Just the opposite, Spock understood that those flaws were just as much of his character, contributed just as much in making him the man he was, as any of his more worthy characteristics. And for all the ways that he and Spock were different, there were twice as many where they were the same. He’d never had a better friend.
But was that all Spock was to him? A lot of people seem to think otherwise. He tried to imagine what they saw when they looked at him and Spock. A rapport that was so strong they seemed to read each other’s minds, a desire to protect and keep safe so strong that they had both risked their careers and their lives for each other more times than he could count. A human’s need to touch allowed, no, encouraged, by a Vulcan.
Suddenly, the physical reactions he’d been having toward Spock all made perfect sense: the warmth just from watching his friend, the desire to touch, the rush of arousal at the most inopportune times, quickly dealt with and then ignored. They all pointed to an inescapable conclusion.
Kirk placed his elbows on the table and cradled his head in his hands. No wonder. It may have taken someone, well, lots of someones, to make that perfectly clear, but he wasn’t the type to run from the truth. You couldn’t, anyway. One way or the other, it has this nasty habit of catching up with you. And it wasn’t as if the signs hadn’t been there for months; now that Kirk’s eyes had been opened, he understood perfectly how people could have believed what they believed.
So what were his options? He could ignore it, pretend they hadn’t heard what they’d heard. He wasn’t crazy about that particular option. For one thing, he didn’t know if he could actually do it, and, for another, he didn’t know if Spock would allow it. His friend had been just as aware of what Carmichael was saying as he was, and, Kirk was sure, he was probably upstairs right now going over the exact same territory as Kirk was. Ignoring it was out.
Okay, option two. He could pretend that everyone was mistaken, have a big laugh over how they could all be so wrong. He didn’t like that option, either. It would again mean pretending that Spock didn’t mean what he did to him, essentially lying to his friend. He couldn’t do that.
Which left option three. See if Spock felt the same way. Kirk sort of thought he did. People hadn’t just seen something in Kirk; they’d seen it in them, so, they’d talk about it and, somehow, work something out. Kirk didn’t know all there was to know about Vulcan bonding; Spock had been pretty clear about wanting to let that particular subject slide after the debacle on Vulcan. But he knew he loved Spock and he was pretty sure Spock loved him. They’d start with that.
He quickly finished off his drink and stood up. Throwing a handful of credits on the table, he walked out. His steps were a bit unsteady, but perfectly sure.
~~~~~
“Spock?” Kirk hesitated at the door.
“Over here, Jim.”
Kirk entered the sleeping area, encouraged by Spock’s use of his given name. Across the room, Spock sat in one of the chairs. He’d turned it around to face the window and appeared inordinately taken by the sere and blighted landscape.
Turning the other chair around, Kirk sat down and looked out. “I think I have to agree with Dina. It has its own stark beauty, but it’s so barren. Lifeless. Out there you are truly alone.”
“You see that because you come from a place of abundant life, in every imaginable variation. Your species evolved surrounded by the biological diversity of the African savannah; it is embedded in your genes to prefer similar landscapes. So when you are confronted with such as this, you feel the loss.”
“I’d never thought about it before, but I guess you’re right. Humans need contact with other living things.” He turned and looked at his friend. “What do you see when you look out there?”
“I see the long stretch of eternity, its vastness, its aloneness. But because of the Vulcan mind, on Vulcan it is very difficult to be alone, to be completely separate. It is a condition many strive to obtain. What I see is the embodiment of that ideal.” Spock finally looked his way. “In some ways, we are quite different, you and I.”
“And very much the same in others.” Kirk tried to see some sign as to what Spock was thinking at that very minute. He couldn’t. The Vulcan was as locked down as he’d ever seen him. Yet, he hadn’t imagined the warmth in Spock’s voice when he’d first entered. “We’re the same in every way that matters.”
“Are we?”
“I think so. So do a lot of other people. Like David and Don and Dr. Carmichael. And McCoy.”
“McCoy?”
“Yes, and now that I think about it, probably Scotty, too. Hell, probably most of the bridge crew.” He leaned toward his friend. “They all see something that tells them that we’re very much alike. So alike as to be almost the same person. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you, Spock?”
Spock looked away. “I believe so. I only regret that it has caused you so much distress.”
“Why—. Okay, I suppose I deserve that. It did look like I was running away, but that wasn’t it at all. As crazy as this may sound, what people were thinking came as a complete surprise to me. What we have has become such an integral part of my life, I completely missed what exactly it is we do have. But I know now, and distress is far from what it brings me.” He reached across the space that separated them and laid his hand on Spock’s arm. “I may be way off base about this but I don’t think I am. I hope I’m not.”
Spock studied Kirk’s hand for long seconds as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. And for a moment, Kirk felt a frisson of fear. He tightened his hold on his friend. “Am I, Spock?”
The beginnings of a smile lit Spock’s face as he looked up and, reaching over, took Kirk’s hand in his own. “No, you are not.”
Kirk smiled back. “That’s good to hear. So, where do we go from here?” he hesitantly asked.
Spock’s gaze slid over to the bed. “I would not have thought that would be a question you would have the need to ask.”
Kirk pressed his lips together to stifle a grin. “Why, Mr. Spock, are you propositioning me?”
Spock stood and pulled Kirk up so that they were standing only inches apart. “I believe this should make my intentions perfectly clear.”
If Kirk had had time to think about it, he probably would have thought that their first kiss would have been soft, tender, not this hungry plundering of his mouth. He lifted his hands and threaded his fingers through Spock’s hair, eagerly participating.
He was only vaguely aware of Spock’s hands working at his clothes, his own hands returning the favor in an automatic response. Somehow they managed to divest each other of clothes, breaking their kiss only when it became necessary. Their pants were a bit of a problem, until they realized that their boots would have to be removed first. That done, the shock of arousal Kirk felt as his hands skimmed over Spock’s ass almost made him lose his balance. Finally naked, they stumbled over to the bed and fell together in a tangle.
Kirk laughed and pulled Spock closer. Until this moment he hadn’t realized just how much he wanted this—and how long he must have wanted it. Apparently, so had Spock, because he could feel the heat of the Vulcan’s erection against his own.
He maneuvered them over until they were centered on the bed, and then rolling on top of Spock, began a rhythmic onslaught. The Vulcan met him thrust for thrust, the long fingers Kirk had loved watching grasping hold of his buttocks and pulling their bodies tightly together. Kirk brought his mouth down to reconnect with Spock’s. The Vulcan’s taste already an addiction, just as much as the feel of Spock’s body, hot and needy again his, was.
Kirk finally broke the kiss. He used his arms to pull his upper body away, holding himself up on his hands, while continuing the rocking of their bodies. He wanted to see the look on Spock’s face as their cocks, slick with precum, slid against each other. Wanted to see the wanton need and desire as they allowed their bodies full rein.
Kirk could feel himself reaching a point of no return. He tried to hold it back, wanting this to last, but the stimulation of his body was too great. He threw back his head and groaned as his orgasm washed over him, his seed pulsing out between their bodies. He felt Spock surge beneath him, and then the Vulcan’s emissions suffused hot against his belly. Kirk moaned long and loud, and then dropped back down onto Spock’s body.
They lay like that for a time, both breathing raggedly. Almost reluctantly, Kirk finally rolled off and flopped onto the bed next to Spock. Glancing over, the satiated look on Spock’s face, his hair mussed, made Kirk grin. Truthfully, he didn’t seem to be able to stop.
Without words, and again Kirk marveled at how few there needed to be between them, they got up and headed for the bathroom. The shared shower brought them together again, and after ordering a meal in, they retired for the night.
Kirk couldn’t say how long he’d slept, only that when he woke it was dark out and that Spock was watching him.
“What’s the matter, couldn’t you sleep?” Kirk asked.
Spock had propped himself up on one elbow, his body mere inches from Kirk’s. “I preferred a more pleasant activity.”
“Is that all you’ve been doing? Looking at me?”
“I have also been contemplating our situation.”
“Past, present or future?”
“The present and future are pleasing to consider, it is the past I find my thoughts focused on. I cannot understand how it is that we could not see what apparently everyone around us saw.”
“I think unconsciously we did see it. But I know for myself, I wrote you off as a potential lover almost from the very beginning. You’re a Vulcan male, and while I did a little experimenting as a teenager, I’d pretty much settled on women. And while we’ve talked about just about every subject under the sun at one time or another, except for during your pon farr sex never came up. I guess I assumed you weren’t interested—no matter the signals I was picking up.”
“And I suppose I was misdirected by your unrelenting pursuit of women,” Spock remarked, though there was a definite hint of humor in his words.
“Which, of course, is all over now.”
“Of course.”
“Happy now?”
“Indeed, though I am not looking forward to explaining our new situation to Dr. McCoy.”
“That should prove interesting, considering he thought we were already together. Same with the crew, though as least we don’t have to worry about how they’ll take it. But right now,” Kirk turned to face Spock and slowly ran the fingers of one hand through the soft hairs of Spock’s chest. “I can think of a better way to be using our time.”
Spock pulled him into his arms. “As can I.”
Finis
If you reveal your secrets to the wind,
you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.
Kahlil Gibran,
“Sand and Foam” 1926
Fandom: Star Trek (TOS)
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Word Count: 13,533
Summary: Kirk and Spock are summoned to Starbase Two for an unpleasant but necessary duty: a legal hearing to determine Janice Lester’s fate – a trip that will have far-reaching consequences for their lives.
Originally published in T’hy’la 32. Winner of a 2013 Fan Q Award.
Also posted on AO3 and at the K/S Fanfiction Archive.
When Kirk woke the next morning, the naturalness of their situation, and the total lack of awkwardness between them, only added to Kirk’s conclusion that there was really nothing they could do together that could be considered inappropriate, much less wrong. Their relationship was stronger, better than that.
His contentment lasted through breakfast and the twenty minutes they spent cooling their heels in the court’s outer office. Once allowed into the room where the hearing would take place, even the ten minutes it took before anyone else made an appearance couldn’t dampen his spirits—though he could have done without the image of Janice Lester glaring at him from the table’s central computer screens. At least it was just her image; he’d worried that she would be allowed to attend the hearing.
The doctors finally having arrived, they all took a seat, with Dr. Steven Carmichael, McCoy’s friend, at the head of the table. The chairs to each side of him were taken by the other two doctors, so Kirk motioned Spock to the other end of the table.
Carmichael made the introductions all around and then got down to business. He gave a short but informative overview of what had transpired to bring Janice Lester to this state and what had been done since. Seated to his right, a Dr. Lewis Ayres then gave his opinion, based on the reports they’d filed and the depositions that had been taken from Lester, regarding her condition. It seemed to Kirk that, while seemingly better, the woman had a long way to go.
His relief abruptly collapsed when Dr. Willis, Lester’s personal doctor, began to speak. Though Kirk wasn’t completely sure of some of the technical jargon Willis was spewing, he understood the gist of what the doctor was trying to say.
“...in conclusion, Dr. Lester has made remarkable strides in the two months of her confinement. Her demeanor is calm and reasonable, and she no longer shows signs of the psychosis which plagued her during her tenure on Camus Two and her time aboard the Enterprise. It is my belief that there should be a loosening of her confinement, visitation privileges conferred at the very least.” Dr. Willis finished his remarks and rested his clasped hands on the table. A thin, rather severe looking man, he appeared sure of his conclusions.
“What medication is Dr. Lester currently being prescribed?” Dr. Ayres asked.
“MGR2. It’s been used successfully in even more extreme cases than Dr. Lester’s, with very good results.”
“Where have I heard that name before?” Kirk leaned over and whispered to Spock.
“It is the same medication used on Garth of Izor.”
Kirk nodded, remembering the remarkable change the medication had made in the man. But Garth’s illness had been brought on by brain trauma; Janice’s problems had started years before and stemmed from completely different circumstances. “Excuse me,” he broke in, directing his question to Dr. Willis, “I’m confused. The medication you’ve mentioned was used on a patient whose psychosis was caused by brain damage. How would that help Dr. Lester?”
“By targeting the same synapses that have caused the psychosis, which it does quite effectively, whether the cause was physical injury or a chemical imbalance.”
“Are you telling me that Janice Lester killed all those people because of a chemical imbalance?” Kirk asked.
“All mental illness is, in essence, an imbalance of the chemical makeup of the brain.”
“But mental illness isn’t the only reason people kill.”
“No, it’s not, which is the main reason for this hearing. But I am of the opinion that Dr. Lester did kill due to mental illness. That illness has now been effectively dealt with.”
“So this medication will ensure that she never kills again?”
“Nothing can guarantee that,” Dr. Carmichael said.
“Which is why we asked you here, Captain Kirk,” Willis added. “If anyone can tell us what was truly going on in her mind, it would be you and your first officer.”
Kirk exchanged a look with Spock. From his expression, Spock was just as mystified by that statement as he was.
“We’re more than willing to help, but I don’t understand what it is you think we know.”
“Didn’t you join your mind to hers, Mr. Spock?” Willis turned his attention to the Vulcan.
“No, I did not.”
“Wait a minute.” Carmichael pulled up the report from Starfleet. “It states here that you did, while she was confined in your ship’s brig.”
“Janice Lester’s body was, indeed, confined to the brig, but it was with the mind of Captain Kirk with which I melded.”
“How would you know it was the captain’s mind? Couldn’t it have just as well been Janice Lester pretending to be Kirk?” Willis asked.
“Each person’s mind has its own unique signature, a resonance if you will, that is impossible to fake. Also, I have melded with the captain several times in the past. I know his mind well. There is no way that I would not know it.”
“I didn’t realize that you and your captain were so close.” Willis gave him a jaundiced look. “Still, a machine that will exchange one person’s mind with another? I have studied the human mind for over thirty years. I’ve never heard of anything like that being even remotely possible.”
“I’m here to tell you that it is, and I know that because it happened to me,” Kirk shot back.
“So you say, but visual recordings of the incident show Mr. Spock guiding Dr. Lester out of the brig and holding her hand. Why in the world would he see fit to hold your hand?”
“The relationship that exists between Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock is not what’s under discussion,” Carmichael interjected. “Starfleet has accepted their statements as fact; I see no reason to do otherwise.”
“What—”
Willis cut Kirk off before he could continue. “If you did trade minds with Dr. Lester, you must have seen something of her thoughts.”
“No, it was...” Kirk hesitated. He’d never given much thought to those few seconds as their minds had passed each other. “I don’t remember exactly what happened. Somehow, she had set the machine so that she was always in control. I remember walking up to it, wondering what it was. The next thing I knew, I was lying down and looking up at myself.
“When I woke up again, I was in sickbay, but then I was sedated, so those memories aren’t clear. It was only later that I realized what had happened. There were vague images of being... pulled from my body, as if I was being stretched all out of shape to fit a different reality.
“Afterwards, when the transference was broken, it all happened much faster. One second I was in Janice’s body, trying to stop Dr. Colman from injecting me with whatever was in the syringe, the next I was myself again. So, to answer your question, no, I never did see anything of her thoughts.”
“So you don’t know why she did what she did? Why she would go to such extremes to get the body of starship captain?”
“Oh, I know why. She spelled that out clearly enough when I first got to the planet. She still resented me being given a starship, for earning something she wanted but lacked the temperament for.”
“You knew her before?” Dr. Ayres asked.
“Yes, I did, when we were both at Starfleet Academy.”
“That isn’t in the report.”
“No.” Kirk shook his head. “I didn’t consider it relevant.”
“Considering what transpired, it may well be very relevant,” Ayres said. “How would you describe your relationship with her at the Academy?”
Kirk didn’t see the point. She’d wanted to take his place as a starship captain. Why she’d done it didn’t matter; what mattered is what she’d done to achieve her goal. The people she’d killed wouldn’t have cared why; it certainly wouldn’t bring them back. “We... dated for about a year.”
“There were no thoughts of marriage?”
”No,” Kirk responded. “Our relationship was somewhat rocky.”
“It what way?” Dr. Carmichael interjected.
“Like I said, she resented the fact that I was on track for a command position. After awhile, we couldn’t carry on a conversation without it degenerating into an argument. Some of them,” he hesitated, “were pretty bad. Finally, I had to leave. We would have ended up killing each other.”
“I wonder,” Ayres looked from Kirk to his fellow doctors. “We’ve been assuming that Kirk was just an unfortunate victim of circumstance. But I’ll bet if we were to re-interview Arthur Coleman, we might find that she had somehow managed to make sure it was Captain Kirk’s ship that answered her distress signal. That speaks of a great deal of planning. Everything that happened would have to happen at a specific time with little room for error.”
“I suppose.” Kirk mulled it over. “But Camus Two was in our patrol area. It would have made sense to expect me to be the one to show up.”
“But how would she have known that? No, I find it next to impossible to believe that she hadn’t started planning this as soon as she’d found that machine, which could have been anytime within the previous nine months.”
“It sounds as if you believe she should remain incarcerated,” Dr. Carmichael commented.
“That’s certainly my first inclination. If she isn’t completely cured,” Ayres shook his head. “I can’t imagine the havoc that woman could create.”
“I’m not saying that she should go free, but she has made great strides in her therapy. Allowing her some freedom would be the logical next step.” Ayres turned to Dr. Carmichael. “What do you think, Steven?”
“Truthfully, I’m no longer sure. Captain Kirk’s statement, especially, has shed new light on Dr. Lester’s actions. Perhaps all three of us need to take some time to really think about this new information before making a decision.” Carmichael gathered up the report discs. “We’ll re-adjourn at ten hundred hours tomorrow morning. We can vote on it then.” He looked at Kirk. “We appreciate your cooperation, Captain, but I realize this hasn’t been easy for you, so there’s really no need for you or your first officer to attend tomorrow’s meeting.”
“I’d like to, if you don’t mind.”
“Very well.” Carmichael stood up. “Gentlemen, I’ll see you in the morning.”
Kirk waited until the room had cleared before rising, Spock at his side. “Come on, I think I need a drink.” He looked at Lester’s image again. “Make that two.”
It turned out a drink wasn’t necessary. By the time they’d exited the building and walked the distance that brought them to a large food court, Kirk had calmed down. They grabbed lunch instead, and then returned to their hotel room to wait out the two hours before they were expected at Commodore Potter’s residence.
Knowing they would probably be late in returning, Spock took the time to meditate, while Kirk finished the article he’d been reading the next before. A few minutes to freshen up, and they were out the door.
Kirk enjoyed the walk to the commodore’s house; the constant temperature of the base and the profusion of plants throughout made it feel like early spring. And as each base had its own unique layout, their conversation was peppered with sly observations and amusing comments on the esthetics of the place. It was the kind of conversation Kirk could rarely have with anyone but Spock.
By the time they reached Potter’s door, Kirk’s mood was jovial and he almost wished that he and Spock could continue walking. Instead, he rang the doorbell and waited until he heard the sound of someone approaching from within. The door opened.
“Right on time,” Potter remarked as he ushered them in. “Some things never change.”
“David has a reputation for being perpetually late,” Kirk said.
“And well deserved.” Potter smiled. “It’s good to see you again, Jim.”
“Same here.” And it was. Dave Potter was teaching at the Academy during Kirk’s last year there. Though not that much older, he had been an excellent teacher and had actively encouraged debate in his classes. The two had quickly become good friends. Kirk motioned toward Spock. “This is my first officer, Mr. Spock.”
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Spock. I’ve heard some amazing things about you—and your captain, of course.” He winked at Kirk.
“The pleasure is mine, Commodore.”
Kirk looked around. “Where’s Dina?”
“She’s out back. We thought we’d have a couple of drinks before dinner.”
As Kirk and Spock were led through the small but attractive dwelling, Kirk wondered at Potter’s terminology. Homes on the base had no ‘out.’ When they were directed through a set of French doors, he had his answer and he couldn’t help but stare.
What Potter had described as ‘out back,’ was, in reality, a large room that had been furnished to duplicate the look of a back yard. The floor was a mosaic of brick, with lawn furniture strategically placed throughout the area. To one side, a pool was backlit by a string of lights that haloed a small waterfall. Behind all this, a wall of transparent aluminum separated the room from the real outdoors.
“Fascinating.”
“I certainly have to agree,” Kirk said.
“Amazing, isn’t it?” Potter asked as he walked out to where his wife was rising from her chair.
“Jim Kirk, it’s been too long.” The woman approached Kirk with open arms.
“Hello, Dina.” He hugged her and then pulled back to study her face. “You haven’t aged a day.”
“Still the same Jim Kirk—and this must be your Mr. Spock.” She turned and smiled at Spock. “I have to admit, my curiosity was killing me.”
“Indeed?” Spock responded.
Potter laughed. He motioned them toward the chairs that circled a fire pit while he went over to the bar set against the inner wall. “It is hard to imagine how anyone could put up with Jim twenty-four seven.” He lifted a carafe filled with a dark maroon liquid; chunks of ice bobbed on its surface. “Drink, you two?”
“Hey, I’m not that bad, and, yes, I’ll have one,” Kirk said.
“Oh, come on, I remember how you were on the Republic. You gave one hundred percent while on duty, but watch out once your shift was up. What do you say, Mr. Spock?” Dina asked.
“I have found Captain Kirk to be an exemplary officer who I am pleased to serve under—and I, also, would appreciate a glass,” he added in response to Potter’s question.
Potter brought them their glasses and then sat next to his wife. “Right, as your captain, but what about the rest of the time?”
“Rest of the time?” Spock asked.
“When you’re off duty or on shore leave. Some of the stories Dina’s told me...” Potter shook his head and chuckled. “Definitely not the boy I remembered from the Academy.”
Kirk grimaced. “I wasn’t any worse than anyone else—and a lot better than some.”
“The captain has been known to... ‘cut loose,’ I believe is the expression, but never on the ship, and since I prefer to remain on the ship for most shore leaves, I have, fortunately, never been a witness to any of his more aberrant behavior.”
“You don’t go with him on shore leave?” Dina asked.
At Spock’s pronouncement, Kirk had looked at Spock in surprise. Spock rarely teased him when they weren’t alone, yet he knew that’s exactly what Spock was doing. Well, two could play that game. “Would you believe it, I couldn’t even get him to go bar hopping with me on Argelius when the rest of the crew was indisposed. Now tell me, what kind of first officer is that?”
“Well, I don’t blame him! Why would you want to go to one of those establishments, anyway?” Dina gave him a mock disgusted look. “Men! You never change.”
“Don’t include me in that. I can’t remember the last time I’ve gone bar hopping,” Potter said. “Sad state of affairs, isn’t it Jim? When a man can’t let go whenever he wants—not that I want to,” he added with a wink toward his wife. “But you seemed to have settled into it without a problem.”
“The ship takes a lot of my time, but when I need to relax, I do,” Kirk said. “Spock makes sure of that, and he has my ship’s doctor as an ally—at least as far as that goes. But enough about me, how have you two been getting by?”
“I can’t complain, especially since I got this posting. I’m hoping it’ll be for awhile, though. Both Dina and I are tired of moving around.”
Kirk’s gaze traveled around the room. “You certainly have a lovely place. And that view...” He motioned toward the outer wall.
“David loved it right away, but it took me awhile to get used to,” Dina said. “It was sort of eerie, looking out at all that emptiness.”
“It is quite impressive,” Spock said.
“I remember you saying that in the room,” Kirk said and then turned to the Potters. “Our hotel room has an outer wall window.”
“I find it reminiscent of the view from one of Vulcan’s escarpments. Because of its elevation, there is little vegetation. Yet it has the same beauty as this,” Spock nodded his head toward the vista on the other side of the glass.
“You don’t think it looks lonely?” Dina looked out. “It doesn’t bother me anymore, but at the beginning I remember getting this terrible feeling of loneliness, especially if I was out here by myself.” She shrugged. “It wasn’t so much being alone, as feeling lonely. Does that make sense?”
“I think it does. A person can be alone, but still have the sense of being part of something, having a connection to others. Conversely, you can be in a room full of people, and still be lonely,” Kirk said.
Dina smiled. “But none of us have to worry about that anymore, do we?”
Kirk gave her a puzzled look, but before he could respond the conversation suddenly turned to the upcoming elections for the Federation Council. Engrossed in their lively discussion, he forgot about it.
Dinner was great, the food delicious and plentiful. Kirk would have liked to stay longer, but he knew they’d need to be up early. As it was, it was well past midnight by the time they were saying their goodbyes. David had pulled Spock over for a closer look at the artwork that graced the front room wall when Kirk recalled what Dina had said.
“Can I ask you something?” he asked her as they stood just inside the open door.
“Sure.”
“What did you mean earlier, about none of having to worry about being lonely anymore?”
“That none of us are alone anymore.” She looked at him, clearly puzzled. “What did you think I meant?”
She wasn’t the only one puzzled. “Not alone, as in a relationship?”
“Exactly.” She covered her mouth with her hand for a moment, obviously flustered. “It’s not a secret is it? I’ve heard how private Vulcans can be.”
“Dina.” Kirk placed his hands on her shoulders. “There isn’t—” He stopped. He couldn’t lie. There was something between him and Spock, just not what she thought there was. He needed to think about this. “There isn’t a problem, so stop worrying. I really enjoyed spending the evening with you and David. Let’s not let it be so long until the next time.”
“Oh, I agree. And Jim,” she touched his arm as he turned to join Spock. “Make sure you bring along your lovely Mr. Spock.”
He smiled. “I’ll do that.”
Kirk was quiet as he and Spock walked back to the hotel. Spock didn’t seem to mind; their need for constant conversation was long past. Kirk looked at his companion and let the comfort he found with this man settle over him.
“Are you all right, Captain?”
Kirk was startled into stopping the tapping of his stylus onto the table top. He smiled wryly. “Sorry, I just want this to be over with.”
Spock looked at the three doctors who sat at the head of the table. “They do seem to be taking an inordinate time starting the meeting.”
“They must have already come to decision, don’t you think?”
“One would assume.”
The sound of the door opening drew both their attentions. Two men, obviously not doctors, walked in and sat down at the table.
“It seems we can finally get started,” Carmichael said.
“We’re sorry for the hold up, Doctor,” one of the men said. “But our meeting with our client was delayed.”
“Very well.” Carmichael glanced down at the report lying on the desk in front of him. “After going over all the evidence presented, the reports made by Captain Kirk, Commander Spock, and the ship’s chief medical officer, Dr. Leonard McCoy, the statements of Arthur Coleman and those of Dr. Lester, herself, as well as the information obtained regarding Dr. Lester’s formative years, we have come to a decision. Giving special attention to her behavior in young adulthood and to what transpired on the Enterprise, we believe that Miss Lester’s behavior was not the product of a physical injury, illness, or chemical imbalance of the brain, but is a personality disorder of long duration, most likely originating during late adolescence.
“Her murder of the team of scientists on Camus II, her attempt to appropriate the physical form of Captain Kirk and, when that appeared to be failing, her plans to bring about his death, were all done with meticulous forethought. These, we feel, were the deeds of a woman perfectly in control of her actions.
“Because of this, we cannot approve the request to allow a reduction in her confinement. Indeed, we feel that society as a whole would be best served by her incarceration on Elba Two. Our finding will be forwarded to the Surgeon General’s office for final disposition, at which time she could very well be remanded for trial. Until then, she will remain in restricted confinement at these facilities.”
“We’ll fight this, you know,” one of the lawyers said.
“That’s your prerogative. But I seriously doubt that any reputable psychiatrist having access to this report could come to any other conclusion. If that is all, gentlemen,” Carmichael’s gaze swept the room. “This meeting is adjourned.”
They all stood and began to clear the room. Letting everyone pass, Carmichael waited at the door until Kirk and Spock had made their way over.
“Could I have a word with you, gentlemen?”
“Of course, Doctor. What can we do for you?”
“I just wanted to apologize for wasting your time. I really had hoped you’d be able to shed some light on what she was thinking.”
“I’m just sorry we couldn’t be of any help,” Kirk responded.
“You were more helpful than you know. Without your description of your relationship with her during your time at the Academy, we never would have delved more deeply into her life. Without having done that, some may have continued to think that she could somehow be cured. Not everyone can.”
“It just seems such a waste. Her life could have been so very different.”
Carmichael looked at him curiously. “I’m amazed at how forgiving you’re being. If she had succeeded, you could have ended your days in a mental institution.”
Kirk shook his head. “Mr. Spock knew who I was. One way or the other, we’d have found a way to get the truth out.”
“Yes, I suppose your liaison came in quite handy. You’re extremely lucky that Dr. Lester wasn’t aware of it.”
Kirk regarded him quizzically. “Liaison?”
“I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure if you two were bonded yet. I meant no offense.”
More surprised than shocked, he slowly shook his head before responding. “No, um, we’re not bonded.”
“When I talked to Leonard, he didn’t mention it so I thought perhaps you weren’t.”
“Leonard. You mean Leonard McCoy.”
“Of course. When I asked about what had transpired, he seemed very concerned about how this might have affected the two of you, your relationship. Having your mind ripped from its body would have had to affect anyone you were bonded to. But it seems as if there were no ill effects.” He nodded to Spock and shook Kirk’s hand. “I better get started on my rounds. It was good meeting you, gentlemen.”
Kirk watched the man walk away; as much as he wanted to see the look on Spock’s face, he found that he couldn’t work up the courage. Instead, he gave a terse, ‘Come on, Spock,” and exited the room.
Their walk back to their hotel room was made in silence, but with nothing of the comfort of the night before. After the little bomb shell Carmichael had dropped, how could there be? Kirk wondered. He and Spock... lovers. And apparently a lot of people thought so, Bones included. Where the hell had they all gotten that idea?
And Spock, what must he be thinking of all this? He could feel the tension radiating off his friend and could well imagine. By the time they finally reached the hotel, Kirk was ready to jump out of his skin. Giving some half-ass excuse about wanting to relax and, still not looking Spock’s way, Kirk headed for the bar.
There weren’t a lot of customers; most people didn’t start drinking this early in the day, but there were enough that Kirk decided on a booth near the back of the room. He flagged down the waitress and ordered a scotch. He had a lot of thinking to do.
While he waited for his drink, he watched the rest of the patrons. There was a small party off to his left, probably conventioneers by the look of them. People didn’t usually go around wearing name tags. At the bar, a young couple appeared in the middle of an argument. There was no loud shouting, but even from here Kirk could see the stiff set of their bodies.
The waitress brought his drink and he took a sip before continuing his survey. His gaze traveled away from the bar to the three women who sat at a nearby table. Out of habit, he focused in on them.
They were all attractive, though in varying degrees. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead. Something for everyone, he thought with not a bit of irony. But they appeared to be having a good time together. He’d lay odds that none of them were on the prowl.
Which was good because neither was he, though he thought that if he was of the mind, he would have picked the redhead. She seemed the most outgoing of the three, something about the way she threw back her head when she laughed. She’d probably be a lot of fun. No strings, just a good time. But he wasn’t on the prowl, and, it suddenly occurred to him, he hadn’t been for awhile.
He frowned and took another drink. As McCoy had most succinctly put it, going through what he’d been through could put a man off women for life, but this change in him had started months before then. He couldn’t say to the second or even the day, but it had slowly dawned on him that he preferred the company of his first officer over just about anyone else’s—including that of a woman.
Why shouldn’t he? He could relax and just be himself with Spock. Spock knew his flaws and didn’t hold them against him. Just the opposite, Spock understood that those flaws were just as much of his character, contributed just as much in making him the man he was, as any of his more worthy characteristics. And for all the ways that he and Spock were different, there were twice as many where they were the same. He’d never had a better friend.
But was that all Spock was to him? A lot of people seem to think otherwise. He tried to imagine what they saw when they looked at him and Spock. A rapport that was so strong they seemed to read each other’s minds, a desire to protect and keep safe so strong that they had both risked their careers and their lives for each other more times than he could count. A human’s need to touch allowed, no, encouraged, by a Vulcan.
Suddenly, the physical reactions he’d been having toward Spock all made perfect sense: the warmth just from watching his friend, the desire to touch, the rush of arousal at the most inopportune times, quickly dealt with and then ignored. They all pointed to an inescapable conclusion.
Kirk placed his elbows on the table and cradled his head in his hands. No wonder. It may have taken someone, well, lots of someones, to make that perfectly clear, but he wasn’t the type to run from the truth. You couldn’t, anyway. One way or the other, it has this nasty habit of catching up with you. And it wasn’t as if the signs hadn’t been there for months; now that Kirk’s eyes had been opened, he understood perfectly how people could have believed what they believed.
So what were his options? He could ignore it, pretend they hadn’t heard what they’d heard. He wasn’t crazy about that particular option. For one thing, he didn’t know if he could actually do it, and, for another, he didn’t know if Spock would allow it. His friend had been just as aware of what Carmichael was saying as he was, and, Kirk was sure, he was probably upstairs right now going over the exact same territory as Kirk was. Ignoring it was out.
Okay, option two. He could pretend that everyone was mistaken, have a big laugh over how they could all be so wrong. He didn’t like that option, either. It would again mean pretending that Spock didn’t mean what he did to him, essentially lying to his friend. He couldn’t do that.
Which left option three. See if Spock felt the same way. Kirk sort of thought he did. People hadn’t just seen something in Kirk; they’d seen it in them, so, they’d talk about it and, somehow, work something out. Kirk didn’t know all there was to know about Vulcan bonding; Spock had been pretty clear about wanting to let that particular subject slide after the debacle on Vulcan. But he knew he loved Spock and he was pretty sure Spock loved him. They’d start with that.
He quickly finished off his drink and stood up. Throwing a handful of credits on the table, he walked out. His steps were a bit unsteady, but perfectly sure.
“Spock?” Kirk hesitated at the door.
“Over here, Jim.”
Kirk entered the sleeping area, encouraged by Spock’s use of his given name. Across the room, Spock sat in one of the chairs. He’d turned it around to face the window and appeared inordinately taken by the sere and blighted landscape.
Turning the other chair around, Kirk sat down and looked out. “I think I have to agree with Dina. It has its own stark beauty, but it’s so barren. Lifeless. Out there you are truly alone.”
“You see that because you come from a place of abundant life, in every imaginable variation. Your species evolved surrounded by the biological diversity of the African savannah; it is embedded in your genes to prefer similar landscapes. So when you are confronted with such as this, you feel the loss.”
“I’d never thought about it before, but I guess you’re right. Humans need contact with other living things.” He turned and looked at his friend. “What do you see when you look out there?”
“I see the long stretch of eternity, its vastness, its aloneness. But because of the Vulcan mind, on Vulcan it is very difficult to be alone, to be completely separate. It is a condition many strive to obtain. What I see is the embodiment of that ideal.” Spock finally looked his way. “In some ways, we are quite different, you and I.”
“And very much the same in others.” Kirk tried to see some sign as to what Spock was thinking at that very minute. He couldn’t. The Vulcan was as locked down as he’d ever seen him. Yet, he hadn’t imagined the warmth in Spock’s voice when he’d first entered. “We’re the same in every way that matters.”
“Are we?”
“I think so. So do a lot of other people. Like David and Don and Dr. Carmichael. And McCoy.”
“McCoy?”
“Yes, and now that I think about it, probably Scotty, too. Hell, probably most of the bridge crew.” He leaned toward his friend. “They all see something that tells them that we’re very much alike. So alike as to be almost the same person. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you, Spock?”
Spock looked away. “I believe so. I only regret that it has caused you so much distress.”
“Why—. Okay, I suppose I deserve that. It did look like I was running away, but that wasn’t it at all. As crazy as this may sound, what people were thinking came as a complete surprise to me. What we have has become such an integral part of my life, I completely missed what exactly it is we do have. But I know now, and distress is far from what it brings me.” He reached across the space that separated them and laid his hand on Spock’s arm. “I may be way off base about this but I don’t think I am. I hope I’m not.”
Spock studied Kirk’s hand for long seconds as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. And for a moment, Kirk felt a frisson of fear. He tightened his hold on his friend. “Am I, Spock?”
The beginnings of a smile lit Spock’s face as he looked up and, reaching over, took Kirk’s hand in his own. “No, you are not.”
Kirk smiled back. “That’s good to hear. So, where do we go from here?” he hesitantly asked.
Spock’s gaze slid over to the bed. “I would not have thought that would be a question you would have the need to ask.”
Kirk pressed his lips together to stifle a grin. “Why, Mr. Spock, are you propositioning me?”
Spock stood and pulled Kirk up so that they were standing only inches apart. “I believe this should make my intentions perfectly clear.”
If Kirk had had time to think about it, he probably would have thought that their first kiss would have been soft, tender, not this hungry plundering of his mouth. He lifted his hands and threaded his fingers through Spock’s hair, eagerly participating.
He was only vaguely aware of Spock’s hands working at his clothes, his own hands returning the favor in an automatic response. Somehow they managed to divest each other of clothes, breaking their kiss only when it became necessary. Their pants were a bit of a problem, until they realized that their boots would have to be removed first. That done, the shock of arousal Kirk felt as his hands skimmed over Spock’s ass almost made him lose his balance. Finally naked, they stumbled over to the bed and fell together in a tangle.
Kirk laughed and pulled Spock closer. Until this moment he hadn’t realized just how much he wanted this—and how long he must have wanted it. Apparently, so had Spock, because he could feel the heat of the Vulcan’s erection against his own.
He maneuvered them over until they were centered on the bed, and then rolling on top of Spock, began a rhythmic onslaught. The Vulcan met him thrust for thrust, the long fingers Kirk had loved watching grasping hold of his buttocks and pulling their bodies tightly together. Kirk brought his mouth down to reconnect with Spock’s. The Vulcan’s taste already an addiction, just as much as the feel of Spock’s body, hot and needy again his, was.
Kirk finally broke the kiss. He used his arms to pull his upper body away, holding himself up on his hands, while continuing the rocking of their bodies. He wanted to see the look on Spock’s face as their cocks, slick with precum, slid against each other. Wanted to see the wanton need and desire as they allowed their bodies full rein.
Kirk could feel himself reaching a point of no return. He tried to hold it back, wanting this to last, but the stimulation of his body was too great. He threw back his head and groaned as his orgasm washed over him, his seed pulsing out between their bodies. He felt Spock surge beneath him, and then the Vulcan’s emissions suffused hot against his belly. Kirk moaned long and loud, and then dropped back down onto Spock’s body.
They lay like that for a time, both breathing raggedly. Almost reluctantly, Kirk finally rolled off and flopped onto the bed next to Spock. Glancing over, the satiated look on Spock’s face, his hair mussed, made Kirk grin. Truthfully, he didn’t seem to be able to stop.
Without words, and again Kirk marveled at how few there needed to be between them, they got up and headed for the bathroom. The shared shower brought them together again, and after ordering a meal in, they retired for the night.
Kirk couldn’t say how long he’d slept, only that when he woke it was dark out and that Spock was watching him.
“What’s the matter, couldn’t you sleep?” Kirk asked.
Spock had propped himself up on one elbow, his body mere inches from Kirk’s. “I preferred a more pleasant activity.”
“Is that all you’ve been doing? Looking at me?”
“I have also been contemplating our situation.”
“Past, present or future?”
“The present and future are pleasing to consider, it is the past I find my thoughts focused on. I cannot understand how it is that we could not see what apparently everyone around us saw.”
“I think unconsciously we did see it. But I know for myself, I wrote you off as a potential lover almost from the very beginning. You’re a Vulcan male, and while I did a little experimenting as a teenager, I’d pretty much settled on women. And while we’ve talked about just about every subject under the sun at one time or another, except for during your pon farr sex never came up. I guess I assumed you weren’t interested—no matter the signals I was picking up.”
“And I suppose I was misdirected by your unrelenting pursuit of women,” Spock remarked, though there was a definite hint of humor in his words.
“Which, of course, is all over now.”
“Of course.”
“Happy now?”
“Indeed, though I am not looking forward to explaining our new situation to Dr. McCoy.”
“That should prove interesting, considering he thought we were already together. Same with the crew, though as least we don’t have to worry about how they’ll take it. But right now,” Kirk turned to face Spock and slowly ran the fingers of one hand through the soft hairs of Spock’s chest. “I can think of a better way to be using our time.”
Spock pulled him into his arms. “As can I.”
Finis
If you reveal your secrets to the wind,
you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.
Kahlil Gibran,
“Sand and Foam” 1926
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